Have compassion for your inner critic

Do you have a voice in your head that seems determined to criticise and sabotage you at every turn?

Does any of this sound familiar?

• “I can’t help but feel like I’m destined to screw up”
• “I feel like I don’t belong here, I was just in the right place at the right time” 
• “I’m a fraud and it’s only a matter of time before I am found out”
• “I feel like I am faking my way through my career.”

If these are familiar, you are not alone. Many of us have moments in our career when we feel like we are not quite good enough, or maybe not as good as everyone else seems to think we are.

You have a little voice in your head that tells you that you that one day someone is going to notice, and you are going to be exposed for the fraud that you really are.

We call it Imposter Syndrome and it is a lot more common than you would think. Even highly successful executives such as Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO and bestselling author of the "Lean In" book, admit to having moments of self-doubt.

The good thing is that we can learn to deal with this inner voice and replace it with a much more powerful, positive voice that is also inside of us, it is just that we don't tune into it as easily as that other voice.

There are many different ways people refer to this negative, inner voice. Some people call it a gremlin, some the crow on your shoulder, the chimp in your head, and some people refer to it as their inner critic. I even had a client who named her negative voice after an old boss who used to always criticise her!! You maybe have your own name or description for it. 

I find those words Gremlin, Crow, Chimp, Critic very aggressive or mischievous sounding that makes me feel like the voice is something to be feared and dealt with in a confrontational manner which I don’t find particularly helpful.

I prefer to think of my inner voice slightly differently - she is my friend in need.

If you were sitting having a coffee with a friend, having a little chat, and your friend was saying all these negative things about herself;

• about how she is not capable or worthy;
• that she is not clever or skilled enough;
• that she is full of fear and self-doubt;
• or that she doesn’t have any belief in herself and keeps putting herself down;

 What would your reaction be?

You wouldn’t agree with her. You wouldn’t say, “yep, your just not good enough, you may as well just give up”. At least I hope you wouldn’t!!

You probably want to give her a hug, tell how amazing she is and start telling her all the reasons why she is capable, why she can achieve what she wants and why she deserves to be successful. You would start giving her all the evidence to prove what an amazing person she is, hoping to boost her confidence and her self-esteem.

That is the reaction we have when we hear a friend talking negatively about themselves, and yet we don’t do that for ourselves. Why not? We should. Why not try it? Why not try being a friend to that inner voice inside your head.

A little exercise I share with my clients, that you can try, is to take some time and write down that inner monologue that is going on inside your head. Capture what she says and how it feels when she says it. Think of a time when you’ve allowed her to talk you out of doing something through fear and self-doubt.

This is the part of you that is in need of a friend. Take a moment to reflect on what you have just written. How does it make you feel? Try putting yourself in the perspective of a friend. What would you say to her if you heard her using these words and phrases to describe herself?

Write her a letter. What would you say to her if she was sitting in front of you now? How would you encourage her to believe in herself? What evidence can you find to prove that to her?

Write it all down as if you were sending a letter to a friend. This is your new soundtrack. This is the one you want to listen to instead of the one who was putting you down. Keep it somewhere safe as a reminder of what to say when your, "friend in need" starts to feel the fear and self-doubt.

If you found that advice useful I also have a great workbook with another 4 strategies for developing your confidence and self-belief including exercises for you to step you through. If you would like a copy, just follow this link:

mailchi.mp/ff5c0e308942/learntocreateamoreconfidentyou