HAPPY PASSOVER AND EASTER HOLIDAY WITH NO MORE MOMMY AND DADDY! BY, CHRISTIAN KAREN BERMAN

I have been trying to be very brave and strong for everyone who cares about me, loves me and believes in me! This is a holiday family weekend! I have no friends and family in the real world, yes, it's very true and really so very sad! My family use to celebrate both Passover and Easter since I was a little girl and ever since I could remember at age 4! I used to search for the hidden matza and then get a small present as a reward if I found it! I came home from "Our Lady of Good Counsel Academy" in the 4th grade with an arts and crafts homemade Easter basket with goodies and Easter grass inside! It was so happy and so much fun! My Mommy bought me Easter cup cakes from Entamins, before they made them allergy free, yeah, the good kind with lots of different rainbow colored jelly beans and coconut flakes, yummy they were the very best! My Mom bought me a big Easter basket, with all the sugared candy you should never be allowed to eat, but it wouldn't be a happy childhood without them! Lots of chocolate bunnies, jelly beans, the mini coconut candy wreath, she bought me an Easter dress and Easter bonnet! We also had a Sedar, our Great Aunt and Uncle came over, my Grandma Lee was alive then and it was so nice! My Grandma Lee who lived with us since my Grandpa Jules died when I was age 6, made the best Matza bries, thats fried matza and eggs in the pan, yummies! She was cooking until age 84 years old and very good at it! I remember she use to make homemade clow slaw from scratch and cinnamon baked apples! My Mom tried to make some kind of chicken matza ball soup with parsley and veggies! Apples and honey! Chocolate lollypops, all kind of Jewish and Catholic treats, the best of both worlds! During Passover, I remember that meant gafilter fish, matza and horse radish for lunch and I thought sadly at age 12 "YUCKY", why can't we go to McDonalds like we always do on the weekends and get a chicken Mc nugget happy meal? My Mommy was very involved in my early years until my teenage years and a little in my 20's and 30's! Daddy was working a lot and at school during a lot of my childhood! He took photo's, forced you to take your medicine when you were sick and helped with the homework! In the very early years, he made you eat dinner, go to school and go to the pediatrician's office, even when you were too sick and tired with a fever to get out of bed! My Mom was driving me all those places, making lunch and dinner, I barely ate, even in school, the teachers checked if I was eating, yes I was a very skinny kid too! I didn't really like my Mom's P.B.&J sandwiches, w/Wise Potato chips, Chips Ahoy cookies, HI.C fruit punch and when they had snack in school green sour grapes, my usual! Honestly the school lunch looked great, but my Mom and Grandma Lee thought I was too young and it would be too hard for me to use money and stand in a very long lunch line and purchase my own hot lunch! My 4th grade teacher Mrs. Brisson let my Mom take me home for lunch sometimes when my Mom asked, no one else just me! My Mom made me one slice of Ellio frozen pizza, I was all of 55-60 pounds and 4'2 1/2" in the 4th grade! She use to bake jiffy blueberry muffins and toll house cookies from scratch too! Daddy made angel hair pisketti as I called it! English Muffin pizza's and Kraft Mac & Cheese, the kind you make in the pot with cheese stuffed hot dogs! Mom bought all my clothes and toys and surprised me and bribed me to go to school and when I came home I had a new cabbage patch doll, it cost about 30$! She bought me a Care Bears, Wuzzle, Hello Kitty, a big soft My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake doll too! My Daddy was more involved in my life during my late teens and older! But he was also taking photo's, home video's and taking my brother and I around the block on our bikes since I was little! He was always the one in charge and the boss of the whole family! My Grandma though seemed to be everyone's Grand Matriarch Parent! Sometimes I miss them so much and really wish they were here in person to comfort me, give me some security about life and the big scary world we live in, hug and hold me on their laps and yes, they did hold me on their laps until the very end! My Mom maybe 8 months before she died in one of the rehab get better places, which totally, honestly failed her completely and the hospice was even worse, we tried to get her home, but they said he was too sick and needed too much care, more than we can give, they did nothing, but no one ever listens to me! Daddy literally put me on his lap and I climbed on at his request just a few hours before the Ambulance came to rush him to the E.R. with trouble breathing and an 02 level of 72%, it suppose to be 96-100% of oxygen saturation on the pulse ox monitor! He had lots of fluid in his lungs do to congestive heart failure! There was a major flu epidemic and kids were dying of it in hospitals across the country on the news! He had been sick for weeks, but not seriously ill, he watched the channel 12 news all the time as well as CBS News and was afraid to go to the E.R., because he was afraid of catching the flu virus! Ironically he never caught the flu when he was in the hospital for 3 weeks! He did have congestive heart failure and his cardiologist was watching him by phone, we kept in touch with him! The hardest part of having no parents is no care, worry, concern, the love, the fun, hugs, snuggles in bed, sitting on their laps, day trips to fun places, holidays, I loved everyday with them even rainy days, so they'd be in the house with me and we'd all be safe and sound and happily together! Daddy picked me up until I was in my 20's and if it wasn't for his bad knees and trouble walking he would have still been able to pick me up in my 30's! I use to jump on his lap and get bumpy rides on his lap until my 30's, so much fun, he sung a diddy and we both smiled and laughed! I was always on his lap and hugged him facing him or side ways, he was very affectionate more than my Mom was, he was more the boss of me, even my Mom said "Whatever your father says!" She said "I know you love him more than me" or "I know you like him better!" she said it kind of sadly but understood, but she was honestly 2nd best and favorite and she knows I love her and miss her very much too! I was very closest to Daddy and he was the cool Dad, everyone at school wished he was there cool dad, they said to me when I came to visit his class last when I was 25, "It's so cool I'm his daughter!" Daddy was working with kids since he was a kid at age of 15, not only did he know what was in, popular and cool in toys, but he was very relaxed and laid back about everything! But when we did have disagreements we always happily made up in the end, we were never mad for long! I was so close to him, I'd say even more in my 20's and 30's! I so wish our time together wasn't over, it is so sad to be all alone in the world for real! I try not to think about it and forget, but there is times when I really miss them so much and need them! I miss a few other people who were helping me too, but became to busy to care about me and help me anymore very sadly! I really wish they stayed in my life to give me some of the comfort and security that I have a few more good people in the world that care about me and I am not alone! I happily welcome them back anytime they might miss me because, I really miss them very much too!!!