HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO FROM THE POODLES OF PARK AVENUE BY KAREN-CHERIE COGANE!

FAST FORWARD TO MAY 5, 2018: “Hi! It’s Simone, the poodle, and I hope humans and pets have the best Cinco de Mayo yet!

This is for Mojito, my Chihuahua walking partner:

‘You accompany us to Café Beaucoup, so Cinco de Mayo is for you!

We’re off to ‘Enchiladas’ with Frank (our dog walker) and Ricardo (my poodle beau) for Mexican. Ready to dance salsa?

Why not eat burritos and skip the Fritos? How about tacos or tortillas? Ole! Here’s to a festive day!’

NEWS FLASH: On route to ‘Enchiladas’ on the Upper East Side, Mojito spotted a black mini poodle, clad in red.

‘She’ll be my 26th wife!’ he bragged.

I asked, ‘Did you drink a Margarita?’

‘No, but I’m from Mexico, so I could have. Isn’t she cute?’ he said.

‘Stop being silly and obsessive,’ I asserted, but it didn’t work.

Mojito flirted: ‘Hola. Como estas? (Hello. How are you?) I’m Mojito. Happy Cinco de Mayo! Si!’

Looking confused, the poodle tilted her head.

My comments: ‘As a poodle, I don’t think she understands Spanish -- probably speaks French and English.’

But, he persisted: ‘Maybe I’ll see you again?’

The pooch smiled, and as her owner started to take her away, Mojito kissed her paw.

I thought: ‘He has a crush on every dog he sees, but Mojito has unrequited love for ME!’

‘No more living in a fantasy, and find a real girlfriend, or this madness will never end!’ I blurted out.

Mojito: ‘I want a harem, as the sultan of Park Avenue!’

‘A Harem? How about ONE patient dog with a soft bark?’ I said.

His reply: ‘Very funny.’

‘When did you become a Casanova?’ I asked.

The Chihuahua: ‘I’m just a boy looking for a girl, uh, some girls to love.’

I corrected: ‘No, you’re a boy looking for 26 girls to love!’

‘How does a tiny Chihuahua have such a BIG EGO? Where do you get these nutty ideas?’ Ricardo chided.

Mojito said: ‘Makes sense. In the movies the Romans wear white togas, and many pretty women feed them grapes, and fan them. Looks good!’

Frank felt his forehead and inquired: 'Do you have a fever? You’re off your rocker!'

‘Excuse me? I’m not crazy, but a sharp Chihuahua with a sweet bow wow. What lucky girl won’t like me?’ he boasted.

'R-I-G-H-T . . . Lucky if she runs from you!' I scoffed.

The disgruntled Mojito did a round of frustrated yaps. Probably needs a nap.

‘You don’t get it. When I add the black poodle, I’ll have lots of extra wives,’ he replied.

‘Frank, do something NOW! Call a dog shrink cause’ he needs one! Put him on speed dial! Separation anxiety . . . Over-compensating . . . Insecurities with delusions of grandeur!’ I exclaimed.

‘You’re so smart, Simone. Where did you learn this?’ he inquired.

Me: ‘Grace (my mom) spoke about one of her friends, who has relationship issues. Ditto for Mojito.’

‘Maybe I’ll play matchmaker and try to get him a girl. But, with his mood swings, I don’t know. I should call a dog shrink, too,’ Frank stated.

‘Who’ll tolerate him?’ I posed.

Ricardo and Frank shrugged their shoulders. I bet Mojito heard our conversation, as he gave me a dirty look, but I didn’t care.

Frank asked: ‘Why do you really want so many wives?’

‘My pet parents won’t notice if I have 50 or 100, or even 1000 wives! Clueless! They don’t pay much attention to me, and I’m lonely. So, let’s fill up our eight rooms with dogs!’ Mojito retorted.

‘Simone, you hit the nail on the head. He fears being alone and wants approval,’ Frank emoted.

Our dog walker added: ‘You have me, Mojito, and let’s go celebrate!’

Now we’re seated at a table at ‘Enchiladas’ and it occurs to me: ‘Wish I could have a Mojito!’

Mojito perks up: ‘You do, Simone? I knew you’d come around!’

‘What? No, no, no, a Mojito, the drink!’ I clarify.

‘But, you said . . .’ he responds.

Me: ‘I know I can’t have one, but I hear they’re very minty. Besides, Mojitos are Cuban.’

‘No, I’m Mexican! And, you don’t know what you’re missing! I’m quite the romantic,’ he expresses, while staring at me.

‘Um . . . I bet you are, but . . . I mean . . . uh . . .’ I say.

‘Since when are you at a loss for words?’ Mojito asks.

I stress: ‘I’m not! But, I have . . .’

Ricardo to the rescue: ‘What Simone is trying to say is, she has me. WE are a couple, Mojito! She’s my girl! And, she’s NOT going to be one of your wives!’

Looking sad, Mojito lowers his head, and I feel guilty.

Frank tries to cheer him up with dog chips and sweet potato dip, but Mojito complains: ‘Hey! Where’s my salsa and tortilla chips?’

‘It’s not good for canines,’ Frank explains, but the Chihuahua demands: ‘I still want them!’

And, then he chomps on the chips so loudly, people say: ‘Shush!’ Can’t he ever be quiet?

We’d like the real thing, too, but Ricardo and I eat the substitute. When our beef comes, Mojito is appeased.

I’m keeping my paws crossed he doesn’t see more girl dogs. No such luck. Coming back, Mojito notices a Merle Chihuahua and a long-haired Chihuahua with a yellow sombrero.

Guess who’s up to 28 GIRLS NOW?

This is my life with my dog walker, my boyfriend, and the mixed-up Mojito.

Even though Grace and Raymond, aren’t Spanish, they’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Party guests will be mom and dad’s pals, me, Ricardo, Jorge, Frank, and Mojito. Hope we don’t regret the latter. Frank has warned the Chihuahua to behave.

Jorge, our chef, is from Spanish Harlem and is making: tacos, enchiladas, guacamole, tortillas, burritos, and spicy steak! Desserts are Mexican style flan (custard) and fancy cakes.

Too bad I can’t have a Margarita, but they’re for human senores and senoritas. I want a Cinco de Mayo dog drink, maybe one that’s pink.

Can’t wait to knock the pi?ata down from the ceiling and find toys, just like girls and boys. I’ll do a paw grab when my people lift me up.

Jorge is creating pooch-friendly tacos and enchiladas, so won’t overeat now. Can’t resist his Mexican delights!

P.S. First dog pic: Frank dressed up Mojito in a sombrero and poncho, but he yelled: ‘I look stupid, and everyone will laugh at me!’ His Mexican outfit will be the talk of the soiree! Ole!

Second canine photo: Here’s the black poodle, who’s a new addition to Mojito’s list.

Third pic of a Chihuahua: You know who is taken by her Merle fur. Meet girl number 27!

Fourth dog shot: The long-haired Chihuahua captured his attention. Welcome to Mojito’s Wives Club!

Fifth pooch pic: Frank’s friend sent it. When he told Mojito that the Chihuahua is his spitting image, he said, ‘Other than the mustache!’

The white poodle in the drawing resembles me.

Happy Cinco de Mayo to everyone!”

Written by: Simone, THE Park Avenue poodle