Harnessing Your Self Talk

Do you find that the most difficult conversations that you have are the ones that you have with yourself? Have you constantly got that inner critic coming at you, letting you know and reminding you of the things that are holding you back?

Well, stick with me because this week, I'm going to help you clean that up.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, VUCA Leadership and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue this conversation about rebuilding your identity by helping you harness your self-talk.

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about who you believe you are, your identity, which is separate from what you do. We looked at the fact that having your identity tied up with what you do is the reason why you're not able to pull back from it when you go home. When you identify with what you do, and things don't work out well, that can erode your identity. Operating out of those 3 universal fears of not belonging, not being enough, and not being loved changes your behaviour.

Over the years of this happening, you've developed an inner dialogue. You've conditioned yourself to think about yourself the think and act in a certain way. Therefore, when you step outside and do things differently, that inner voice reminds you of the times when it didn't work, of the reasons why you're unable to do it, and it can hold you back.

I know personally that I would never speak to anybody as harshly as I speak to myself and this is something that I continually have to work on. I need to check myself and know when I'm speaking to myself in a way that's disempowering. We talk about people externally from us who speak down to us, who speak negatively, put us down, and all those things, yet we're happy to do it ourselves.

I need to let you understand that, just like me, you have a reason for doing this.

Your self-talk is designed to keep you within your safe zone; to put you in a position that keeps you safe from those universal fears and the other challenges that you've convinced yourself will happen in your life.

Or so you think.

Unfortunately, though, continually having that inner critic speak down to you and hold you back is costing you opportunities to become your true identity, to use all your gifts and talents, your uniqueness, and your creativity.

Today, I want to help you to change that.

I call this inner dialogue your ‘mini-me’. It's that small version of you that you've created to speak to you and talk some sense into you when you step outside what's comfortable and when you do things that could trigger one of those fears. Because it's a small version of YOU, you've created it just like I've created mine.

What I love about that is that you can use the same process you used to create that inner voice that you have now to create that self-talk, that dialogue that goes on. You can use that same strategy and techniques to rebuild, change, and harness that self-talk so that it becomes empowering, pushes you forward, and leads you to the fullness of your potential. To do this, I like to think of that mini me as being like a 2 year old child who needs the support of its parent. It needs reassurance, certainty, comfort and safety. It needs to feel like it's being listened to and acknowledged.

That's exactly what your inner voice needs too.

Now that you understand that you created your inner critic and internal dialogue, and have taken responsibility for it, you know that it's your responsibility to change it.

All the things that have been said to you over your life, you've taken them on and you've made them mean something about you.

All the mistakes you've made, all the things that haven't gone the way you thought they would, all the things that felt uncomfortable.

That's what this dialogue has been created by.

Those beliefs that you have about yourself, the world, and others — it's all in the data that you've stored in your subconscious mind. What you need to do is interrupt the pattern, shifting from your normal way of thinking and talking to yourself.

The first step to doing this is to have a level of self-awareness to know when your self-talk is holding you back—to know when what you are saying to yourself is holding you away from one of those fears and be able to recognise that it's not serving and helping you. To do that, you need to continue to build up your identity, removing your limiting beliefs, and work on all the things that we're working on.

By having that level of awareness, you know, you can do something about it....

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE: https://www.grantherbert.com/blog/harnessing-your-self-talk

Grant Herbert (aka The People Builder) describes himself as an ordinary guy, with an outstanding wife and 5 amazing kids, who has a passion to help people escape the performance trap and regain their authenticity in every area of life. He is a VUCA Leadership Mentor, Sustainable Performance Coach, Master Coach Trainer in Social and Emotional Intelligence,?and the founder of People Builders.

Visit www.grantherbert.com to find out how you can connect.