Happy Idiot

As my present self says farewell to 2023, I’m reminded of the many end-of-year naiveties of my past self, going back many decades before. Like a doting grandmother, I often look back at my past self with the thought of, “Oh, how adorable you were back then, with your childish fantasies!” Immediately I then wonder what naiveties my future self will note of my present self today. Wherever my future thoughts may take me, I’m fairly certain that none of my past or future existential realizations will be as profound as when I first realized that I’m both uniquely intelligent and uniquely idiotic, all at the same time.

Before my early twenties, I somehow felt I had a special intelligence that was truly rare and precious. This feeling fueled within me a sense of pride, as though I had something special to offer the world that no one else could. Of course, it didn’t take me long to realize that everybody else is also pretty damned smart and that everyone has a rare and precious intelligence of some kind. While I may have something special to offer the world, so does everyone else.

I like to think that wisdom woke me up from my boyish arrogance. Yet there was more to learn, and it took me still another decade to appreciate the dichotomy that, while we’re all brilliant in some ways, we’re also all idiots in others. More startlingly, I suddenly became aware that I may be just about the biggest idiot that I’ve ever met, in that I can somehow fool myself into believin’ just about anything… things that would certainly never fool anyone else. ?

Interestingly, I seem to fool myself most shamelessly when I want to believe my situation is much more positive than it appears on the surface. Case in point – when I find myself waiting indefinitely in long lines at the airport, when most folks are cursing their basic existence, I am somehow able to convince myself that my long wait is simply due to my overwhelming generosity. I actually fool myself into thinkin’ that I own the jet, and that I magnanimously allow the proletariat to use my private jet as often as they please, and even take the best seats on the plane for that matter, out of the kindness of my heart.

And I fall for it every time!

My idiocy doesn’t stop there… To reframe my body’s rapidly fading ability to provide melanin for freshly budding hairs, I can somehow convince myself that, rather than steppin’ closer towards the grave with each passing nanosecond, I’m actually just gradually turning platinum blond, a few hairs at a time, and that eventually I’ll be rockin’ the Rutger Hauer look.

No joke! I actually buy this rubbish!... I’m such an idiot.

And as if these stories weren’t enough to prove my superhuman idiocy, consider how I absurdly euphemize my slowly fading metabolism! Most of us get a bit less energetic and a bit heavier as we age, and I’m no different. But somehow I manage to convince myself that my age-related metabolic nose-dive is due to my superhuman power of “active hibernation”. With this mutant superpower, I’m able to stave off death by actively lowering my metabolism through daily life activities, as made manifest by a slightly swelling gut.

I mean… are you kiddin’ me? Seriously, who would fall for such nonsense other than me??

In many ways, everyone’s smart, and everyone’s an idiot…? And I may indeed be the biggest idiot of ‘em all!? But as of Dec 31st, 2023, at least I can say I’m a happy one.