Has Teaching Kids to Advocate for Themselves Led to a Generation Expecting They Will Always Receive Their Desired Outcome?

When my daughter was in 6th grade six years ago, the administration was highly focused on helping her and her peers learn how to advocate for themselves. Many of the eleven—and twelve-year-olds seemed to lack the knowledge and comfort regarding how to ask questions during class, get extra help when needed, and conduct follow-ups. I was thrilled that the school provided guidance on this critical life skill.

Fast-forward to the present, and it seems that teenagers have taken advocating for themselves to assuming that they can and should always receive a do-over and be able to “fix” a grade. I worry that this expectation of habitually getting their way will create a generation of people who think that future bosses and colleagues should always bend over backward to meet their needs and that putting in some or even a lot of effort deserves praise and reward even if their work product isn’t that great.

During COVID and, I'd say, still today, middle and high school teachers have consistently let students turn in work late and retake tests. Because school absenteeism is such a problem nationwide, many teachers have honestly just been happy to have kids present in class. This has led them to allow behaviors that previously they wouldn't tolerate.

My daughter's very patient Algebra II teacher was impressively kind to her this year, working with her after class to ensure she understood concepts and letting her earn extra credit. After doing mediocrely on her final, she was 2 pts away from the final grade she wanted to get. She sent the teacher a long, rambling email about why she deserved those two points, how hard she'd worked and studied, blah blah blah.

The teacher told her to come in the next day to talk to him. He showed her the (pictured GIF) scene in Clueless, where Cher's dad asks her about her grades. Cher replies that grades are just jumping-off points to start negotiations. My daughter’s teacher said that the effort she put in was commendable, but sometimes, we must accept things as they are. He was not going to change her grade. She didn’t earn it. She was very disappointed with his answer, but I honestly was happy he didn't give in.

Our kids need to learn to accept disappointment. Life will not give them everything they want, and jobs will not tolerate consistently late work or redos. While I wish she'd earned the grade she wanted, it's a valuable lesson in perseverance and needing to adjust her work style and increase her effort in the future. I'm not saying that students–our current and future employees–shouldn't advocate for themselves, but they need to recognize when it's acceptable and when it’s too frequent and not to expect the outcome they want every time simply because they asked.

I shared a version of this post on a local education Facebook page. The response was very positive, while some pointed out that their high school teacher friends had told them that they had to send out a mass email to parents and students that they would not change grades after receiving more than a hundred requests to do so the moment the grades were posted in the system. One parent went to complain to the teacher in person the next day to say that their child should be rewarded with a higher grade for their effort.

If my fellow parents don’t want to create an entitled generation of workers, it’s up to us to encourage our teens to work out their own problems and allow them to accept and understand that failure is a part of life and the only way that real growth happens.

Thoughts? Let me know. ?