The Hard Stuff (part 2)
“We chased our pleasures here
Dug our treasures there
But can you still recall
The time we cried?
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side”
??????— The Doors
The Hard Stuff Part 2
The experience of putting Big Boy down?in a specialty vet’s facility (four hours and four attempts) was so traumatic, I promised myself never to do it that way again. With the help of Miguel, baby daddy to my Frenchies, and the vet we now use, Dr. Terry and Traci came to the cottage and lovingly assessed Buddha Bear. Then on the couch in the living room we surrounded him and held him while a sedative was administered and then the drug to stop his heart. It was so very loving and hard; and I cry just writing these words. But it was the right way to let him go. His body was failing him and the seizures slowly taking parts of his mental abilities. Dogs are loyal and committed. They will try to carry on but we have to make the call when their quality of life is no longer in balance.
Miguel and Dr. Terry were not going to tell me?what to do but Miguel shared that he has waited too long in the past and then regretted the suffering of his dog. Today, I am doubting myself but know that I asked the right questions, gathered good thinkers around me, and found a way to make the suffering less scary.
Now, I need to learn to live without his presence.
The Frenchies are exhausted.?I did not realize how little sleep we all were getting. This morning I was awake at 4:45, which had become my time to start anew. I spent 2 hours in the bathtub answering emails and texts.
The world of my friends,?colleagues, and clients are pouring their love over our household.
I am appreciative and grateful.
I have lost a partner?in work and a partner in sharing my love with everyone we meet.
But following the example?of living that Buddha Bear shared, I will go on.
Leslie
My Best Friend
I have a best friend
His name is Buddha Bear
He doesn’t talk a lot or use his words
But his eyes tell me everything.
We are growing older together.
Our hair is now silver
And we move a little more slowly.
He is the yin to my yang,
I am an extrovert who wears my energy on the outside.
I am loud and move quickly from task to task.
I sing, dance and act funny just to get a reaction.
He is quiet.
An introvert who shows his love with his steadiness,
He sleeps by my side,
Stays within reach,
Finds a quiet corner to be the observer of our lives.
He does show off his running skills on the beach.
He is the fastest guy in our pack.
And his little nub of a tail, wiggles to show his happiness.
I tell him my secrets,
My fears,
My joys.
I speak gibberish in the mornings while snuggling and sharing my love.
He looks deep into my face.
He kisses my lips.
He watches for my return.
He quietly leads our pack and follows my lead into every commitment.
My best friend is sick.
He is having seizures in the middle of the night.
He doesn’t know what this means.
He isn’t afraid.
Maybe a little confused
His dark eyes surrounded by silver on his face ask me:
Who am I?
Where am I?
I tell him this morning; you are my best friend.
And I will be here for you forever.
— Leslie Yerkes