Happy Being Unhappy
Mac McNeil
Executive Director, NCRC CDF | Author of My Great Aunt EDNA leadership book & newsletter | Host of My Great Aunt EDNA Podcast | Named 10 Most Influential Black Corporate Leaders to Watch in 2023 by CIO Views Magazine
Emotional Quotient (EQ), or Emotional Intelligence for the everyday usage, is formally defined as the ability to understand, use, and manage your emotions in positive ways. It has been a very hot topic in leadership circles for the last decade, or so. Although the definition specifically calls out one's own understanding of one's own emotions, the definition has evolved to include a leader's ability to understand the individual and aggregate emotions of their team, in real-time, to drive organizational success.
Leaders naturally desire all of their team members to be happy while performing tasks and to be happy about the overall vision of the organization. This is not a realistic expectation to have the entire team happy, but it is one that is discussed in senior leadership meetings. "How can we communicate the vision of the organization in a manner in which it is positively adopted by the team?" "How can we change the culture of our organization to one that makes the team happy to come to work everyday?"
Sadly, the American culture in particular, has become one ingrained in cynicism, doubt, and unhappiness. Don't believe me? I challenge you to ask 10 people about the first three daily tasks they perform everyday. For many, one of those tasks include looking at their phones for messages and social media posts that have already been influenced by algorithms that display messages they really only want to see in the first place. Or, they watch or read news, which is no longer an honest and objective method for obtaining information. Most people are unhappy before they even login into their computers or leave their homes for work.
My blood type is B+, and I have always considered that a sign from God that being positive is my natural disposition I operate in most days. However, being happy around unhappy people can cause conflict. And in leadership, being happy can seem superficial, unnatural, and a bit suspect to many.
So, am I offering a solution that a leader should be unhappy? Of course not! Absolutely not! I am not offering a solution at all. In fact, the purpose of this communication is simply to remind leaders that as you dive into your emotional intelligence bag to create strategies to move your teams forward, do so with the understanding that some people are just happy being unhappy, and there is not much you can do to change their disposition.
The ability to lead multiple personality types and behavioral dispositions is usually the hardest challenge for new leaders, and also the reason why some choose to avoid leadership by any means necessary. Excellence requires a cohesive unit moving in the same direction, but contrary to popular belief, not all of the individual pieces of the unit need to be happy about the direction the team is moving. One can be unhappy, yet effective, and as leaders, we should be happy about that.
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