The Hare, The Tortoise, and The In-between

You wake up at dawn, hit the gym, cook breakfast, pack your lunch, and reach work well before time. Before your colleagues have trickled in, you get at least two items ticked off on your to-do list. Sometimes you work through lunch and take a moment to eat at your desk. You are always ahead of deadlines but never seem to have any free time. Your colleagues rely on you for every little thing, and taking a day off from work is the stuff of nightmares.?

You go the extra mile to complete any tasks, may it be work-related or baking a cake for your child’s birthday. You are always on the go and do not find the time to pause.?

You are action-oriented. As soon as you find a task to complete, you form a plan and start cranking things out.

You have this untamed warrior energy that fuels you to keep going. However, lately, you have been struggling to find meaning in your work. You feel as if you have reached a dead end in the labyrinth of life and career.?

Sounds familiar?

In my work as a coach, I frequently meet brilliant people who have toiled all their lives to pursue and achieve success after success, sometimes defying all odds and surpassing the expectations of people around them. Unfortunately, many of them acknowledge themselves as super achievers with a mix of pride and shame. While the outside world views them as indomitable and infallible, they feel a sense of isolation and invisibility. Some even suffer from the imposter syndrome and dismiss any praise or appreciation that comes their way because they don’t feel they have done enough to deserve it. Paradoxically, some of them are driven to achieve the next success or goal, while others toil because they feel nothing they do is enough to warrant the success they enjoy.

The Super achiever Inner Critic

At the heart of every super achiever is a harsh inner critic, something like the hungry ghost in the Buddhist folklore that can never be satisfied. This super achiever inner critic pushes you to work extremely hard at everything you do. It has a preconceived notion about the right work ethic and doesn’t accept any deviation from it. It dictates every move you make. If you have heard a voice inside you that says things such as:

“Mediocrity is not acceptable.”

“You have to do better. You are better than this”

“This is not enough; try harder.”

“You are a fraud. If you don’t want to be exposed, work harder.”

“Anyone, any time, is going to turn around and out you. Beware. Don’t let your guard down”

“Others will let you down; it is better to do it yourself.”

Then it is your super achiever inner critic in action.?

Hostile Takeover

This voice in your head may have started as a response to an inner motivation to leave a mark in the world, to BE the best and DO the best. This may be to earn money, recognition, admiration, power, or for altruistic reasons, but this motivation drives this super achiever inner critic. For some, this inner critic may have developed due to a need to prove themselves because of the circumstances they come from. In either case, over a period of time, the inner critic makes you feel obligated to do more than your fair share to fit into their work environment. Ironically, while it may tell you that it is necessary for you to do as it says to avoid being judged, shamed, or rejected by others, it makes you comply by doing these exact same things.

It is easy to justify this super achiever inner critic within you because it only wants what is best for you. However, the line between motivating and dictating is very fine. Typically, such an inner critic will never applaud you for your successes but will berate you for even the smallest of failures. When it shows you no mercy and becomes very demanding, its expectations begin to seem very high. Though some part of your brain may acknowledge its harshness, you may feel left with no choice but to please it, ultimately leading to a burnout when your mental and physical faculties cannot match your pace.?

The Balancing Act

All motivated individuals have to, at some point in life, deal with this inner critic. How exactly do you set boundaries with something that is within your own self? To not be overtaken by this harsh voice in your head, often ask yourself these questions, especially after a failure or success.

·????????????What values do I hold dear? Am I living a life upholding them? What is the kind of life I want to lead?

·????????????What are the benchmarks of my successes? Who or what is setting them for me?

·????????????What will make me feel successful??

·????????????When is it that I will feel I have done enough? How will I know I have reached that stage?

·????????????How realistic are my expectations from myself?

·????????????Which areas of my life can be a little imperfect??

·????????????What are the things I need not do, or what tasks can I delegate??

Do you remember the hare and the tortoise story from your childhood? We were taught that the moral of the story is slow and steady wins the race. I remember often thinking as a child, why should it be slow and steady? Why could it not be fast and steady? After all, if the hare had not stopped for a rest, it would have won, and with a huge margin at that! Now when I think about it, the storyteller was very wise to not glorify a fast and steady hare. Being a high achiever is amazing. Being an super achiever may just turn out to be a messy inconvenience. Don’t be the hare or the tortoise, be someone in between…