Harassment in America's Safest City Demands new HR Protocols for Local Restaurants -- Part Two

Again, this article contains explicit language and may not be suited for children.

Now, to continue...

The GM.

Remember, the GM doesn’t work on weekends, so I called and left him a message with the hostess on Sunday stating that we had been sexually and verbally harassed at their establishment and that he needed to call me right away. A bit dramatic, but apparently not effective. By 3pm on Monday, I still had not heard from the GM and simply could not wait any longer. It was time. I contacted the GM at his Monday-Friday business office and just said, “Hello my name is Seth Santoro”…and left it at that. The GM said, who?

I stated… “Didn’t you get my message?” He laughed and said, “I received about 75 messages over the weekend.” I then replied, “I bet you didn’t receive more than one hate crime this weekend.” He immediately said…ohhhh. I just learned about this one hour ago and I have already told the owners. (Brief pause)… “You had an altercation with another customer…” I was so taken aback by this response that I almost started crying. Immediately, I corrected him saying something like, we were verbally and sexually harassed in your establishment for being gay. He paused. I paused.

After a few moments, I politely asked him if he had some time (which turned into 45 minutes) for me and I then launched into the very same story that I have told you here. He asked some additional questions, but really really listened to me, which was… important. Firstly, he apologized profusely and admitted that his staff had not handled the situation correctly. Secondly, he said that nothing like this had ever happened at any of their restaurants previously. (I’m still trying to find the relevance there, but…) Thirdly, he replied that he would have generally comp’ed the entire meal and then offered us a complimentary meal whenever we wanted in the future. Lastly, he apologized again on behalf of the owners as well.

Over the weekend, as part of my cathartic process, I not only wrote down the bullet points of the story, but also jotted down 16 HR/Training questions for the General Manager to answer, ranging from harassment training to weekend GM schedules to conflict resolution procedures. In other words, I was well prepared for this conversation and I wasn’t going to let this ever happen again at any of their restaurants. Ever.

I politely told him that I was not calling to get a refund for my meal (although that should have gone without saying), I was calling to discuss their conflict resolution procedures and their training on issue escalation protocols. I then adamantly added that we would probably never again dine in any of his restaurants given the situation at hand. I waited a beat, just giving him time to exhale, in confusion, and then I started my HR inquiry. I advised him that unfortunately or fortunately for him, I was an HR professional and had a great deal of serious concerns that I wanted to address for his establishment and all of their restaurants…

"We Are Now Faced With The Fact That Tomorrow Is Today…We Are Confronted With The Fierce Urgency Of Now."

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Resolution.

Despite what you may be thinking, I kept the conversation light yet stern. He knew, on some level, I could frankly sue the pants off of him. We laughed awkwardly a few times when he referred to the “silly” people sitting at that table. He apologized a few more times for Chris’ lack of emotional intelligence, the staff for doing nothing, the dismal discount, and more. Understanding my expertise, he inquired as to what I meant by conflict resolution and issue escalation procedures. So, I rattled off a few major points from the top of my head from my fifteen years of HR experience across three continents. There was no way within one conversation we were going to change their HR procedures. Here’s what I told him:

1)   See Something

2)   Say Something (to Manager)

3)   De-escalate the situation (as quickly as possible)

4)   “Emotional Intelligence” the Situation (Nurture or Escort them out)

5)   Quick, Swift, and Efficient Action

6)   Raise to GM/Owner (ASAP)

7)   HR needs to document

And…that’s just the beginning. The above steps don’t even include the steps necessary for the Human Resources department to handle their intense investigation, their resolution in terms of assessing liability/risk, and mitigating all potential litigation.

Throughout the conversation and toward the end, I told him various times we had an incredible opportunity at our fingertips. The issue was much bigger than either of us. This was policy change. This was beneficial to more than just their restaurants but all restaurants nationwide or even globally. I told him I was going to write an article and it was up to him and the owners to finish the story with good press or not-so-good press. He obviously and very seriously didn’t hesitate to say, let’s partner then and do something about it.

“Darkness Cannot Drive Out Darkness; Only Light Can Do That. Hate Cannot Drive Out Hate; Only Love Can Do That.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Future Solutions.

This is not an isolated incident anymore. These types of incidents keep happening in chains all over the United States, ie. MacDonalds, Starbucks, etc… We all need to do step up our game!

I am happy to report that I have already forwarded him my credentials (as per his request) and my initial thoughts on a conflict resolution procedure / issue escalation protocol training for all levels of staff for all of his restaurants. It’s now one week later and I have yet to hear from him, but rest assured, I won’t give up!

Partnering together, we can roll out some protocol training to ensure that this never happens again…and god forbid, if something like this were to happen again, they will all be trained on how to handle the situation properly, ensuring their patrons feel safe, supported, and protected. After all, isn’t that what we all expect when we go out to one of the best sushi restaurants in our towns?

What’s the Point?

Point #1: What would you have done…if you were us? Would you have done something differently? How would you have felt? Think about it!

Point #2: What would you tell your children if they had witnessed this? What would you have told them about the harassers involved? This one haunts me still.

Point #3: If you were a witness to the above incident, what would you have done? Would you have come up to us? Would you have intervened?

Point #4: If you don’t say anything, you are condoning this behavior. If you don’t do anything, you have missed an opportunity to help support, protect, and nurture our diverse culture of human beings. 

Point #5: It is more important now than ever before, we must step up and protect everyone… all minorities, LGBTQ, black, Asian, African, Native American. The list can go on and on. This terrible harassment is happening all around us, whether in the United States, Mexico, or South Africa. Everywhere.

“So Even Though We Face The Difficulties of Today and Tomorrow, I Still Have A Dream!”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

My Challenge For You.

I really want you to learn from our experience here. 

Pay it Forward. Don’t get bitter…get better. Reframe your anger into changing the world. Use your emotions to create bigger and more incredible solutions. Speak out. Speak up. Make the unjust, just. Now, repeat. And repeat again.

I want to give you pause. I want to give you cause to do better in the world.

I challenge you to always be the better person.

I challenge you to always take the higher road.

I challenge you to always lead from the heart with compassion and endeavor to contemplate all sides prior to taking severe or potentially harmful actions.

I challenge you to take the terrible and horrific situations of your present, past, and future and repurpose them by creating and ideating new opportunities and intentions for the world.

And, whatever you do, no matter where you are in the world, don’t steal another person’s napkin. Ever.

“In The End, We Will Remember Not The Words of Our Enemies, But the Silence Of Our Friends."

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Last Thoughts.

I haven’t wanted to share this story with my close friends, family, or colleagues yet. Can you guess why? It’s not that I’m embarrassed or it’s not that I don’t want to discuss what had occurred. Nope. The reason is, my friends and family will NOT be silent. They will be outraged as each one of you should be at this point. Additionally, my close friends, family members and colleagues will be so upset, so distraught, and adamantly worried about us that I’m waiting for the “right” time to do so. It will bother them so much and so much more because it happened to us. Does this situation make your blood boil?

For this reason, I’m putting our experience out there for everyone to hear, see, and feel simultaneously, so we can do something together. All of us. So, we can do something better next time. I wish I could say there won’t be a next time…alas, human rights issues effect all members of our human race each and every day.

See something. Say something.

The End.

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