Hard is Fun: How doing hard things will create a life of significance

Living with a disability has its challenges, I assume that anyone could guess that. When I was in the rehab part of my three-month hospital stay following my car accident in 1994 that left me a paraplegic, I was only thinking of the big things I would not be able to do, like walking, running, hiking, skiing, mountain biking, and rock climbing. Those were the things I loved most in life at fifteen years old, so they were the subjects of a lot of discouragement when I realized I would never be able to do them again. The challenges that people don’t tell you about are the mundane tasks, the intricacies of fatherhood, the maintenance of home ownership, and the other day-to-day things that are a thousand percent harder for the disabled. Getting a heavy Amazon box off the front porch, navigating a crowded foyer of a concert hall, or getting in and out of the ocean when the waves are rolling me up and down the sand can be a real pain in the ass. However, doing hard things is worth it. Doing hard things creates the life you want, one of significance. Doing hard things increases the knowledge and skills that are required to achieve your goals. Doing hard things gives you a great feeling of pride and accomplishment. Doing hard things separates you from others and makes you marketable and remarkable. So essentially, hard is fun. Or rather, doing hard things creates more opportunities for fun, but the term “hard is fun” is easier to remember and say. If I did not do hard things every day, I would still be sitting in a wheelchair, longing for more.?

I don’t particularly like making my children cry, unless I have them cornered at gunpoint? (nerf gun..duh) where they cannot escape, otherwise, it breaks my heart. I was a new dad trying to figure things out when my first child needed to learn how to ride a bike. Considering my disability, I had to also learn how to teach her. It was after a long day at work and the sun was warm and on the low horizon. The long shadows of the trees lining the street created geometric shadows on the pavement. I was hopeful but worried about how I was going to try to teach her. Usually, when parents teach their kids to ride a bike they put a hand on the handlebars, one on the seat, and help the kid balance as they run alongside. Eventually, after the child gets the feel for it, the parent starts to let go and let the child take full control. Considering my physical limitations, where running is impossible, this normal teaching method was a non-starter. I had to get creative and my toddler was running out of patience. With all the protective gear I could fit onto such a little frame, I was ready to give my idea a shot. Essentially, I would get her situated on the seat and pedals, give her some words of encouragement by reminding her that she probably wouldn't die, and then give her a strong push as hard as I could. Essentially, I would just chuck her down the road. My thought was that as soon as she had momentum, I would start to yell “peddle, peddle, peddle” and hope for the best.?

As you might imagine, the first try did not go so well. Even though I had her pointed in a safe direction, she immediately veered off course and ran directly into the curb, tumbling on the soft grass of the park strip. Thank goodness for that grass or I may not have gotten another shot at it. After a few more attempts, she was bawling her eyes out. I still vividly remember her looking up at me through her tiny glasses, reaching her little fingers under the lenses to wipe her tears. I will never forget how innocent and trusting those eyes were. She trusted that I would not let her down. At that moment, the words that came out of my mouth still influence our family today, and they have become something we all live by. I sat next to her on the curb, my arm around her defeated little frame and asked why she was crying. Was she hurt? Was she frustrated? Was she Scared? She said, “Daddy, I’m scared. I don't want to do this anymore. This is hard.” My answer, the words that mattered then and now, were “Baby girl, hard is fun.” When she calmed down enough to get past the fear of trying again, she got on that bike, forced a smile, and succeeded. Because she did something hard, she earned the ability to enjoy riding bikes for the rest of her life. The feeling of freedom, excitement, and enjoyment, as well as a good way to get exercise, are all the benefits of my daughter doing something hard and learning to ride a bike (by unconventional methods).

I did not think much of those words in the moment, but over the next several hours I thought about how profound they were and committed to using the term more. Hard is fun! Why? Because easy means nothing. Because when you earn the right to relax, enjoy a vacation, or buy something new by putting in the work, it means so much more. Because doing hard things sets you apart from the masses. Because doing hard things gives you a deep sense of pride and accomplishment that sustains happiness. Learning, growing, accomplishing, overcoming, winning, succeeding, and acquiring are the fruits of doing hard things that create a life of significance. “Hard is fun” is now the term often used to remind my children, four of them now, to focus on the results and put in the work rather than complain about hard things, avoid doing them, or do a poor job.?

Choose your Hard

The internet is filled with memes, videos, and other forms of content that can inspire us in many ways. Recently I was exposed to the idea of the phrase, “Choose your hard.” Essentially, the idea is that life is difficult and filled with hard things, so you might as well choose the hard things that create a better life for yourself. The meme came with examples such as:

“Obesity is hard, being fit is hard. Choose your hard.”

“Being in debt is hard, being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.”?

“Being married is hard, divorce is hard. Choose your hard.”

In other words, we often think about change or improving our situation as being hard, then fail to notice how hard it is to continue living the way we are. If things are already difficult, maybe it is time to try something different. I can tell you from my experience that being fit, financially secure, and married to my wonderful wife takes a lot of hard work, but it sure beats the alternative of those three points.?

Sometimes hard things are not a choice, like my disability. However, in that situation, I can still choose my hard. I can choose to work hard at accomplishing the best outcome of my injury. I can choose to think positively. I can choose to be happy. I can choose to try to do everything I can, regardless of how much harder it is for me. Conversely, I could let my disability define me. I could be depressed, and negative, and not try to improve my situation. The outcome of that behavior is also hard. To me, living in that sad world is much harder than doing the hard things of my choosing.?

Four Benefits of Doing Hard Things

1. When you earn it, you appreciate it. Earning the right to relax, to enjoy a vacation, or to buy something new by putting in the hard work feels so much better. An adult beverage to celebrate accomplishing something difficult tastes better than drinking to forget your sorrows. Working hard to save money to buy that new truck you have wanted for years feels better than the oppressive debt we often put ourselves in. Enjoying a vacation after working long hours feels better than skirting responsibilities and feeling guilty for being away.?

When you earn something, there are often no strings attached so you can fully appreciate whatever that something is. You can fully experience the joy and savor the moment without any contradictions. The pride of accomplishment makes all the rewards taste so much better.

1. Doing hard things sets you apart from the masses. Most people do not choose to do more than what is necessary, and what's worse, many people don’t even do that. It takes commitment to do more than what is necessary to keep you from being fired from your job, maintain your home, or hold your family together. As soon as responsibilities are met, we naturally start looking for pleasure. Watching the game, consuming alcohol, kicking your feet up, and stuffing your face with unhealthy foods are the choices most people make.?

Think about the difference you could make in your life if you replace frivolous activities with productive habits that push you towards reaching goals. I am not advocating for never enjoying some good rest and relaxation or mindless entertainment. I am advocating for a reward system. Personal accountability forces you to do more than the baseline responsibilities to maintain life, allowing you to earn your desired pleasure. That is what will truly set you apart from the masses.?

When you set yourself apart from the masses you become marketable and remarkable, which will expose far more opportunities, experiences, relationships, and success than you could ever get by being lost in the crowd. The world is not set up for everyone to be wealthy, successful, and influential. We are competing against everyone all the time for available resources. Do hard things to separate yourself from the pack.?

1. Accomplishments increase self-confidence, contentment, and gratitude. Doing hard things gives you a deep sense of pride and accomplishment that sustains happiness. Each time you accomplish something difficult, confidence has a compounding effect that gives you the ambition to do more hard things. It is a cycle that continues to improve your life and brings more success, providing lasting contentment and gratitude.?

The more you accomplish the more you understand that you create your own success and opportunities in life. You are owed nothing. When you realize that your success and happiness are up to you, there is no one to blame for your failures, no one to envy, and no one that owes you a damn thing. That shift in mindset allows you to be grateful for any help or opportunity that comes your way, as well as appreciate what you have.?

1. Doing hard things creates a life of significance. Because learning, growing, accomplishing, overcoming, winning, succeeding, and acquiring are the fruits of doing hard things, which create a life of significance. The natural side effect of doing hard things, learning new skills, overcoming adversity, and succeeding is that through the process you are stepping outside your comfort zone. You are exploring the world, meeting people, seeing places, and putting yourself in experiences you would not have otherwise, creating a life of significance.?

If living a mundane life where you never experience anything new or exciting, where you are fine with limited knowledge, or you like a life where you cannot enjoy financial security, then disregard my advice. You can kick your feet up with your beer and football game and let the world leave you behind. But if you want to experience what this world has to offer and live a life of adventure, then I suggest you do hard things.

Just like my daughter learning to ride her bike, giving her a life full of bike rides anytime she wants them, so can you acquire the endless benefits of doing hard things. It was hard to learn music, but now I get to enjoy that creative outlet anytime I want. It was hard to get out of my wheelchair, but I got to partake in endless activities that I would not be able to do otherwise. It was hard to start a business, it was hard to quit drinking, it was hard to lose weight, it was hard to learn Spanish, it was hard to overcome my trials, it was hard to graduate college, and it was hard to choose productivity when I wanted to relax, but it was choosing my hard that has created such a crazy interesting life so far.?

The momentum and confidence I have gained from doing so many hard things will no doubt allow me to continue to live an interesting, fulfilling, and exciting life as I do more hard things. I will overcome more challenges, I will create more success and opportunity, meet more people, see more places, and truly live a life of significance. Because, “hard is fun!”