...the hardest year of my life.

We take life for granted. So easily and routinely, it’s truly astounding. It was a Tuesday, like any other Tuesday where I don’t have the kids. I was walking towards class from the parking lot after a one hour commute to the UH-Downtown campus. I don’t know why, but that’s when the light bulb went off. Ironically, it seems to have culminated from what is likely the worst year of my life, filled with the worst downs I have ever experienced and very few ups.

"How fortunate I am," I suddenly realized out of nowhere. You see, I’ve been fortunate through my Danish roots and travel for business to have seen a great many wonderful places around the globe and witnessed the wide array of living standards that exist in these far reaches most have only seen on television or YouTube. I am so grateful for these opportunities as it has allowed me the perspective to understand how truly fortunate I am to live in this country with the opportunities available – many of which are mere fantasy in some parts of the world, my current pursuit of higher education being one of these.

While there may be flaws within the greater socioeconomic environment in this country, it is still the great land of opportunity when compared to any other country on the planet. The lore of the American Dream has attracted people from all sorts of backgrounds, born in any corner of the globe, to the sands of our shores in search of a greater opportunity than the one they had at home. Through no fault of their own, they were simply born in the wrong place at the wrong time. They find their way here and take hold of the opportunities readily available to succeed far beyond anything they could ever have imagined.

All these thoughts are flooding through my mind as I walk up the steps towards my first class this evening. Here I am, approaching my thirty third birthday in six days, fulfilling a promise to Cindy, the kids and myself. I’m finally working towards finishing my Bachelor degree after a ten year career in sales and marketing. I still have another year and a half left, but that’s not the point. The point is, I am blessed to have this opportunity to go back to school and achieve this. There are many aspects to this great blessing – some are due to personal work ethos, determination and achievements; others still are due simply to the benefits of where I live, where I was born, good timing, good luck and and many other random factors that are beyond my control.

I am blessed to have a great job and (mostly) wonderful kids. To live in a place where I know my children are safe and have a great education system for them to flourish. I spent the better half of this past year in a place of misery where I couldn’t find much anything to be thankful for in my life. My world had been turned upside down and I didn’t cope with it well. I started turning the page on the darkness a couple months ago after I picked up the first book, and then the second. I was desperate for some knowledge or insight to the black hole that was consuming my mind. These books were instrumental in allowing me to take a step back from my grief, identify it, understand it and accept it.

Whether by shear coincidence, or maybe some sort of spiritual intervention, Maslow's hierarchy of needs was in several of the books as well as one of my courses this semester. It clicked for me on a visit to a friend in Austin as I drove past a homeless encampment under a highway overpass. I was in the deepest depth of my pain at the time and for a brief moment I chided myself, "What's your problem? What are you so sad about? Look at these people who have nothing – they have something to be depressed about." Of course, if you follow Maslow's theory, the higher level psychological needs many of us derive our happiness from are not a concern unless you have the more fundamental needs of shelter, safety and security taken care of. As miserable as I was, I never had to fear for these essential and basic necessities – in fact, one could say I was even lucky to be in a position to be depressed over these higher level needs.

Walking up those steps that night felt like a further culmination of this journey. I sat in class waiting for the lecture to begin simply grateful for the life I’ve had thus far. I'm thankful for the pain as much as the joy – for without the struggle and the pain, one would not be able to truly appreciate the joy and happiness that eventually comes.

"“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” -Chuck Palahniuk 

On this Thanksgiving, I encourage you to pause and reflect. Take an inventory of your pain and your joy. What have you learned from them? How have they helped you grow? Be thankful for the things that you would otherwise not be thankful for – especially the pain. Believe it or not, it is possible to take positive things from the worst of times in your life. Take it from me, because trust me, if I had read this post six months ago I would have told myself to shove it. The pain will subside and the joy will come again.