Have you experienced the loss of someone or know someone who has?
Bryan Hayes
OBGYN & Subspecialty Career Consultant at Weatherby Healthcare | What Would More Time, Freedom & Control Mean for You?
As someone with vast experience in loss, and having lost those deeply close to me there’s a question that often arises, even among professionals: Do you want to talk about it?
Most often, the answer is no. Especially in American culture, I’ve found that this question, while well-intentioned, rarely opens the door to meaningful conversation.
What I’ve never heard, and what I wish were more common, is a slight variation of that question: Would you like to talk about them? Even better, the way I’ve learned to ask it: What’s a story about them that makes you smile when you think of them?
I learned the importance of this question early on, after my cousin died tragically. It struck me how odd it felt, as if they had just disappeared. As I got older and experienced the deaths of more family members and friends, I noticed certain patterns. One of the most profound is that life goes on—except for the person who is grieving at such a deep level that some wounds don’t simply heal with time. Some wounds last forever.
But here’s another truth I’ve discovered: I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to talk about their loved one, even in small ways. The capacity varies, but the desire is always there.
I recall one moment that perfectly illustrates this. I was standing next to a gentleman at the deli counter and noticed a tattoo on his arm. When he turned to me, I asked him about it. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the design, and explained it was in honor of his grandson, who had died in a motorcycle accident.
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There, in the middle of the grocery store, I asked him, “Is there a story about your grandson that makes you smile when you think of him?”
He paused, then smiled and shared a memory. For several minutes, he told me about this very special person in his life. His words painted a vivid picture of someone deeply loved and profoundly missed. Before he left, he turned to me and said, “Thank you for asking about my tattoo - and my grandson.”
If you would like to share a story of a loved one, please feel free to message me. I'd love to get to know them.
#grief #death #dying #loveones