Harsh Blessing

Robert died aged 45 while on his morning exercise run in 2004. He was the ESN (educationally subnormal) only child of a Church of England Vicar and his amateur artist wife. Even though intellectually challenged, Robert was a normally cheerful fellow but he had a sudden temper that erupted without warning. It made him virtually unemployable, but a kind local supermarket manager had found him a job pushing trolleys back to the trolley queue. It didn’t pay much but it gave Robert a sense of purpose.

The Vicar and his wife were naturally dismayed at Robert’s sudden and unexpected death. He had appeared healthy and his heart attack came as if from nowhere.? The parents were good friends of mine and I had always admired the way they handled their son’s disability with a mixture of tact and firmness. I wrote to them saying how sad I was to hear of his death. They wrote back a sweet letter. I still have it.

They were getting older, now well into the seventies, and they had been worried about what would happen to Robert when they died. Vicars do not earn much money and the family was not rich. How Robert would be looked after when they were gone was a source of much anxiety. Their letter said what I have come to accept as a very practical view for many disasters. They described Robert’s death as a Harsh Blessing.

We like continuity. A good life proceeding steadily along with enough challenge and some reward is a style most of us prefer. But there will always be discontinuity. Sometimes within the family, sometimes driven by external trauma. Some discontinuity is unpardonable and the idea of a blessing being part of it, almost unthinkable. But much discontinuity has a better side than only the sadness it represents.?

Discontinuity happens to individuals, to organisations and to countries as well.?

Parents, teachers, bosses, mentors all experience discontinuity among those they deal with. A client once told me that I can be a Harsh Blessing. Harsh is not a word we like used about ourselves or our environment. As long as my client benefitted from the blessing I am content. Balancing ‘harsh’ with ‘blessing’ is something SIngapore aims for and does with skill. It is the root of an orderly, disciplined society, safe and pleasant to live in.

From each upset there are lessons to be learned. The value of those lessons and how well we learn them decides the level of blessing we receive. It’s a long way from the death of an ESN young man twenty years ago to the loss of a career today. Both are deeply sad events we would wish on nobody. In their own ways both are Harsh Blessings.?

May those who don’t suffer the Harsh nevertheless appreciate the Blessing.

May those who do suffer the Harsh understand the Blessing, too.

Good morning

John Bittleston

Have you experienced a Harsh Blessing recently? You could tell us in confidence at [email protected].?