Hardware is Eating the World... Not

In a digital utopia where algorithms decide our fate and social media influencers are the new demigods, an audacious claim echoes through the silicon valleys and beyond: hardware is eating the world. Ah, how it warms the cockles of our hearts, this quaint idea that in a realm ruled by bits and bytes, the clunky, cumbersome world of physical objects could lead the charge into the future. It’s like insisting the fax machine is poised for a grand comeback.

Let us delve deeper into this comedic goldmine, shall we?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Digital

In an era where our very consciousness seems to flutter in the cloud, the notion that anything as archaic as "hardware" or solely a physical product could play a pivotal role is delightfully retro. Remember laptops? Those ancient relics now serve as nothing more than expensive paperweights and reminders of a time when productivity was measured by decibels of keyboard clacks.

And the smartphone saga—oh, the humanity! These devices, once hailed as the pinnacle of human achievement, are now mere stepping stones to the era of brain-implantable chips. Why interact with a device you can lose when you could simply think your tweets into existence? The inconvenience and utter humiliation of dropping your phone face-down on concrete could be a thing of the past.

The Comedy of Cars and Consoles

Electric vehicles, with their promise of a cleaner world, have become the punchline to an environmental joke. "You mean it moves without horse-drawn propulsion?" you can almost hear the future generations cackle. The real future, dear friends, lies not in the vehicles themselves but in the apps that summon them. Because, as we all know, the true measure of progress is an app’s ability to crash on a major update.

Don't believe me?

Let's look at today's reality

Bentley intended to introduce its first electric model in 2025—but that's not happening. CEO Adrian Hallmark told Automotive News Europe the EV has been delayed by a year because of technical problems caused by software issues as well as "platform-related concerns." Crewe's inaugural EV is now expected to break cover near the end of 2026, but customer deliveries won't start until 2027.

Could you get more physical than a car?

And then there’s the gaming industry, clutching onto consoles like a lifeline in the vast digital ocean. These bulky monoliths of entertainment, with their quaint requirement of physical discs and tangible accessories, are adorable artifacts from a bygone era. Cloud gaming whispers sweet nothings into the ear of the future, promising a world where the only hardware you need is your imagination (and a robust internet connection).

One notable example of the gaming industry's shift towards cloud-based services is Microsoft's Xbox Game Pass Ultimate, which includes access to Xbox Cloud Gaming (formerly known as Project xCloud). This service allows players to stream a library of games directly to their consoles, PCs, and mobile devices without the need for downloading or installing the games locally. It signifies a move towards cloud-only gaming by providing the flexibility to play games across different devices, leveraging cloud technology to bypass traditional hardware limitations and offer a more accessible gaming experience.

Smart Homes and Other Adorable Anachronisms

The smart home revolution, with its WiFi-enabled toasters and voice-activated vacuum cleaners, is yet another testament to hardware’s desperate cry for attention. "Look at me!" each device seems to scream. "I can turn on without you touching me!" It's endearing, really, how these gadgets try to convince us of their necessity, like pets performing tricks for treats.

The Future is Immaterial

As we float ever closer to a fully digital existence, where augmented reality glasses render our surroundings obsolete, and social interactions occur in virtual spaces, the emphasis on physical products becomes increasingly comical. It’s akin to insisting on using a map and compass in the age of GPS—a charming, if slightly bewildering, dedication to the past.

So, to those prophets of hardware, preaching the gospel of tangible tech, we offer a knowing smile and a gentle pat on the back. Your faith in the physical is touching, truly. As the rest of the world dissolves into the cloud, may your gadgets keep you grounded—literally.

In wrapping up this ode to the obsolete, let us all take a moment to pour one out for the hardware of yore. May your buttons, switches, and circuit boards find peace in the annals of history. And to those betting on hardware to lead us into the future, may your endeavors be as fruitful as selling ice to Eskimos or, dare we say, launching a startup dedicated to manufacturing floppy disks.

In the end, the truth is as clear as the screen of the latest smartphone model (before it inevitably cracks): in a world enraptured by the ethereal charm of software, those fixated on the corporeal might as well be peddling rotary phones on the moon. And isn't that just the punchline we've all been waiting for?