Is it hard to speak up for yourself?

I wanted to be liked because deep down I didn't feel wanted.

I am sharing this because my confidence has evolved and grown in the last few months and I believe the more I share the more it might help another who wants to speak up and feel confident about themselves. So here's my story that goes a little deeper than normal.

So, as a young kid because i didn't feel wanted or liked and I found a way to be liked. My way was making people laugh and magic and then people liked me. So, I did that more and got great at being like-able and making others laugh. That felt great!

To keep that feeling of being liked my ego created strategies and ways to unconsciously manipulate myself and others to get that feeling. When I did, I felt wanted and liked that feeling. So, I kept doing it. All that was from a context of not feeling wanted. Loved but not wanted.

I would have the following thoughts to myself. "If they just would just like me I will feel better" and If they didn't I felt the need to up the ante. Then my ego would say.. "I'll prove them wrong. Watch this! They will see! Then they will like me."  

That strategy worked UNTIL I couldn't get people to "like" me by just being funny or like-able. I couldn't just be funny or like-able to get the girl anymore. I couldn't just be the nice guy to get the sale. I definitely couldn't set boundaries because what if they didn't like those and then, they wouldn't want me. I definitely could NOT speak up or else.

My core belief/thought about myself was "I will just be nice or funny enough and they will want me" It ran my life. It ran me.

When I was about 15 I was trying to be funny and I got SHUTDOWN and made fun of. That's how my mind interpreted what happened. 

In that moment, my ego created a giant protective shell and NEVER WANTED TO feel that way again. EVER! My ego shouted to me... "You can't speak up or you'll get HURT. You'll get made fun of." I would rather die than feel that feeling again. I felt trapped.

So, it (my ego) avoided all situations where that feeling of rejection could happen. Internally though I wanted to speak up for myself. I wanted to make others laugh too. I was left with this feeling of Damned if I do and Damned if I don't speak up.

FEAR is sooooo dragging in life. My EGO never wants to re-experience those feelings again. For if I were to experience them again from a new point of view, my identity of who I believe I am would be challenged. The ego is very tricky. It doesn't want to be seen. It just wants to keep me "safe" and in a comfort zone.

I finally can see what's been holding me back and feel 1000 times more confident in myself, my business and my direction. It feels amazing after years of second guessing myself.

If you want to speak up for yourself. I've discovered a process that will help you identify the core issue/belief very quickly. Once you have that you can give that up to God and ask for healing and start the process of overcoming it.

Then it gets a lot easier from there. Not easy but very worth it once you dissolve that old belief that keeps you separated from God and your true self.

If you're interested, message me and we can setup a time to chat.

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels