Harnessing Our Fear for Good

I’m just going to go right out and say it: I have fears. I have plenty of them, actually. And as a man, it’s taken me awhile to train myself to realize that that’s okay. In fact, it’s a good thing. Fear is my friend. And without fear, how would we define courage? 

For whatever reason, though, fear has always gotten a bad rap. There’s a bias, especially among us males, that fear equals weakness. Well, I’m here to tell you otherwise. I’ve found that it’s in those moments of fear, uncertainty, anxiety, and discomfort where life happens. If everything was a walk in the park, what would life be? Boring. Futile. Dismal. We need fear, and rather than back down from it, we can (and should) lean into it. Fear can be one of the greatest gifts when it’s used to catapult us out of a comfort zone and into a zone of discovery, growth, and potential.

I think back to my early days in sales and the dreadful “cold call.” Most if not all of us can agree that no one likes to make a cold call. It’s awkward, nerve-wracking, stressful, and frankly, I was afraid of it. To help get over my fear, I decided to make it a game. I competed with my colleagues on who could make the most calls, but really it became a competition with myself. I created my own goals and incentives, and before I knew it, I could tell you exactly how much every dial meant from a dollar perspective. When I realized that a few more dials could mean an extra zero on my paycheck, fear quickly became my friend and empowered me to be successful. And that’s how I’ve operated ever since. So what do I tell salespeople now when they are afraid? Pick up the phone!

Even today, decades later, I still have fears when it comes to certain aspects of my job. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous every time I presented in front of others. When I take a step back, though, and really think about it, I realize that my fear just acknowledges that I care. The alternative would be apathy—shutting down and not caring and not feeling anything. While I was trained to be stoic, I find a ton more value in actually feeling feelings. Imagine that!

Fear, of course, has also shown its face in my role as a father. Before my first daughter was born I recall some of the fears that surfaced, mostly related to entering a role that was completely new and carried so much responsibility—I was putting myself in charge of raising a human being...for the rest of my life. This wasn’t something that I could just try on for a couple of weeks and then decide if it was for me. But I faced those fears head-on and as a result, learned and grew in the process. And I prepared - I joined a fathers’ group and learned as much as I could about being a good father. Fatherhood is ridden with challenges, and with each one, I became a new, better version of myself. Fear is a good motivator if we pay attention to it.

There’s a Michelangelo quote that I turn to often when I think about my life and ever-evolving self. Michelangelo, perhaps the greatest sculptor in all history, said “every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” As a person, I am forever chipping away and polishing my edges, diligently and purposefully, to become a more refined and better version of myself. Fear has certainly propelled me forward in that process.

On a global scale, we are feeling this more than we ever have in recent years. But, amidst a global pandemic laden with fear, we are awakening. It’s now more important than ever to tune into ourselves and what we are afraid of. By becoming more aware of our feelings, we can look at the world through a different light, develop a better sense of empathy, and choose to make a difference. We are all on this journey together. And when we harness our fear for good, whatever the scale, life will grow richer.