HARD TIMES ARE TO MAKE US STRONGER!!!!

When you have tough times, and when you learn you can't be perfect in every situation, it's hard to accept, you know, because I still do expect that. But you just have to, because, you know, it's not about the situation. It's how you deal with it. You always have a choice. Ana Ivanovic

Try these suggestions:

Ask yourself how realistic your worry is. Our imaginations can take us into situations that may never develop.

Set aside "worry" time each day. ...

Focus on the good aspects of your life.

Look at tough times as an opportunity to learn, grow or improve your situation.

Deal Better with Hard Times

HOW COPING TOOLS HELP

At some point in our lives, most of us will face times that are extra stressful or that even shake us to our core. At those times, having strong coping strategies can make a huge difference.

Of course, exercising, focusing on your spiritual life and getting enough rest—and all the other Live Your Life Well tools—can be great supports in difficult situations. Other techniques can be particularly useful in dealing with tough times.

The research shows that:

• People who spent time writing about a difficult event had better health and less depression. Writers' grades even improved, and they found jobs more quickly
• People facing stress felt less depressed after problem-solving
• People who often focus on the positives in their lives are less upset by difficult memories

WAYS TO DEAL BETTER

Write It Out

Did you ever write a nasty e-mail when you felt angry but then deleted it? Chances are you still felt better though you didn't send it.

If you've suffered an upsetting event, writing about it can actually make you feel better. That's in part because writing organizes your thoughts, which makes the experience feels less chaotic. Writing also can offer you an emotional release, insight into yourself and the feeling that you can file the problem away.

Some thoughts to get started writing:

• Set aside 15 minutes a day for a few days to write about the event and how it made you feel
• Don't worry about grammar or artistry. This is just for you.
• Stick with it. At first writing about an upsetting experience may be painful, but over time it can help you get past the upset. Keep in mind, though, that if yours is an especially disturbing event, like rape or domestic violence, you might want to do this work with a therapist.

Tackle Your Problems

If you're dealing with a stressful situation, don't stew in self-pity or waste energy pointing blame at someone else. That just makes you feel less powerful. Instead, it makes sense to:

• Write down the problems involved. On paper they may seem more manageable than swirling in your head. 
• List as many solutions as possible. For now, silence your internal judge. You can reject options later.
• Assess your list. Try asking yourself how you'd like this situation to end. Which options likely will get you there? You also can weigh pros and cons.
• Accept reasonably good solutions. Research suggests that searching for a perfect option breeds disappointment.
• Once you pick some solutions, break them into reasonable chunks and make a concrete plan. You might set yourself some specific deadlines too.
• Don't get discouraged if the first solution you try doesn't pan out. Try another one on your list.

Shift Your Thinking

How you think about a problem affects both how much it upsets you and how well you tackle it. I possible, it pays to shift your mind away from negative thoughts or excessive worries. Try these suggestions:

• Ask yourself how realistic your worry is. Our imaginations can take us into situations that may never develop.
• Set aside "worry" time each day. Then whenever a negative thought intrudes, tell yourself to wait until the set time. You may feel better by then.
• Focus on the good aspects of your life.
• Look at tough times as an opportunity to learn, grow or improve your situation. Maybe you've seen how supportive your friends are or learned how strong you can be in a tough time.

Get Support

Sometimes some basic help can make a big difference.

• Ask someone to give you a hand with any pressing tasks if you're overextended. You can reciprocate at a quieter time.
• Don't be afraid to ask for advice. No one knows everything.
• Get emotional support. Crying, sharing your frustrations or otherwise venting can release tension, relieve stress and help you move on. Consider getting professional help if you need it.

The 10 Tools

These proven tools can help you feel stronger and more hopeful. Check out each page for specific, easy-to-follow tips.

1. Connect with others
2. Stay positive
3. Get physically active
4. Help others
5. Get enough sleep
6. Create joy and satisfaction
7. Eat well
8. Take care of your spirit
9. Deal better with hard times
10. Get professional help if you need it

DEALING WITH HARD TIMES...is to ...Take Good Care of Yourself

Rest. Getting through a difficult life situation can feel like an endurance event. ...

Exercise. Go to your local gym, take a swim, or a walk around the block. ...

Meditate to reduce stress. ...

Let yourself laugh. ...

Give yourself 15 minutes to spend time with your feelings.

Life presents us with many hardships to be overcome Dealing with hard life situations can be daunting. Emotions like fear, anger, grief, and sadness often go with hard life situations. Coping with such emotions and situations is not easy. Yet people have developed many useful approaches to dealing with hard life situations. These solutions include self-care, friendship, asking for help, therapy, spirituality, meditation, and LiveJournal.

Method

Finding Low-Stress Solutions

• Figure out what you can do about your situation. Give yourself a few minutes to reflect on your situation and figure out a plan of action. Ask yourself, is this a situation I can fix? Is this a life situation that calls for patience? Or is this a situation that I need to walk away from? Once you have clarity about what you can do about it, you will feel better about moving forward.
• List possible solutions to your problems. Give yourself 5 minutes to imagine as many possible solutions as you can come up with. Review the list and consider which options are best.
• Avoid searching in vain for the perfect solution to your problem. Instead, go for solutions that will work well given the circumstances.
• Make a plan to deal with your hard life. Using the approaches you have come up with, make a plan for concrete and low-stress solutions to your difficult situation. Be clear and specific about your intentions and plans for change. plan to change small things in your life. For instance, if you want to get in good physical condition, start with a plan to fit exercise into your calendar for the week.
• Try the act, learn, build, repeat model. Life is full unexpected circumstances. Yet, we can still make plans to achieve our aspirations, take action on those plans, and learn from our experiences.
• Move on! You will have to move on with your life. Don’t let difficult life situations hold you back forever. Try to let go of the emotional baggage and move forward with your relationships and career.

Method

• Taking Good Care of Yourself
• Rest. Getting through a difficult life situation can feel like an endurance event. Take fifteen-minute naps during the day. There are numerous benefits of rest such as improved memory and lower stress. If you have a hard time falling asleep, try a relaxation technique.For instance, try slowly tensing and then relaxing all of the muscles in your body. Start with the toes and move up to the shoulders and neck.
• Exercise. Go to your local gym, take a swim, or a walk around the block. Just fifteen minutes a day can help you cope with your difficult life situation. In addition, exercise helps to improve your mood, lower stress, and strengthen your immune system.For instance, try a fifteen minute skipping rope routine.
• Meditate to reduce stress. Practicing meditation can help you reduce stress, relax, and gain perspective on tough emotions. Find a quiet place to sit. Set your eyes in front of you, half closed, and watch your breathing for a few minutes. It helps to wear relaxed clothing.
• Let yourself laugh. Give yourself permission to laugh at times, even if things seem dire. It is not known whether laughter itself helps people feel better. It may be things that go along with it like friends and a positive attitude. Yet, it can't hurt! It seems to produce similar benefits to exercise.
• Give yourself 15 minutes to spend time with your feelings. If you are having a hard time dealing with grief, set aside a few minutes at the end of the day when you know you can just be sad. If you are dealing with grief, try a combination of Talking, Exercising, Artistic expression, Recording or writing experiences and Sobbing (i.e., TEARS). The combination of these approaches can help you deal with grief.

Method

Finding Help During Hard Times

• Ask for help and be open to receiving it. Friends, family, co-workers, support groups, spiritual groups, or even higher powers may help. You need to be open to receiving help in whatever form it takes.
• Surround yourself with people who can help you to see past your trauma. People who will support and encourage you are who you should spend the majority of your time around. This can include friends, family members, your therapist, or anyone else who helps you to see past your trauma.
• Talk to friends. Social bonds increase our well-being. Friends may offer insights that you would never think of. They can offer moral support, an attentive ear and friendly advice. Make new friends. Of course, making new friends as an adult can be difficult. Try reconnecting to your core passions, and see what friendships emerge.
• Find a good therapist. You might want to find a therapist such as a psychologist to talk about your difficult life event. Ask your physician, family, friends, or your community mental health centre for therapy recommendations. There are many kinds of therapists such as social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Choose one you can trust, who is patient and non-judgmental. A good therapist can help you get back on your feet. ]A good therapist can also help you move beyond traumas and address any mental health issues that result from them, such as post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, or depression. Working with a therapist can also help you to process your current perceptions and determine whether or not they are based in reality. As part of your therapy, you can also build a coping skills plan and a self-care plan, discuss possibilities for treatment, and create some achievable goals and plans to help you attain those goals.
• Try calling the psychology department at the local university and asking for a recommendation.
• If you are moving to a new city, ask your existing therapist if they know anybody there.
• Avoid spending time with people who make you feel worse. If there are toxic people in your life, you need to avoid spending time with them.
• Method

Reaching Inward for Perspective

• Avoid confusing yourself with your trauma. Remember that you are not the difficult situation in your life. You are not your job loss or your divorce. Avoid negative self talk such as blaming yourself for everything that is wrong in your life. Be kind to yourself. For instance, don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to somebody else.
• Practice gratitude. Be grateful for all the little things like a friend calling you or the sun shining. There is always something to be grateful for. Start with something simple. If the sun comes out, be grateful for nice weather. If you are free of illness, be grateful for your health. If your heart is still ticking, be grateful for being alive.
• Connect to your spiritual side. Reach into deeper levels of awareness to find solutions to your life. If you have a spiritual practice, now is an opportunity to explore it further.
• Consider the strengths you have developed as a result of a hard life. Whether you realize it or not, having had a hard life has likely helped you to develop strengths that you would not have otherwise developed. A therapist can help you to recognize these strengths as you work through the post traumatic process
• Write about the difficult situation in your journal. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling. Just express your feelings about the situation in your own words. Give yourself some quiet time before LiveJournal. For instance, you might want to light a candle and relax for a minute.

DEALING WITH HARDSHIPS

Whatever you’re struggling with, here are ...tips to help.

Acknowledge and feel your feelings.

“Avoiding your negative emotion may feel like an effective stopgap measure, but in fact it simply postpones, and perhaps escalates and exacerbates, a flood of negative emotion sometime in the future,” said John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

Ignoring your emotions is “like trying to run away from something that’s right on your shoulder. The only way to truly be free is to stop and face your emotions,” said Hibbert, who also specializes in women’s mental health, postpartum issues and parenting.

Still, you might worry that your emotions will be too overwhelming. While this can happen, people tend to get stuck because they’re actually not feeling their emotions, Hibbert said. “Instead, they think about, wallow in, and replay events. But they are not letting themselves really feel the pain, loss, sadness, anger, that is lurking within.”

Hibbert developed a method called TEARS – “Talking, Exercising, Artistic expression, Recording or writing experiences, and Sobbing” – to help individuals cope with their emotions, particularly with grief. “These five things can give us something to do when feeling overwhelmed by life stress.”

She also suggested clients set a time limit to feel their emotions every day. Even 15 minutes can help to process your emotions.

Don’t judge or rationalize away your feelings, said Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance. “[A]ccept them as part of your journey.”

Talk about it.

“When people bottle up challenging situations, the problems grow and mutate into horrible worries and anxieties,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the blog “In Therapy.” Talking about your troubles, however, helps you better understand your own fears and get valuable feedback from others, “who have probably experienced similar levels of distress and can give you the perspective you need.”

Try to see past the hardship.

When you’re in a crisis, it’s hard to see any upside. But, with some distance, you may be able to see the situation in a different light. According to Howes:

You lost your job? Well, you’ve lost some in the past, and always landed on your feet. You had a fight with your spouse? Well, historically, you tend to bounce back. You had a panic attack? Most of your life hasn’t included panic, so we can assume most of your future won’t as well.

Some lost jobs lead to better jobs, some broken relationships lead to relationships that are a better fit, and some panic leads to finally getting the help you need.

Prioritize self-care.

“[Self-care] is absolutely necessary to survive tough situations,” said Marter, who also pens the Psych Central blog “The Psychology of Success in Business.” “[Y]ou won’t be of any help to others if you are incapacitated,” Howes said.

While you might not have time for your usual healthy habits, you can still take good care of yourself. For instance, if you can’t prepare a nutritious meal, keep protein bars in your bag, she said. If you can’t go to the gym for an hour, take a 10- to 15-minute walk around the block to “relieve physical tension and clear the cobwebs in your mind.”

Ten minutes of meditating or a 20-minute power nap also helps, she said. Remember that a stressful situation isn’t a sprint; sometimes “it may be more of a marathon. [You] need to pace [yourself] and take the necessary time to rest to reboot your mind and body.”

Consider if you’re experiencing a catastrophe or an inconvenience.

Sometimes we magnify problems, turning a fixable concern into a calamity. Jeffrey Sumber, M.A., a psychotherapist, author and teacher, shared a family lesson about viewing issues more accurately.

My great grandmother gave our family a very important key to coping with difficult situations in life. She suggested that if anything can be fixed with money, it is not really a problem. This rule has been very important in my life as a reminder that so often we create catastrophes where there are sometimes inconveniences.

Practice acceptance.

“Let go of that which you cannot control,” Marter said. To start, make a list of everything you don’t have control over. These are the things you can stop worrying about.

“During a moment of meditation or prayer, visualize handing those items over to your higher power and letting them go. Then focus on what you can control, like your self-care, your words, your actions and your decisions.”

Ask for help.

You might assume that you can and should handle this difficult time on your own. Many people do. But, interestingly, when Duffy talks to his clients, most say they’d never expect others to manage similar situations alone. “We need to relinquish control, ask for help, and receive it with grace.”

When asking for help, you may need to be direct. Let others know what you need, such as “support and compassion,” and what you don’t need, such as “[not] criticiz[ing] my slowness to heal,” said Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression.

Seeking support from your loved ones also strengthens those relationships. According to Hibbert, “[F]amilies and friends who can be there for each other, who can listen, talk about things, and openly feel together, not only help the individuals heal, but protect and strengthen the relationships that, in times of stress, are otherwise too often neglected.”

And remember that there are many kinds of support. “Support may come in the form of family, friends, co-workers, a doctor, therapist, support group or even your higher power,” Marter said.

Limit time with toxic people.

Serani suggested spending less time – or no time – with toxic people. These are individuals who are not supportive or reliable and don’t have your best interest at heart. They don’t listen to you, and might even be critical, judgmental or demanding. After being with them, you feel drained and depleted. In other words, they make you feel worse.

Stay grounded in the present.

“Practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation and yoga, [which] are excellent for the mind and body when going through a crisis,” Marter said.

Call an end to the crisis.

“Far too often, we allow crisis to define our lives and mindsets for way, way too long,” Duffy said. We burn out, become more anxious and depressed and have less energy and focus to find effective solutions, he said.

Calling an end to the crisis helps you shift into a calmer and more solution-focused state of mind.

For instance, Duffy worked with a woman who was grieving the dissolution of her marriage and going through a lengthy divorce process. “One day, we agreed that, though she did not have the power to end the marriage in the immediate run, she did have the choice to end the crisis she was suffering.” She still has to deal with attorney calls and paperwork. “But she is not in crisis.”

Observe the situation as an outsider.

“Take a ‘crisis break’ in which you relax and observe the situation as if you were an outsider, hearing about the circumstance from a friend or maybe a co-worker,” Duffy said. Take several deep breaths, and focus on your intuition. “You are very likely to derive some useful thoughts you would not have come upon within the midst of your anxious state.”

Just take action.

“If you don’t know what to do, do something,” Howes said. “Make a list, make some phone calls, gather some information.” Avoiding a situation only adds to your anxiety and “what ifs,” he said. Taking action is empowering.

Remember that you are not your difficult time.

As Marter said, “You are not your problems or your crisis. You are not your divorce, your illness, your trauma or your bank account. Your true self is that deeper entity within that is perfectly whole and well no matter what you are experiencing.”

Remember that everyone heals differently.

“I encourage children and adults to remind others that this is their journey and that no one should be clock-watching,” Serani said. “Everyone feels in different ways. And everyone heals in different ways.”

Tough times can feel incredibly overwhelming and exhausting. But there are many things you can do to soften the blow. Plus, if you’re currently not in crisis but have issues to work through, seek professional help.

“It’s best to fix the roof when the sun is shining,” said Howes, quoting the famous saying. “Dealing with our childhood issues, relational issues, or anything else when we’re in periods of relative calm may be the best investment of time and effort we can make.”

And when you’re ready, look for the lesson. As Marter said, “Hardships are opportunities for growth and learning. They deepen our understandings of ourselves, others, and the world around us. There are hidden blessings that come with virtually every hardship, such as strength, wisdom, empathy or openness to a deeper spiritual awareness.”

BUILDING MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Stay relaxed. Would you like to be able to deal with life's ups and downs with strength and grace? Becoming mentally and emotionally strong isn't something that happens overnight. If you can start seeing every curveball life throws as a chance to practice being stronger, you'll begin accruing wisdom and clarity that you can put to the test when things really get hard.

Method

Identifying Challenges and Setting Goals

• Understand what it means to be emotionally resilient. Being emotionally and mentally strong, or resilient, means adapting well to things like stress, trauma, adversity, or tragedy. Resilience is not something you are born with — it is a process that can be learned by anyone, and is found in ordinary people. Being emotionally strong doesn't mean you don't experience pain or suffering — resiliency is often learned when one is faced with an extremely painful situation. What it does mean is that you learn to rebuild or "bounce back" from these experiences.
• To develop resiliency, you will want to focus on building particular skills, such as: making plans and carrying them out, developing confidence and a positive view of yourself, learning to manage strong feelings and impulses, and learning to communicate and problem solve efficiently.
• Learn about emotional regulation. Learning to manage your emotions is another important part of becoming emotionally and mentally strong. You may not be able to control what life throws at you, but you always have a choice about how you react. Again, this is something that is not innate; anyone can learn to manage his or her emotions productively.
• Identify specific areas that you would like to change. Before you can build up your mental and emotional strength, you will need to take an inventory of your strengths and challenges to determine what you would like to change. Make a list of as many of your strengths and challenges as you can think of. Once you have finished your list, figure out how to turn each of your challenges into a goal that you can work towards.
• For example, you might have included on your list of challenges that you have difficulty asserting your needs. If you want to work on this issue, you would say that your goal is to become more assertive.
• Acknowledge your strengths. In addition to identifying areas for change, you should take time to celebrate your strengths. Read through the list of your strengths and congratulate yourself for these positive traits. Giving yourself a little pat on the back now and then will help you to stay focused on your positive qualities and help build up your mental and emotional strength.
• Consider your past experiences. The reason why you might be feeling like you lack mental or emotional strength may be linked to something that happened to you in the past. Whether this thing happened just a few months ago or when you were very young, it may be affecting your mental and emotional strength. Research has shown that children who are abused, neglected, or otherwise endangered are more likely have emotional and mental issues, which may cause them to abuse drugs or attempt suicide. Try to determine if negative childhood experiences may be contributing to your mental and emotional states. Consider how and why those experiences may have affected you the way that they have.
• You may need to talk to a therapist about your childhood experiences in order to fully understand them, deal with them, and move on.
• Determine if you have an addiction that requires treatment. An addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, or something else may be damaging your mental and emotional strength. If you think that you are addicted to something, seek help to get rid of your bad habits. You may require treatment if your addiction is severe. Talk to a therapist or a doctor if you think that an addiction may be damaging your mental and emotional strength.
• Track your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Journaling can help you to understand what may have caused you to experience these challenges, and it is also a great way to relieve stress. To get started with journaling, choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. You can start by writing about how you are feeling or what you are thinking, or you can use a prompt. Some prompts you might use include:
• “I feel powerless when…”
• “My biggest challenge is...”
• “If I could talk to myself when I was a child, I would say…”
• “When I am feeling low, the nicest thing I could do or say to myself is…”
• Consider talking to a therapist. Without help, it may be hard to figure out why you feel you are struggling and determine the best way to deal with your feelings. A licensed mental health professional can help you to understand your feelings and help you work through them.
• Keep in mind that feeling mentally and emotionally fragile may be part of an underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide on the best course of action.

Method

Staying Even-Keeled

• Stay away from vices that disturb your mental peace. If you're toying with your mental health by drinking, doing drugs, stealing, lying, and so on, you're detracting from your ability to be emotionally and mentally strong. Start phasing these vices out of your life, or at least limit them so they don't control your behavior and emotions. If you have an addiction, get help.
• Take good care of yourself. Exercise, healthy food, rest, and relaxation will help you to develop and maintain your mental and emotional strength. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be taken care of. Make sure that you are devoting enough time to meeting your basic needs for exercise, food, sleep, and relaxation. Exercise regularly. Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day.
• Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
• Get eight hours of sleep per night.
• Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
• Drink plenty of water, at least eight glasses a day, more if you are exercising and sweating.
• Enrich your mind. Challenge yourself to keep learning all the time. You'll get mentally stronger and wiser the more knowledge you accrue. Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut, either mental or physical. Be curious, aware, and informed about the world.
• Read books, watch good films, go to concerts, go to plays, watch ballets, and take in art in some form.
• Make your own art. Write, paint, make music, do sculpture, knit — anything that stimulates your creative side.
• Learn new skills. Branch out in the kitchen, do some DIY projects around the home, plant a garden, learn how to drive a manual car, learn how to fish, train to run a 5K.
• Talk to people. Have deep conversations that go beyond small talk. Learn people's histories and share your own.
• Work on your spiritual side. Many people gain strength from paying attention to their spirituality. Having a connection to something greater than yourself - whatever that may be - can imbue the spirit with strength and a sense of purpose. Research has shown that spirituality and prayer help to relieve stress and decrease healing times during an illness..Spirituality can take many different forms, and it's important to find the one that works for you. There's no right way to be spiritual.
• Consider going to a place of worship to pray with other people.
• Get into meditation or yoga.
• Spend time in nature and admire the beauty of the natural world.

Method

Building Mental and Emotional Strength

• Set reasonable goals and follow through with them. You can practice building mental strength by setting meaningful goals and working to accomplish them, step by step. Getting from one step to the next requires applying yourself, working through boredom or pain, and sticking it out until you've made it. That's no easy feat, and the more you practice, the better you'll get at achieving your goals.
• If you have big goals that seem unattainable, break them down into smaller doable steps. For example, if you want to work on becoming more assertive, you could set a goal to speak up for yourself three times per week. These instances could be as minor as telling your partner that you want to go to dinner at a specific restaurant, rather than deferring to your partner’s choice.
• Have a "stick with it" attitude. Decide that even if you have a setback, you're going to keep trying, whether the goal in question is keeping a job, finishing a project, managing your finances, and so on.
• See failures as learning opportunities. Failures are simply temporary setbacks full of lessons for us to learn.
• Make yourself strong against negativity. Negativity can come at you in different ways: it can be from within, in the form of negative thoughts and harmful self-talk, or from the outside, as negative feedback or abuse from other people. While it is beyond a person's control to ever fully remove negativity from her life, there are ways to manage it.
• Manage negative thoughts by learning to identify and challenge them. Learn more by reading Deal with Negative Thoughts.
• While you may be able to minimize your contact with negative or toxic people — you may even be able to excise them from your life entirely — sometimes these people are family members, coworkers, or other people you must interact with. Instead of taking their negativity to heart, you can learn how to not engage and set boundaries with that person. This wikiHow article, How to Deal with Negative People, is a fantastic resource to teach you how to do this.
• Use positive self-talk to build your mental and emotional strength. Positive daily affirmations can help you develop your mental and emotional strength. Take a few moments every day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something encouraging to yourself. You can either say something that you believe about yourself or something that you would like to believe about yourself. Some examples of positive affirmations include:
• "I am working on being emotionally strong every day."
• "I am learning more productive ways to manage my stress and be kind to myself."
• "I know that if I take little steps towards this goal every day, I will feel more emotionally and mentally strong."
• Learn to stay calm under pressure. When a situation starts to escalate and you can feel your emotions threatening to boil over. When you contain yourself a bit instead of being impulsive and reactive, you have more time to weigh your options and figure out the wisest way forward.
• Taking time to count to 10 sounds like a cliché, but it really works. Before you have an emotional reaction to something, pause, take a deep breath, and think it through.
• Practicing meditation may be helpful in helping you remain calm, as it teaches you to be more objective about your emotions and thoughts. Instead of reacting, you are able to look at thoughts and emotions and say, "Okay, I'm feeling really frustrated right now," and then figure out how what to do next.
• Let go of the little things. If you're sensitive to the small annoyances and verbal barbs we all encounter on a daily basis, you will end up devoting time and energy to things that, ultimately, don't matter. When you dwell on these little things and give them your attention or treat them as a major hassle, you not only increase your stress, but you may be increasing your mortality risk. Learning to adjust your attitude so that you take those small, everyday stresses in stride will help keep your stress hormone (cortisol) under control, protecting you from things like lower immune function, increased blood pressure and cholesterol, and an increased risk of heart disease. Instead of stressing out, develop the healthy habit of thinking about what's bothering you, calming down, and deciding the best, healthiest, most productive way of dealing with it.
• For instance, if your husband always forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste, realize that it might not be as important to him as it is to you. You can choose how to deal with the situation — put the cap on the toothpaste yourself and think about all the other ways your husband contributes in the house, or put a (nice) note on the wall as a gentle reminder.
• Be aware of perfectionism, which may cause you to have extremely high and often unrealistic expectations of yourself and how your day goes, often forgetting to factor in the many things that affect your day that are beyond your control.
• Try a visualization exercise to let go of little things that are bothering you. Hold a small stone in your hand and imagine that it contains the thing that is bothering you. Concentrate on that negative thing and squeeze the rock very tightly. Then, when you are ready, throw the rock away. Toss it into a pond or far into a field. As you do so, imagine that you are also casting away this thing and all of the negative feelings that you have along with it.
• Change your perspective. If you tend to get wrapped up in your own problems, find ways to get a different perspective on your life and all its possibilities. Everyone hits a dead end from time to time; those who have emotional and mental strength are able to find another way to get where they're going. If you're having trouble getting out of your own head, try these techniques:
• Read more. Reading the news or a novel lets you enter into others' worlds, serving as a good reminder that the world is a big place and your problems are but a drop in the bucket.
• Volunteer. Interact with people who need your help. Some studies have shown that volunteering has a wide range of benefits for your mental and physical health.
• Listen to a friend. Hear out someone who really needs your advice. Put yourself in that person's shoes and give the best, most genuine advice you have.
• Travel. Getting out of your comfort zone can really help you get perspective on your situation. Go somewhere new, even if it's just a few towns over.
• Have a positive outlook. Mentally and emotionally strong people tend not to complain very much. They have as many troubles as everyone else, but they take them in stride and see the bigger picture. Being positive about what's going well in your life, and about the possibilities the future holds, will provide you with more mental and emotional strength to tackle difficult situations. Some studies have even shown that having a positive outlook can benefit your physical health as well. Let yourself be in the moment during happy times. Try to enjoy your family, friends, pets, and so on as much as possible.
• Look for the positive in difficult situations. There is always something to be learned.
• Be honest with yourself. Being able to face reality might be the biggest sign of a person's emotional and mental strength. If you're going to overcome an obstacle, you need to be able to take it head on. Lying to yourself about what's going on will only end up hurting you in the end. If you have escapist tendencies, like watching too much TV as a way to avoid your problems, recognize your bad habits and work to overcome them.
• Be honest with yourself about your challenges.

Method

Dealing With Life Situations

• Think before you act. When you're faced with a difficult situation, take as long as you need to think it through before you react or make a decision. This gives you time to get your emotions under control and weigh your options, and it's mandatory no matter what situation you're dealing with. If you can, take time to evaluate the situation, writing down how you are feeling. Try to identify at least one positive thing about the situation, no matter how small. Changing your thinking in this minor way can make a huge difference.
• Remember to take at least 10 seconds to let something set in before you speak. Even if your girlfriend just told you she wants to break up, you can spare 10 seconds to compose yourself before you respond. In the end, you'll be glad you did.
• Examine all angles. In your composed state, before you decide what to do, think clearly about the situation at hand. What exactly happened? What are the possible paths that could be taken? There's always more than one way to handle a problem. Let's say a friend has asked you to participate in illegal activity, and you're not sure how to choose between staying loyal to your friend and obeying the law. Weigh the pros and cons of both courses you could take. Is your friend really a friend if he's asking you to break the law? Or is the law standing in the way of true justice?
• Determine the right path and take it. Use your conscience as your guide. Research has shown that people who make decisions based on what their instincts tell them to do tend to be more satisfied with their decisions than people who carefully weigh them out. Sometimes the answer will be clear, and sometimes it will be extremely difficult to figure out the right thing to do. Don't let the problem fester and get out of hand; make a decision and go for it.
• Consult with others you trust. It's completely fine to ask others' opinions if you're not sure what course to take. Just don't let them sway you into doing the wrong thing.
• Think about what someone you admire would do. It should be someone who is level-headed, honest and good-hearted. What would that person do?
• Ultimately, you will need to take responsibility for your actions. Make the best decision you can make — something you can live with.
• Reflect on your experiences. After you encounter a difficult situation, consider what happened, how you handled it, and how it all turned out. Are you proud of how you behaved? Is there something you would do differently if you could? Try to learn as much as you can from your experiences. Wisdom is only gained through this type of practice. Examining what happened, rather than just trying to put it out of your head, will help you know what to do next time you face a challenge. If things didn't turn out as planned, that's okay. Remind yourself that things don't always go smoothly, and that you won't always get exactly what you want; this is true for everyone, no matter how fantastic their life may appear.

Here's how you can start overcoming fear:

1. Be aware of fear in your life. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to admit that you have it. ...
2. Stare at fearless people. ...
3. Be objective. ...
4. Be willing to look stupid. ...
5. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. ...
6. Seek out teachers. ...
7. Share. ...
8. Embrace struggle.

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