To Hate or Not to Hate

Peace be upon all of you,

I wrote this piece below back in March of 2019 after the attack on the Christchurch mosque in New Zealand; however, I have never pursued any serious attempts to publish it due to time constraints. This very recent incident in the Twin Cities has stirred the same kind of feelings I felt back then prompting me to share my thoughts about these atrocities.

Hate is among a plethora of natural feelings that exist among the soul of any human being. However, the threshold for eliciting such a powerful sentiment that has the potential to cause so much destruction and havoc differ from one person to another. What triggers hate inside us? Why is it easier for some to hate more than others? Can hate be justified and if that is the case, is it the best route to take? Can anything good come out of it? Moreover, if hate is such an evil feeling then why God created it inside us?

Let us begin by discussing the phenomenon I call "low threshold to hate." What are the factors that can lead one person to despise someone else from the first sight and sometimes inflict harm on them without knowing their stories, journeys, or potentials? How do people learn the process of judging others? There is no question that many values are absorbed from the surrounding environment whether it is the parents or the community at large. The point of debate is that even if somebody was taught and fed wrong and immoral concepts during childhood, why many people are not disabused of them when they are able to think for themselves as grownups? Where does the concept of conscience fit in this picture? Let us take for example the police officers who shoot and kill unarmed nonthreatening minors who then go home at the end of the day and play with their own children. I wonder about how they justify to themselves robbing other parents from the joy of their lives simply because these parents allowed their kids to be kids and play outside. Can this issue be rectified? In order to find a true solution, we need to be honest about the root of the problem, which is the perceived notions that some law enforcement officers have about different ethnic groups. Is there a process to disabuse them of these stereotypical views so they can perform their jobs with integrity?

There is no dispute that human beings are not at their best when they are hateful. Usually the consequences of actions based on hatred are regrettable by many who realize that pleasure from anger or revenge is very short-lived. People who discourage indulging in hateful practices usually resort to moral and righteous reasons. However, there is a strong argument that hatred is not the smartest path to choose either. Hate is like a corrosive substance that eats up its container eventually. Nelson Mandela pointed out in his book, Long Walk to Freedom “A man who takes away another man's freedom is a prisoner of hatred." p 624. When people are blinded by resentment, they fail to see the opportunities that the subject of their hate can offer them. They convince themselves that the person they abhor is inferior to them and there is no chance they can open doors for them that they have never imagined. They deny the people they loathe their humanity and intellectual potential. A black child can become the scientist who discover a cure for a fatal disease that a white person might be suffering from. I do not think a parent who sees his or her child suffer everyday should care about the race, faith or gender of who alleviates their pain. However, many educators fail to make sure that every child and every student reach their full potential when they select to purposefully lift some up and put some down based on perceived notions. The truth is one group cannot find solution to every problem, cure every disease, or stop environmental disasters in their tracks by themselves. We were designed as humankind to complete each other, what one group lacks, the other group has. Therefore, ostracizing entire communities based on how they look, speak, or dress ends up sabotaging the entire nation's progress. The policy of exclusion can take many forms and can range from subtle deliberate tactics to full-blown apartheid systems. I believe that the subtle tactics are as destructive as the more overt approaches. An example of these subtle approaches is coercing and pressuring an individual to conform to societal expectations that are usually dictated by the majority. There is no way a person can blossom into their full potential when they are stripped of their individuality, deeply held convictions and their unique take on life. A person who is not true to him or herself cannot stand on a solid ground leave alone extend a helping hand to others or participate in elevating the society as a whole.

When people usually talk about hate, the first thing that comes to mind is racism. There is no question that racial prejudice is one of the most abominable forms of hate and its victims are still nursing their scars until this day. However, to narrow hate to be just a synonym of discrimination based on color or some other variant is missing the depth and gravity of this affliction. If people who are prone to hate only project their hate towards those that are different, then why do we have intra-racial crimes, wars and misconducts. The person who learned to hate with free reins, will most likely take it out on others. Yes, a person who looks different is an easier target and most likely their first choice. However, if they live in a homogenous community, they will go after their own. Take for example the bullying pandemic in schools, a fair percentage of extreme bullying with catastrophic outcomes is among white students.

On the other hand, there are these personas that reject the infestation of hate in their hearts even when they have every justification on earth. They endure injustice and subjugation but they do not succumb until they right the wrong and when they do, they do not retaliate. Some people equate forgiveness with weakness. They argue that weak people forgive because they have no other option. However, history is full of beacons that chose humanity when they triumphed over their aggressors. One of the examples of such a moral pillar for me is the prophet Mohamed-pbuh-. I have learned the biography of prophet Mohamed as a child and I have been always amazed by the fact that he pardoned the people who tormented him and prosecuted him out of his town after he returned to it victorious. However, some might argue that he was a messenger of God and he cannot be compared to the average person. Another role model who is not a religious figure is Nelson Mandela. What struck me the most about this man is that he never failed to see his aggressors as humans even when there was nothing human about their conducts. He saw his jailors as misguided victims of a stray society. His wife was prosecuted viciously and separated from their children who ended up being deprived from their parents and the normalcy of childhood. Their house was burned down. Nevertheless, Mandela never capitulated despite all the pain he and his family went through. The beauty of Mandela's character is best exemplified by his interaction with a little white South African girl after he was released from prison as he told her that she could be the president of the country one day. He could have told her that he will make her life difficult to avenge for his children and other African children whose innocence was robbed by her ancestors but he did not. Despite his extraordinary vision, Mandela did not achieve his accomplishments by himself. He was surrounded by men and women whose mettle will be engraved in the golden history of humanity for eternity. It is worth mentioning that some of Mandela's partners in the struggle for freedom were Afrikaners/white who made the right and harder choice of standing up with the oppressed against their own people. They did not shy away from calling their people out and fighting side by side with other freedom fighters. These Afrikaners, as few as they were, are worth mentioning because they went against a system that worked for them. It is too bad that many of them are not around anymore because the question for them would have been: Why?! Why did they turn their back to all the privileges that were handed to them on a golden plate? Why did not they allow themselves to be brainwashed that the oppressed deserved to be oppressed?! Was it high moral standards, courage or deep insight that wrong will not last forever despite all the insurmountable efforts to preserve it by some? I am inclined to believe it was a combination of these factors that shaped their decision.

How can we get more people to go for what is right and humane? Whose responsibility is it? Should we start at childhood? How can we get parents and teachers to transform these little budding human beings into spectacular citizens of the world? How can we convince those educators that don't hold themselves up to the standards that makes teaching the most critical and noble profession, that they are not doing anyone any good by not treating all their students with fairness and try to lift them all up? What about employers who choose not hire the most competent simply because they don't look like them or hire them and then underpay them?! Again, those who are in a position of authority and make decisions on behalf of others should ask themselves before taking any step: what are the long term consequences of the action I am about to take today? How long can I get away with abusing the rights of those whose care was entrusted to me? Take for example the "Me too movement." It took many of the sexual abuse victims decades to overcome the intimidation and suffocating silencing but they ended up standing up for themselves regardless of how long it took. It is worth mentioning that these women faced scrutiny and lack of compassion by some people who have never been through what they have been through. In spite of that, these attacks did not deter these courageous women and the majority of the society decided it was time to listen. Maybe if we can get more people to believe that injustice will not last forever even if it works for some in the short term, we will get somewhere.

So far, we have discussed two groups of people, those who choose right and those who choose wrong. What about the group of people who are just spectators? Some of them know right from wrong but they choose not to do anything. This group just go with the flow and clap for whomever is in power. Some might argue that some degree of adaptability is required to survive and cope with life's hardships but it should not be confused with complacency. Many minimize erroneously the harmful influence that this group has on societies but the truth is taking no action is not compatible with being a living being. Moreover, these individuals discourage others from doing anything and try to instill fear in them. They try and prevent others from living their lives to the fullest. Simply put, they prefer everybody to bury their heads in the sand. There is nothing more acrimonious than telling someone that they "can't" and confining them to a small suffocating box defined by the limited narrow vision of a spectator. We need to find a way to contain and limit the poisonous effects this group has on society, especially the nascent youth.

I believe hate is not always detrimental if directed at the right targets. There is an American saying “Don’t hate the player, hate the game." Some people use it to get away with their wrongdoing and that is unacceptable. However, there is this different kind of people who believe in this statement to avoid hating their wrongdoers while still rejecting their behaviors since they have high threshold to hate.

In conclusion, I deeply believe "Not to hate" is the way to go if humanity wants to move forward.

References:

Mandela, N. (1994). Long Walk to Freedom. New York, NY. Little, Brown and Company.

About the Author:

Muna Ahmed Jama, MD. Family Medicine Physician/Hospitalist currently based in the DC metropolitan area.