The hardest things I had to learn.

Transformation is NOT easy.

Digital Transformation, likewise, is NOT easy.

I embarked on this journey, unwittingly at the same time as a perfect storm in my personal life that was nudging and pushing me towards Self Transformation. Again, that was NOT easy. But, I survived. And I am here to tell the tale.

More often than not, humans just like to go through life easy. Its this complacent attitude towards the status quo. "Why rock the boat?" "Why make things difficult for myself?" "What's in it for me?" "I'd rather be just completely blind to any areas of improvement because I am already perfect" or "I am already garnering enough "praise" that I am perfect." "Why change at all?" "Indeed, I am pretty darn good at what I do!"

Or the mindset is so overwhelmed with the status quo; that they have no bandwidth to really think about growth. They would much rather stay in this overwhelmed state for life; and do the bare minimum required to stay afloat. To barely get by. Day by day. They just want a floatation device to be thrown at them to stay afloat. There is no more struggle left in them.

These strategies of survival were not acceptable to me.

As I ponder on these types of thoughts, I realize that these strategies of barely surviving are pretty common amongst folks who like to fool themselves. In other words, people who like to lie to themselves. But these are normal people, lying to themselves. Its not the pathological liers that we know of, those who are high conflict, depicting borderline personality disorder traits that generally do this sort of self sabotage. It's the normal everyday Joe's, or Jane's: the "victims" that generally fall into this category. The fear of causing strain on existing relationships, coupled with fears of accidently stepping on some aching nerve, like walking on eggshells, keeps most people in the self sabotage mode for life! And some people find it very hard to wake up. They'd rather stay asleep than be woken up. It is much less painful to stay asleep. zzzZZzzz. Alarms go off! They press Snooze. And continue to snooze. zzzzZZZzzz.

I used to be one of those people. So I know, how hard it is to wake up. Again, like I said earlier, it is NOT easy. At first, as a rookie of self transformation, I used to get very impatient and frustrated when dealing with anyone who was reluctant to change! I would get upset and angry inside at their lack of muscle to change. To adapt. To reinvent. To be flexible. To live in uncertainty. Afterall, I had just managed to get out of that mindset and shifted my thoughts. Why couldn't they do the same?! Why couldn't they do the same with some help? Even after me trying with all my might, along with the nudges and pushes that life threw at them; they were still stuck? Why?!

The hardest thing I had to learn in life was NOT self transformation. Nor was it acceptance of the fact that some people do NOT change; despite your best of intentions for them. It has been the acceptance of the fact that those people who have no willingness to change, they also require our compassion and love and kindness. It is just not yet time for them to change. They require our empathy. Not our frustrated versions. They require love. We cannot control anyone, but ourselves and our actions, along with reactions. That is it. We can't really do anything beyond advise people in their best interest; should they come to us seeking advice. We cannot go around lecturing people and demanding they change too. That "rookie" in me had to transform and evolve. We just have to hold some space (as my lovely coach puts it so kindly), and we need to allow them to be where they are at. Just as they are. In their raw human form. Filled with fear, insecurity, shame, anger and resentment. These emotions are just that: emotions. Why do we judge them as positive or negative. We need to let go of these preconceived judgements of others; and accept people as they are and also welcome them to be who they are and be safe. Perhaps, then we will be able to see the beauty that lies in that darkness. We have to allow for our eyes to adjust first to that darkness. Meaning, I had to change myself once more in order to be able to clarify this. The problem never lies outside of me.

I think that has been the hardest lesson for me so far. To extend empathy to all, despite where they are today. I am slowly waking up to this and adapting, and learning on the go; on this journey we call life.

We all carry some ugliness within us. No matter how much we try to hide it, we all have some of the same feelings / emotions that are less than optimal. They may be hidden with the mask that we have on. They may be concealed with the countless layers of makeup we might wear. These raw wounds may have healed and have become scars. But the scars are also reminders that the ugliness once existed. The scars never truly disappear. They remain there as witnesses to who we once were in the past. Like a portal.

Scars too, can be beautiful. Healing of scars is a self responsibility; and again, like most things in life, it is NOT easy. But we can all lend a hand, make it easier for others around us, that want to truly embark on this healing. Let's nudge people in the right directions and just be there for them without expectations or outcomes of self-interest. Let's just allow people to be.

These are hard times we are living. As Charles Dickens put it so aptly, so many years ago... "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…"

Let's lend a hand to others and make it safe for all people. Those amongst us who are throwing tantrums. Those who are screaming their heads off. Those who are angered and hurt. Those who are piecing together their shattered selves. Those who are victims. Those who are perpetrators. It's a fine line, this perspective of "good vs. evil". Why not just erase all that and halt all judgements. Let's just be human. Perhaps that will make this a bit easier for the rest of us to survive. And thrive.