Have you had to fight for something? A conversation with young boys and girls in Barpeta, Assam

Last month I was in Assam interacting with students of classes 8th and 9th. The conversation started with what they wanted to become when they grew up. The responses were the usual ones - doctor, teacher, engineer, lawyer, police. The surprising one was when one girl said she wanted to be an entrepreneur. She did not know of what - but she knew she wanted to start do something of her own which she will figure out. She sounded very definitive about it.

The conversation then moved towards gender and what they had learnt about it. They said that how girls and boys need to be treated equally and how girls can also go out and work and that boys need to help around at home and to learn to cook. Only one boy said he would never learn how to cook. On being asked what will you do when you have to live alone outside of home for work. His quick response was 'I will order food'. I was stumped :)

When I asked them, did you have these conversations at home with your parents about changing gender norms amongst them - father helping at home, mother going out - they said no because they wouldn't listen to all that.

At this point I asked them, so then how are you all going to go out and work later on, if right now these things are not changing in your homes. To that a couple of girls very confidently said "We will fight for it".

Wanting to know if they were up for putting up a fight - I asked all of them if they had ever fought for anything at home? To my surprise all of them said yes they had. Their energy and enthusiasm was palpable at that moment. When I asked for an example most of them said it was for a day trip being organised by the school the next day to the border of Bhutan. And how creatively all of them had negotiated.

A boy had stopped eating food for two days. A girl had stopped talking at home. Another one cried till they allowed her to go. A boy with a single parent (mother) tried to talk his mother understanding her concerns about his safety and reassured her. Another boy gave examples of how all his other friends were going. (Reminded me of my school days trying to go for sleepovers to my friend's place, I did most of this and more!)

Only one girl said her parents had not allowed her still, even after she persisted and then she had given up. She seemed a little older than all of them. Then I asked her friends if they were ready to go and talk to her parents to try and convinced them to let her go. They promised me that they will try and get their friend to come with them. I told them I will check with my team if they actually did and they reassured me that they will.

Then I got to know about one girl who said that she was already saving money for herself for the future. She was teaching singing to younger kids and earning money. She wanted to become a singer and was active on youtube learning different techniques and also following the different talent shows. I was amazed to see a role model amongst them who was so intentional about what she wanted to do. I left feeling very energised and hopeful after the conversation.

It made me think that while the kids don't think that they will be able to change anything to do with adults in their immediate context, the parents are all set in their ways, but they are confident of putting up a fight in their future to attempt to live on their own terms and differently from what it is today.

Their confidence gave me confidence that they will also be able to convince their friend's parents to let her go. On that happy note I left the school!

The next day I kept following up with my team to know what happened. The girls and boys did go to their friend's house and speak to her parents. Unfortunately for them, the parents still did not relent and she did not go for the day trip. I am still curious and wonder what could have been the reasons for her parents to be so adamant to not let her go.

This left me with bittersweet feelings. I imagined how all of them would have gone with so much enthusiasm and determination only to hear a no. My only hope is that the kids build their resilience to put up a fight to change things around for themselves and others and when they encounter the resistance, they have the energy to keep moving on. Meanwhile our job remains to keep providing the supportive, reflective and safe spaces they need to build their muscle for driving change!