Happy life needs a good balance of all things

Life is like a potato: uneven and brown.. you gotta peel mash that properly to make a good delicious dish out of it. I stay mindfully in the present and keep myself aware of the happenings around. What this means is that I am aware and receptive of my position, feelings, surroundings, thoughts, and changes in stimuli. I am on the lookout for things that just happen, which usually go unnoticed by most.

Also I think objectively once I've thought subjectively and although there is no true objectivity without some sort of innate bias, there is a fair amount of room to play around with whilst thinking about what would be the best course of action if our own emotional predispositions were not of relevance. This helps me make the best decision whilst keeping fairness as a standard, rather than the usual self-serving bias that is predominant.

Therefore, the amalgam of both these tactics help in me being privy to the circumstances/feelings/thoughts/material reality and at the same time dissociating my ego from these things and thinking of the best course of action to follow. A better way to phrase this would be: To act in a manner which I would deem fair if I saw a stranger do the same, in the same circumstances. So there's a bit of subjectivity as well, but objectivity too, for I would not be emotionally invested in that strangers' thoughts and feelings.

But, there is another aspect of crucial importance- your self. But this is not self in the ordinary sense. This is a self with diminished ego, which stands up for things worth standing up for. I have hypothesized an ideological framework: Don't have any framework. Allow me to explain it in our word "we attempt so hard to categorize, analyse and construct ideological or systematic superstructures which always have exceptions". Therefore, my idea is why have a model at all for everything? Why not we have a 'normal' and then deviation from the same? We could very well have no one model to follow or one correct way to act, but we could judge each circumstance in isolation and deal with it as the need of that moment requires.

As counter-intuitive as this may seem, it will solve a lot more problems than our current model of having a model/code. However, in my opinion, this is just another self-confidence question. Knowing one’s own strengths and weaknesses, and knowing when and where to seek out proper answers for questions one is ill prepared for leads to self-confidence in all aspects of life. How to balance work and family seems to be a fluid concept, in my experience, not addressed so much on a daily basis as it is over a period of time.

Incidentally my sales job included travel even sometimes lengthy tours and transfers to various cities on work, much of it at my discretion; which became an issue with the spouse. She knew the demands of the position in advance; but I suppose everyone has the right to alter their view of how they are affected. Therefore, the balance is what is working for you; and if there is friction, one needs to be sensitive to it and willing to adjust as necessary, to include seeking advice for specific circumstances. After all we are all working for our family first.

When I was talking with my best friend over couple of beers over a weekend sitting on our terrace and he said that we need to plot down priorities one by one and then give them numbers. For me, it's about an overall sense of balance across the different priorities in my life. I want to be setting goals in each of these areas, to achieve and maintain this balance while continuing to move forwards. What he meant was also one of my favourite tools for this is the “Wheel of Life”. The Wheel can give you a visual representation of your different priorities and an idea of which ones need more (or sometimes less) attention, and then it can also help you to commit to focusing on those specific priorities with a clear action plan to move things forward.

What we need to do is to identify the priority areas in your life. The first step is to define what your individual priority areas are. You might want to do this in terms of the roles you play (or want to play) in your life e.g. mother, husband, manager, colleague, friend, or alternatively you can identify areas of your life that are important to you e.g. family, career, fitness, creative expression, public service. You can also think in terms of values: creativity, freedom, integrity, generosity...

Once you’ve identified your current priority areas – 6 or 8 is probably a good number but you can start with more if needed – you can draw a circle, the Wheel, and divide it into that number of sections, labelling each piece of the pie with one of the priority areas. The next step is to give each area a score out of 10 (where you are now) This step is to reflect on where you are in your life today. Taking each area of your life in turn, each piece of the pie, think about the amount of attention that you’re currently devoting to that area, giving it a score on a scale of 1 to 10.

Then give each area an ideal score out of 10 (where you want to be) Now repeat the exercise but think about how much attention you want to be giving each area. What would your ideal state look like? If the area is romance, are you looking to just go on a couple of dates for a bit of fun and attention or are you looking for a long-term partner? If it’s health and fitness, are you aiming for 0% body fat or just to lose a couple of kilos.

Now take a look at your own wheel of balance and the scores you’ve given each area, and see where you find the biggest imbalances. Is there one particular area where the contrast is huge, say, you’re currently at a 2 but want to be at a 9? Are there several areas where you’re a bit average, maybe 5 or 6 and you’d like to be closer to 7 or 8? Where do you really feel that you urgently need to address the imbalance, i.e. what do you want to focus on first?

This is where it gets really interesting, as this is where you can do something about it! Ask yourself: What can you start doing to focus more on this area? What exactly will you do and by when? What can you stop doing, either by delegating to other people or by forgetting about it altogether? It’s completely up to you how ambitious you are in your goal setting and your actions to meet those goals, although it’s probably a good idea to include some easier short-term action steps to feel like you’re making progress. You can then revisit your Wheel on a regular basis, both to review your progress and to add or remove areas as your priorities change. This indeed a helpful tool to balance the life in all the aspects and then understand how to improve the balance. Cheers!