Has Anyone Seen My Grammar? I Think It's Lost in the Digital Wilderness

Have you scrolled through social media lately and felt your inner English teacher having a meltdown? Trust me, you're not alone. Every time I open my phone, I witness what can only be described as mass murder of the English language. It's as if proper grammar packed its bags and went on an indefinite vacation, leaving us with linguistic chaos that would make Shakespeare weep into his quill.

As someone who attended a reasonably good school, I learned that my grammar and vocabulary were more than just rules—they were windows into my education, little badges of linguistic honor that showed I knew the difference between "their," "they're," and "there" (a distinction that seems to have gone extinct in the digital age).

My dedicated teachers drilled into us the art of precise language. They'd cringe at "very hungry" and introduce us to "starving," roll their eyes at "very tired" and present "exhausted," and absolutely banned the redundant "very, very happy" in favor of the magnificent "ecstatic." They were like linguistic personal trainers, pushing us to flex our vocabulary muscles until they gleamed.

But nowadays? Oh boy. Social media feeds read like a "What Not to Do" guide for grammar. Let me share some gems I've encountered in the wild:

• "Your not gonna believe what I seen yesterday!"

(Somewhere, a dictionary just threw itself off a shelf in despair.)

• "We was at the store when it happened."

(The ghost of my English teacher just clutched her pearls.)

• "Could of been worse tbh"

(Could HAVE. COULD HAVE. Why is this so hard?)

"Your the best friend ever!!!"

(You're killing me with your inability to use you're correctly.)

And my personal favorite:

"Me and him is going to the movies."

(This one doesn't just break grammar rules; it shatters them into tiny, sad pieces.)

The situation has gotten so dire that I've started playing "Spot the Proper Grammar" on social media—a game that's becoming increasingly challenging. It's like trying to find a properly used semicolon in a sea of emoji-laden run-on sentences.

Don't even get me started on the creative spelling I encounter daily. "Definately" is definitely wrong. "Alot" is not a word (a lot of people need to hear this). And "irregardless"? That's not just incorrect; it's an abomination that needs to be exorcised from our vocabulary.

What's particularly fascinating is how some defend these linguistic faux pas as "evolution of language." Sure, language evolves—but there's a difference between evolution and devolution. When "u" replaces "you" and "2" stands in for "to," we're not evolving; we're just getting lazy. It's like wearing pajamas to a job interview and calling it "fashion evolution."

Perhaps the most perplexing trend is the random capitalization of Words in the Middle of Sentences for No Apparent Reason. This isn't German; we don't capitalize nouns just because we feel like it. Every time I see this, I imagine the shift key having a seizure.

But here's the real kicker: many of these grammar offenders are graduates of respectable educational institutions. How did this happen? Did they sleep through every English class? Did their autocorrect go rogue? Or has the instant gratification of social media murdered our patience for proper writing?

Maybe I'm just turning into a grammar dinosaur, destined to roam the earth correcting people's "your/you're" usage until I eventually go extinct. But until that day comes, I'll continue to fight the good fight, armed with my Oxford comma and an arsenal of properly placed apostrophes.

Remember, folks: Grammar isn't just about rules—it's about respect: respect for the language, respect for your readers, and respect for those poor, long-suffering English teachers who probably need a vacation after seeing what we've done to their life's work.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go leave passive-aggressive corrections on my colleague’s Facebook posts. Someone must maintain standards around here.