Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Mom has been the reason behind my Marathons and Ultra-Marathons. Mom had a really simple philosophy in life - hard work. Life is not meant to be easy. Comfort makes you weak she would say. She even had a condescending sanskrit word for it, Sukha Purusha. Meaning, one who is spoiled by comfort.

Marathoners are an odd bunch, there is very little prize money, there is no big glory other than a PB (personal best) aka PR (Personal Record) and an occasional brag post on social media like LinkedIn. There is massive amounts of stress. Most of us just run for a Finisher's Medal that invariably collects dust inside a box in a closet somewhere. Then why do we run these events? What is the lunacy that drives us there? A marathon is a distance of 26 miles / 42.195kms. Ultra Marathons is any run of a distance greater than 26 miles.

While running my second full marathon of 2020 yesterday I was listening to the audio book, Ultramarathon Man by the world famous endurance athlete, Dean Karnazes. His reasoning for pain and suffering. Pain is our way of seeking redemption. Viktor Frankl wrote, 'suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice'.

Back to Mom. Her smile would lighten up my day. Her discomfort would bring tears to my eyes. Her anger caused me to shrivel up and apologize before I knew what wrong I had done (invariably, her anger was always justified, mom was always right).

Mom was diagnosed with liver and pancreatic cancer in Jan 2017, she was 79. We knew she would not make it when she was diagnosed. The diagnosis was a wake-up call, I started spending every minute of my time with her after she was diagnosed. We lost her 6 months later on July 7th 2017. Three months after she left us, I ran the Bangalore Marathon in Oct'2017 without much training. I can never forget that marathon, it hurt like hell. I could see her face with every step I took, especially her face during those last few days, clenched with pain when she was unable to mask it any more. My path to redemption. My way of saying thanks for all the happiness and love.

Here's a letter I wrote to her after finishing that first marathon after she left us to be with god:

Dearest Amma my love,

Today, 15th Oct 2017 was a difficult day. I ran 42.195kms without any practice whatsoever. Not true. I had run a few 10Ks. Given the minimal practice, I was contemplating not even going for the run. But how could I do that? This is not what you taught me. I remember the day I came home and told you how much I hated learning Hindi. You had scolded me a lot that day. Your message boiled down to, "you can, you must, end of story". You won't believe how much I remembered your scolding today. Each time my calf muscle cramped, your voice inside my head said, "you can, you must, end of story". You know there was this one stretch near cubbon park. My sacro-iliatic joint that has been suffering from SI dysfunction, sent explosive shockwaves to my brain. Your voice did not scold this time, instead I could feel your hand rub my back. Very much like that time you had given me a hot plate of anna-saaru (rasam rice) when I was burning with fever, you touched my forehead in a way that only you could. Amma, if you were around, I would have walked into the house and shown you this stupid medal proudly. That smile on your face would have made me feel like I had climbed Mt.Everest. I am missing you a lot today. Maybe this is my way of expressing my grief at your absence. Who knows, maybe I won't miss you after I finish my next marathon, but your voice will surely be inside my head....guiding me and telling me, "you can do it, you must do it". Your ever loving son!

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.. 3 years have gone by, not a day goes when something brings back her memories.

Happy Mother Day to all the moms out there. You are awesome!!!