Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, a bit self-serving, but I’m trying to maintain a bi-weekly discipline to sharing “Witzdom” – and have established Tuesdays as a good publication day. So purely coincidence that today is my birthday!?Yes, 63 years ago today in a suburban Philadelphia hospital (okay, it was in “Delco”), I was born.?My mother told me it was an unusually warm Monday for spring. Of course, her generation would embellish. But Google not only proves her right, it confirms that at 92 degrees, April 25 was the HOTTEST day in Philadelphia in 1960. Some 90’s and 91s in the summer – but nothing higher. Probably some connection to my birth, right?

This isn’t a significant birthday, at least as society seems to define big birthdays (they end in a “0” or a “5.)”?And 63 isn’t really anything special – stuck somewhere between, “Oh my God, I’m 60!” and “Medicare, finally!”?My dad was big on telling me that you only have one birthday. The rest are just anniversaries of your birth.?And if he were alive today, he’d remind me, “You completed 63 years today – you’re really in your 64th year now.”

Some people hate birthdays – and likely have some good reasons. I love my birthday – not because of parties, cake, or even the flood of birthday wishes. Something about a birthday gives me energy. We tend to remember famous people who share our birthday-?for me?it’s Ella Fitzgerald, Al Pacino and Edward R. Murrow.?We also remember people we’ve encountered in our lives that share the day - like my grade-school classmate Karolee, and friends Robin and Ashvin, who I met through work. ?And we note historical events that occurred on our birthday. ANZAC Day is celebrated in Australia and New Zealand, a holiday akin to our Veterans Day and honoring those who fought in the famous battle at Gallipoli, Turkey on this day in 1915. This was big for me during my days working in Australia as it’s a national holiday – everyone had the day off for my birthday!

So what’s the link to my birthday and any wisdom I can share from my life/work journey? Birthdays have connected me to three simple values I believe helped me?strengthen relationships ?at work – and in my life: Empathy, Self-Awareness and Being Real.

Being Empathetic

Early in my career, I noticed several leaders who would remember and recognize significant events in the lives of their teams.?Not just birthdays – work anniversaries, promotions, weddings, births, etc. I know there have been some who have said this could be a bit much – Seinfeld fans will remember Elaine’s reaction to the “way-too-many celebrations” in her office. But these gestures are a natural way to create an office culture where people find time to socialize.

I recall a seasoned executive telling me her approach at building successful teams by highlighting several important traits. “Know your staff,” she indicated, was the most important one. She wasn’t simply referring to understanding their technical skills and capabilities. She urged me to truly learn about them.?Know their birthdays, the names of their spouses or partners, the names of their children, where they went to school, favorite sports teams and/or hobbies and interests. Creating a connection on the personal level gives your employees a sense that you care about them as a person, not just as an employee.?It can also help understand when something outside of the office is affecting the time or quality of an employee’s presence in the office. Expressing empathy, she said, is as good a “tool” a manager can supply to their teams as any other resource or technology employees expect from you to do their job. ?Before on-line calendars and Siri reminders, I would sit down each January and add birthdays and/or other events to?the calendars that would hang in my office. Technology makes it easier to keep track and remind us today – and I still try to send a text or call friends and past colleagues on their special day.

Making friends at work is not an objective when we seek an employer, but experiencing an environment where people feel comfortable on a human level has its benefits. And it costs leaders nothing to find ways to recognize their teams for personal accomplishments – and yes, another year around the sun IS an accomplishment.?So why not recognize it?

Being Self-Aware

Birthdays have also been a driver of self-reflection for me. There have been times I’ve used my birthday and age as a way of saying, “How am I doing?” against the plan I had for my life.?Ok, there really wasn’t a plan --- but there is always something I want to do. And I have found the best way to look at where you want to go is to assess how you arrived at where you are.

I joined the insurance industry straight from college. It was not a career aspiration, nor was it something I was driven to by family or other connections.?It was job with a salary - and vacation time.?That was important to a 22 year-old. I didn’t think much about the other benefits; but, I remember feeling in those first few months on the job that this was temporary, like an extended summer job. I’d decide what I really want to do with my life by the time I turn 25.?

As that milestone birthday approached, I decided it was time to test the real outside world. I decided to pursue an interest I’d had for some time – and this might surprise many of you – I decided to apply to join the FBI.?

Yes, you read that right.?My parents had a history in law enforcement – my father was a retired Philadelphia police officer and at the time my mother learned that I was coming along, she had just graduated from the police academy herself. But motherhood and patrolling the streets were not acceptable back in 1960, so she left the force.?For me, the FBI seemed to be a good fit – law enforcement with a greater deal of research, investigation and intrigue.?

The process to become an agent seemed simple – a written test, followed by an interview. After taking the written test in a field office one day, I moved to the interview stage.?The interview was going well, but during a break, they took me and other candidates on a tour of the facility – and one additional test. Can you shoot a gun??Well, coordination has never been a strength for me. I am a proud southpaw, but it seems I have TWO left hands - and somehow that superior right brained-mind could barely pull a trigger, let alone shoot at anything. I could see the instructor’s face in the window reflection over my shoulder – and he was doing all he could not to laugh – until I just cracked up.?“This isn’t going to work out, is it?”?

We know how this story turned out. Not having a career at 25 should have concerned me. But it was turning 25 – and not failing the FBI exam – that made me assess what I had accomplished thus far.?I realized that I was enjoying my time as a young underwriter. I think I?worried that I shouldn’t like this career since I didn’t really choose it. ?But now, my energy and enthusiasm for what I was doing shifted.?With a family, a mortgage, and other responsibilities, I thought about more than just the salary and vacation time. I became aware of the need for life insurance, disability / income protection and other benefits in a way I hadn’t before.?I may have eventually gotten there if my coordination was better and the FBI hired me, but we’ll never know. ?I felt satisfied that a career found me when I was ready for it, not because I went looking for it.

Being Real

One thing about having birthdays is that everyone you grew up with is having one too. Did you ever notice that when you think about your schoolmates, whether you are still in touch with them or not – you can remember which ones are older than you and which are younger, even though you were likely born in the same year?

I have been lucky to stay in touch with some friends from college, and 40+ years later we still find time to get together. As we would meet over the years, the conversations would reflect the times?and current events in our lives.?We started talking about jobs, then eventually about our families - with a heavy focus on the kids – what sports they played, where they were going to school, etc.?We’ve shared the losses of parents together, and celebrated the weddings of children and births of grandchildren. Our conversations continue to evolve with our lives.

We assembled recently for dinner. The conversation topics that night were what you likely think you’d hear with?a group of 63-year olds.?First we discussed ailments – one friend was in a “boot” from a recent accident,?so we discussed how careful we need to be. Two friends had retired within the past month- leaving only a few of the group still in the full-time workforce, so we discussed what we found we were doing with our free time. And then of course – the Medicare discussion came up. Yes, we started sharing the, “How many months do YOU have before you can apply?” stories.??We used to worry that we had become our parents when we got together – now we are pushing the limits on becoming our grandparents.

But if anything, we are realistic.?We all realize we had opportunities and advantages growing up and throughout our careers, along with ups and downs in our personal lives. One friend mentioned that “we are probably where we are supposed to be” at this age.

Planning to be “where we are supposed to be” helps. Retirement for me was – and still is -?not a goal. My goal was to be in a place where I could do what I wanted to when the time felt right to shift my life’s focus. That took a lot of planning, balancing and effort.?And I was realistic – I could work and receive benefits from an employer as long as I wanted to; ?Medicare and full-Social Security eligibility would happen one way or the other – assuming I lived that long. My plan was to be able to make a choice when I wanted to.

So how long will we live??If I read the life-expectancy tables correctly, I was expected to live be about 67 when I was born in 1960.?However, those tables say that if I make it to 65, I should make it to 80.?Both of my parents made it to 82- and if you factor their life expectancy at birth was only in the mid-50’s, I’m thinking my genes might get me to 90+. (I’m sure all of my actuary friends will test my math and thinking here!).?But then again, I’m not sure I’m shooting for an age here, as much as an experience. I want to experience my granddaughters graduating from college – and maybe even seeing?great-grandchildren.?I have a bucket-list of places to visit that I haven’t seen – and places I want to see at least one more time. I want good years, not long years.

Speaking of bucket-lists, I’d encourage you to follow Ben Nemtim, an acclaimed motivational speaker and author of “What Do You Want to Do Before You Die.”?He spoke at a company conference a few years back. He was phenomenal in his ability to encourage the audience, regardless of age or career position. He urges people to actively take charge of planning their futures. One of my first purchases upon moving to the current stage of my life was Ben’s “The Bucket List Journal,” which offers healthy suggestions on how to live your life while giving you a place to collect and track your bucket list items.

In a recent post, Ben highlights the connection between joy and planning for a vacation. “Studies have found that we can get as much, if not more joy, from the looking forward to a vacation than the trip itself.” He goes on to add, “The happiness we get from a vacation isn’t a fixed amount; starting to plan early extends the benefits of the travel experience.”?I relate his statements here more broadly. How many of us always focus on the destination we have for our lives while ignoring the journey??Planning is tedious, so we avoid it .?How many people do we know that can’t wait to turn a particular age so they can retire, but have no idea what they are going to do the first morning they wake up after that day??Ben closes his post by saying, “Life can get busy, and it’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind. But, you have to look after yourself if you’re going to be your best, and one way to do that is by booking something that your future life will thank you for.”

As Abraham Lincoln said, “It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” So whenever your birthday is, however old you are, celebrate it.?After all, having another birthday does seem better than the alternative.

Reisenwitz, from the German, translates something akin to “travel joke” in English. It explains why many a German-speaking border agent would snicker as I passed through passport control when I was working in Europe. I would subsequently translate the name to mean traveling fool – a jester, or a “wit,” given my career on the road. Throughout that career – and my overall life journey – I have acquired insight I have found beneficial that I’d like to share in this periodic newsletter. You can decide if it’s wisdom – or “witz”dom.?Hopefully you’ll find a little of both.