Happy Mother's Day

Scrolling through my social media feed on Mother’s Day (today), I observed various distinct dedication to mothers. A friend posted proudly how her mom juggles multiple things excelling at the top of her career but also came back home every night to read story time for her and her sibling. Another friend wrote fondly about her mother as a stay-at-home mom who dedicated her life to her children, ensuring that they have the best the world has to offer. Another wrote about how her mother survived cancer and her determination became an inspiration to the children growing up.?

There are many different definitions of success. And to each, their own story of how their mothers are heroes.?

I grew up with 9 other siblings, with a mother who is somewhat a housewife. Somewhat because, on top of caring for her many MANY children, she decided to support abah(dad) in providing for the children and improved our livelihood by selling keropok, batik, plates and pots and whatever direct selling she could do. Our car will be full of ‘merchandise’ as each time we will bring these back from our village in Kelantan, an 8 hours’ drive from Kuala Lumpur, with 5 kids snuggling in abah’s car. It wasn’t a convenient ride, but we got used to it growing up.?

When we moved from our small flat to a landed house, I was ecstatic. My mother also upgraded from going home to home carrying her bag of ‘merchandise’, to setting up a small ‘shop’ right in front of our house. We even had a popcorn machine and sometimes spent the night making popsicles to sell to the schoolchildren who would walk past our house after school. Reflecting, I do think that my mother’s energy and determination are the inspiration that brought me this far. Maybe that is why I have this much passion in me in whatever I do.?

But then again, that is my story. To each is their own story right.

Don’t compare yardstick!

As mothers, sometimes we decide that the yardstick as a mother is by comparing how much time we spend with our kids compared to our other female colleagues.

For me personally growing up, I don’t think I bothered, but I appreciated the hours that my mother spent trying to improve our livelihood. I respected her tenacity and even those long hours she spent on her direct selling business, her community work and even some politics on the side. I saw how our lives changed, and I appreciated the childhood that I had.?

Rather than having guilt engulfed us as working mothers, what should matter is how our kids feel, and what they think. It is important that we have this conversation with them, rather than among peers, constantly comparing notes on how much time we get to spend with our respective children.?

Find ways to make it work between you and your child, as what works for one mother does not necessarily work for another. Respect that your child has the maturity to have this conversation with you, as you work towards making them understand your constraint and for you to understand what is important to them.

You are your child’s role model.

Research consistently shows that people identify their mothers as their heroes. The ones who provided us the wisdom in life growing up and in the face of setbacks, they pushed ahead always striving to do better and be better every time. Mitch Albom once said, “A mother’s love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” Mothers, when we think we are at our wits’ end, their belief makes the impossible possible.

And today, as mothers, we are now the heroes of our very own children. It is our turn to impart that wisdom to our children. Providing words of encouragement, support for them to explore and do what they love, and sometimes, those random hugs when they face setback provide the inspiration for our children.

What we do becomes things they cherish and maybe reflect on years later. Not an easy job, as we can be vulnerable at times too. But mother’s love does beat all odds all right.

Be a hardcore fan

Sometimes we don’t have a 2-way conversation with our children – succumbing mostly to either an instruction or the ‘ehem’ ‘aha’ ‘ok’. But those development years, as they are curious, should be the time when we replicate the curiosity and just converse.

My son Aaron is now interested in airplane, and I now ask him multiple things to keep his fascination alive - from the make of the plane, airways that he likes and just curious about whatever fun facts he would offer. Everything awed me, and he gets excited when he explains things. The more I asked and enjoyed our conversation, the more research he did as he wanted to get his ‘number one fan’ intrigued.

Sounds easy enough - Yup. And I learned many new things, including which airplane offers A380 flight from Kuala Lumpur to Rio. Looks like our travel arrangement is sorted.

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I lost both my parents early on in my life. My dad was a strong army man and my mom, as you now identify, is a strong-willed woman who provided for her 10 children.?We lived a rather basic but comfortable life thanks to them, and both are my heroes in their own way.

Thank you ma and abah for this story of my life, and shaping me to become who I am today.

And of course, what i write here is my own reflection of my personal journey growing up and may not identify with everyone in general. To each, your own yardstick of what motherhood is. ??

Happy Mother’s Day!

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