Have you lost sight of your innate introvert value?

“I didn‘t feel like I belonged there, so many people with letters after their name, years of experience and just exuding with confidence and charisma… then there was me. Terrified of just walking into the meeting room let alone actually opening my mouth during the meeting.”

It can be easy for extroverts to dominate meetings, with their confidence, quick thinking, energy and charisma. But as the introvert in the room you mustn‘t overlook or discredit your own unique skills. Skills like active listening, natural empathy for others and ability to see all sides of a situation, and deep reflection, particularly on our own performance.

Active listening is a real skill, particularly in a good leader. You can‘t speak and listen at the same time, so all that talking time the extroverts using, is time you’re spending actively listening and processing what’s going on.

Empathy again is an important skill to have as leader and team player, it aids understanding and communication. But it’s essential to be able to discern the difference between what’s originating from you and what actually belongs to another person. Developing ways to protect yourself somewhat from what others are projecting is an important skill to have.

Extroverts are natural projectors, they project their energy into the space, which can be great for getting themselves and their ideas noticed, but not great for actually noticing other things. When extroverts are projecting themselves at a rate of 90 - 95% that only leaves 5-10% capacity to actually receive what‘s going on in the room outside of them.

Introverts on the other hand are natural receivers. Which can be uncomfortable when our systems become overloaded with all that we‘re receiving from the outside. In a high state of introversion we‘re probably receiving 90-95% from our surroundings, leaving us with only 5-10% projection possibility. In fact, as an introvert in a room of extroverts our reception rate can quickly become completely burnout, inhibiting us from projecting at all. Which is exactly what the introvert hangover is, a burnt out social battery.

So what? can you do?

The art of managing your introversion is in gaining some control over your environment; both your external environment and even more importantly, your internal environment.

I say ‘even more importantly‘ here because your internal environment is the one thing you do have control over, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. With understanding and practice the internal environment of your mind and body it is something you can learn to manage. And that’s important, because when your internal environment is calm, you can operate from a place of greater confidence than when you’re freaking out on the inside.

Finally, reflection. Introverts aren’t known for being quick or impulsive thinkers, our neural pathways actually run differently to extroverts, which can be a gift, when used productivity and not destructively. By this I mean accepting the fact that we will likely get our best questions and ideas several minutes, hours or even days after the event. By actually planning how to make the most of it when it does turn out to be this way, we don’t slip into the trap of beating ourselves up over ‘lost opportunities’.

We can do this for example by saying, ‘Let me get back to you on that’ or ‘I might want to follow up with you on that later’ when feeling under pressure in meetings. The other side of this coin is that self reflection can get out of control. Yes, it’s good to reflect on your performance, but you need to develop a way to stop the negative chatter that rips apart everything you’ve said in the meeting before it destroys all confidence and ability to speak up in future meetings.

So, how to do this?

The techniques I’ve found most successful in both myself and my clients involve first gaining some understanding on what’s going on. So first step is to do some personal data collection.

Questions to ask yourself are:

??What exactly is your stress reaction?

(Anxiety, racing pulse, sweating, mental block, embarrassment…)

??What are you worried will happen, and how likely is that actually? (If it is possible this will happen, just accepting to yourself that it is a possibility, can sometimes reduce the anxiety)

??Where, when and with who does this happen?

(A specific type of event, number of people, or type of people)

??Where specifically do you feel this anxiety in your body and what internal images, thoughts and feelings occur?

??What would you like instead of this?

??When where and with whom do you experienced this alternative state or way of being, and what would you need to change within you or your environment to experience this?

??What trait or ability would be helpful right now?

??When have you been able to display this trait or ability?

??How were you able to do that?

??How did that feel and how can you bring that quality into this situation?

If it’s a trait you haven’t mastered yet, who do you know that has mastered it , and how can you mimic their behaviour?

??How can you get yourself out of the situation if necessary?

(Where is the exit? What can you say to politely remove yourself?)

??How can you create a quiet space for yourself both before and after the event to make sure you’re not only fully charged at the start, but also have time to decompress after the event?

Need help working out the answers to these questions and more? Dm me to speak about how I can help you start speaking up at work without freaking out.??