Have you contracted the ‘never being present’ parental disease?

In America, we are tethered to this concept of busyness.

Professionals boast, who works the longest hours, and anything that dings, or vibrates, has become our organizational god. This being on demand, 24/7 has normalized multi-tasking, along with this constant racing and ripping mentality. The cost to the lifestyle runover is that there is supposed never enough time, so folks rarely, if ever, give themselves the permission to be quiet. 

Sadly, this habitual way of being has even infiltrated many parents’ lives and family quality time. 

What is it? The epidemic sweeping the nation is the ‘never being present’ parental disease.

To determine if you have been infected with the virus in your parental life, or to stop its destructive spread, ask yourself the following questions? (Depending on the severity, ranging from mild to severe, you definitely have contracted it).

o  Are you always regretting the past, and worrying over the future, which means that you are never present?

o  Do you have this perpetual habit of rushing everywhere you go?

o  Do you cut off those around you because you have predetermined what they are going to say, and feel that you are saving yourself/them time?

o  Can you just be with the moment, or is your mind constantly switching to what needs to be done next?  

o  Has completing organizational tasks replaced being relational in your home?

If you have the never being present disease and want the antidote, which is especially important for parents, with fellas, 16-24, who generally have greater difficulty in expressing emotions than their female counter parts, try these beginning tips.  

1)     Know your importance by adjusting the speed of life, which shows your son that if you can slow down, then you are capable to do it for him.

2)     Observe folks’ needs; including your own. Pay attention to your body’s cues, and learn to be kind to address the needs you have, so you can be there for his.

3)     Decide to have boundaries in your home that are need fulfilling, like a social media free zone, where you drop x device into a basket before proceeding into dinner, a specific room, or during a specific time.

4)     Become a safe place by determining to talk less, and listen more. To avoid the tendency to interrupt, ask this question, “What do you need?” to your son, and then do not respond until he answers.

5)     Model active listening. Look into his eyes when he is speaking, match his body language, and once he is finished, rephrase his words to show you received the message.

6)     If these challenges become too weighty, visit a counselor or coach to give you the support you and your family needs. 

By deciding to take small steps, you not only cure the ‘never being present’ parental disease, which is robbing individuals of every day joys associated with being a parent, your life will noticeably become richer because you’ll actually become an active player, that enjoys it and your loved ones; especially your 16-24-yr-old son, who may need you a bit more in the emotional arena.

Thank you for reading.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Researcher’s Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive workshops. With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.