Has losing your workplace identity led to a self-map distortion?

Accepting that change doesn’t define us and only serves as a catalyst for growth will preserve our sense of self and allow us to thrive in a world that’s constantly changing

It sometimes feels like the world is in a state of constant crisis; a global pandemic, conflict between religious ideologies, and two major economic crises in as many decades. It’s no wonder that we are increasingly feeling like we’re “losing ourselves”.

We may no longer know who we are, and the landmarks of our identity can become hazy. We effectively experience a crisis in how we see the world and how it reflects on us as individuals – our self-map.

Firstly, what is a ‘self-map’?

Our ‘self-map’ consists of the many things that inform us of our self-worth and how importantly we perceive who we are in the lives of others as well as our own. Our self-map includes various factors that are part of our identity: values, beliefs, family, friends, social standing, education, culture, and more.

We sometimes forget that our self-map is constantly evolving. This forgetfulness means that change – especially the kind we struggle to understand – often heralds the start of internal conflict and confusion in our lives.

For example, this feeling of ‘leaving a part of you behind’ when you change jobs, organisations, an industry, or moving countries is natural and it highlights the components of our self-map that are truly important to who we are.

Sometimes the change in our lives might reveal components of ourselves we weren’t even consciously aware of prior. A sudden change therefore might spark an identity crisis or what I call a ‘self-map distortion’. It’s important to remember here that this distortion typically only impacts a few areas of our self-map and not the entirety of how we see ourselves.

Not everyone will be reinventing themselves or moving to a brand-new country, but there are enough similar crises which can distort our self-maps. Whenever momentous changes occur in our lives, we must learn to handle whatever self-map distortions arise. Recognising and understanding these feelings of distortion or identity loss are crucial and it is important that we work through them and harness that energy to our benefit and not our detriment.

Here, I outline some ways to navigate our self-maps when faced with inevitable changes/distortions:

Identifying the feeling

When we feel like we are losing control of who we are, we should use some time to reflect on our thoughts and what’s driving our feelings. What are we telling ourselves? What is the narrative in our minds? Typically, we will experience feelings of loss and might feel any or all of the typical stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. This is normal and in fact can be quite healthy.

Another helpful action can be to ask someone that you trust if they’ve noticed any changes in your demeanor or activities. External perspectives can help identify changes in yourself that you might not consciously even notice. Keeping a journal throughout the transition is helpful to track any changes in your thoughts.?Sometimes, even the idea of change can incite unhelpful emotions and cause procrastination, inaction, or defensiveness.

Preventing this feeling

Feelings of loss or confusion ultimately accompany growth. Preventing these feelings by never changing isn’t a luxury that we can afford. Instead, we need to learn how to embrace and accept that our lives change and as a result, opportunities await.

We need to accept that change creates uncertainty which can be destabilising. Setting expectations for yourself around change gives you the headspace to plan for obstacles and anticipate them and then act accordingly. Research tells us that the more we visualise these situations and contexts, the more likely it is that we can overcome them when they actually do arise. Planning and preparation can stave off the worst of the self-map distortions.

Practicing acceptance also gives you permission to appreciate that things may feel awkward and uncomfortable and that is perfectly normal! Learning to be comfortable with change is the first key to navigating our self-map. We won’t always know where we’re going, but trust in the notion that you will be able to survive when you get there. Accepting change is one thing, but how do we work through this feeling and not flee from it?

Fixing this feeling:

Understanding that our feelings stem from our thoughts means that it’s important to return to our internal dialogue and to edit it according to how we want to be heard or seen. It’s time to rewrite that horror script!

How we approach change depends on our feelings towards change. If we consider change to be positive, we won’t be as confused or afraid when it comes knocking. Similarly, a negative approach towards change will often distort your self-map more than what originally caused the distortion.

Typically, only one or two aspects of our self-map will be impacted by change. The rest of our identity is not at risk. You are – and you will be – safe, despite feeling threatened on some aspects of your self-map right now.

Why you shouldn’t avoid addressing the distortions

Avoiding this feeling is a bit like saying that you never want to change or grow!

Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, we may feel pressure and discomfort on the path to greater potential. Accepting that this is normal and not a reflection of our entire identity is key to our mastery of change – perhaps even of reveling in it.

Further, we are unique, and we value and exhibit the aspects of our self-maps differently. For some of us, our education is vital, whereas for others it is less important than family or nationality. For some, our jobs help us connect with the world and understand our value in society, whereas others want to disconnect entirely from work or the world.

However you have built your self-map, the bottom line is that we can change and grow without losing ourselves. Whatever the change is, we continue being mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, friends, partners, colleagues and so much more.

Accepting that change doesn’t define us and only serves as a catalyst for growth that will preserve our sense of self and allow us to thrive in a world that’s constantly changing.