Happy International Men's Day

Boy. Man. An epitome of strength, courage, bravery, and resilience.

From when I was a child, my dad had always been my hero. I learned about heroism watching Silver Hawks, Power Ranger Samurai, Spiderman, Superman, Batman, and so much more. I knew that a hero was a strong and brave person who would always stand for the truth and make sure people were safe.

In my eyes, my dad was stronger than all these superheroes combined because in our day-to-day living; he was everything we needed and more. He'd pay our school fees on time, he'd make sure our assignments and notes were all done on time, he'd make sure we had everything we needed at home and at school, he'd put us on the best music and TV programs, he'd spend time with us playing, laughing and reading. That was heroism to me.

He was always so strong. So big. So knowledgeable. There was no question he couldn't answer. In the same vein, he was my dad. Someone I could be naughty, fun, playful with.

Today is International Men's Day and we hope to every man reading this, you know how much you mean to your world and the world at large. You are a hero to someone. You're a son in your family. You're a talent at work. You're a joy to some friends. You're an inspiration to some peers. Today is all about celebrating you and shining the light on your positive contributions to our world today.

The theme for this year's Men's Day is ZERO SUICIDE.

The suicide rate in today's world keeps skyrocketing and research shows that more than 50% of the suicide numbers are carried out by men. The statistics are different for each country but the underlying data is the same.

More men are killing themselves each year.

Suicide is a complex concept. It's not easy to understand or talk about but it's happening in our world and men under the age of 45 tend to be killing themselves more than any other group in the world.

In 2019, research showed that Nigeria has the highest suicide rate in Africa and ranks 6th globally.

What we learned from all the research combined is that men are more likely to commit suicide because:

1. Pressure - from home, society, and from every corner. The phrase "man up" is one of the many reasons men bottle up the nerve-racking experiences they have. Men are encouraged to toughen up or "be a man" about things they should naturally be able to express. This is an expression that men hear from when they were boys and all the way to their adulthood. If you're a man reading this; when last did you cry? If you're a woman reading this, ask a man you know when last they cried.
2. Communication - Generally, women are allowed room to share. To express their feelings about situations and more safe spaces are being encouraged to allow that happen. Men, on the other hand, don't have such liberty. Yet a lot of men suffer from anxiety and depression.
3. Substance Abuse - You know that alcoholism and depression go hand in hand. It's one of the ways people living with depression numb the pain or try to feel something other than the numbness. More men also have alcohol disorders than women.
4. Financial stress - This is really important to us here at Moni because we know how financial anxiety can affect a person's overall life. We've opened a conversation about this earlier in the year. It was eye-opening as we listened to a therapist share the mental stress that comes with finances. For men, it's double because they are expected to be providers. When someone who is seen as a provider finds it difficult to provide, they may start to see themselves as failures. This is just the first chain in the reaction that usually leads to suicide.

Just recently, a video on the financial pressure men face was going viral online. It was Mikel Obi, the footballer talking about the entitlement his family and friends feel toward his money. There were mixed reactions to this video but one thing was clear: Mikel had gone through it and the experience was frustrating. He reiterated his sibling's expectations, his in-law's expectations, and how if he said no, it was almost received as an abomination. Like he was breaking some sacred code.

This video made people start sharing their #BlackTaxStories - stories and tips about how to deal with being a breadwinner and having dependents.

We've also gathered tips that financial and psychology experts share on how to stop stressing about money:

1. Don't see money as the only measure of success: The reason many men stress and burn out when they aren't making as much money as they'd like to make is because their definition of success is entirely wrapped around money. "I'm successful if I have XYZ in my bank account.". The S.I. unit for success isn't money. Find other metrics that are important to you and fill those up as well.
2. Educate yourself: Financial literacy is a life skill. You must find knowledge about money - how to make it, how to keep it, how to spend it, multiply it, and make it work for you. You have to seek financial knowledge the way you seek career advancement. If you don't educate yourself enough, you will always stress about money.
3. Health is Wealth: Take care of yourself so you can focus on building your wealth. If you keep acting like Superman with the wind in his back, you may spend all your hard-earned money on nursing yourself back to optimal health. Eat right. Sleep. There are no awards for people who don't get enough sleep. Exercise. Have fun.
4. Have financial goals: This would help you focus on the most important things you need. It'll help you create, stick to, and adjust your budget; it will help you save money, invest, and build assets.

If you're a man dealing with mental stress, there are hotlines you can call to access therapy, counselling and help in case of suicidal thoughts.

Check out this directory for help.

Happy International Men's Day!