Happiness: Having few wants

Happiness: Having few wants

Over the last 25 years, I have researched the topic of happiness and well-being in the context of emotional intelligence. In the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQi) happiness is the relationship among self-regard, optimism, interpersonal relationships, and self-actualization. It is not the average, but it is the relationship among the 4 variables. In the relationship among these four variables, a well-being or happiness score is assigned. Happiness is how the four EQ variables unfold in one’s life.

Reflecting on my younger days, I remember my father telling me happiness is a mindset. He stated the most contented person is one who expects and needs the least. He said a person could be happy or content with only a roof over his/her head and enough food to eat. Everything else is extra to be thankful for. He later added, hopefully the roof doesn’t leak. If this is your mindset as to what contentment is I would say that happiness is a mental state.

Now, as I am writing this it seems my dad used happiness and contentment interchangeably. However, there is a difference between the two. Happiness is temporary. It is often related to a specific event. It is intense. Contentment is long-term. It is a state of being. It is a calmness. Here is an example, let’s say I just got fired, I am broke, and I am having relationship issues. I am feeling miserable and hopeless. To cheer me up, a friend who knows I enjoy fishing invites me to go fishing with him. On the lake, the fish are biting like crazy. At this moment I am experiencing happiness. I am thrilled. However, on the ride back home I return to wallowing in my misery. As I think of my situation I don’t feel happy or contented.

So, let’s say you already have a roof over your head and enough food to eat, but you feel what you have is inadequate. Instead of a 3-bedroom house with a 2-car garage, you want a five-bedroom house with a 5-car garage. The distance between what you have and what you want is where the discontent arises. The result is an unhappy state.

The same principle applies to the car you have, the clothes you wear, etc. The disconnect between what you have and what you want is what gives rise to our misery index. As a result, people who appear to have a lot can still feel miserable and not content.

The Stoic quotations capture the essence of having peace of mind, “Contentment comes not so much from great wealth as from few wants.” and “Fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress you will have over your own life.” Another quotation that captures the essence of contentment being a mindset reads, “Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.”

So, how does one go about developing a healthy mindset? On can take up meditation or embrace detachment. Religions and practices where this is a focal point are Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Taoism, and Bahá?í Faith.

If that is not your cup of tea you can take an EQ assessment and get some clear direction as to what needs to be worked on. The EQi assessment I use with students and clients is the EQi. This is a comprehensive tool that looks at emotional wellbeing, self-awareness, self-management, and happiness. If interested, feel free to contact me.

Dr. Raj Beekie is an associate professor in the DBA department at Saint Mary’s University, MN.

Whether one agrees or disagrees with the thoughts and ideas expressed, he hopes they provide a broader foundation for discussion. Dr. Beekie received his bachelor’s degree in business administration and organizational communication from Concordia College, Moorhead, MN, master's degree in Intercultural Communication from North Dakota State University, Fargo, ND, and a doctorate in Organization Development from the University of St. Thomas, Minneapolis, MN.

Dr. Beekie also consults in leadership development, diversity, emotional intelligence, and effective communication. To offer your feedback, he can be reached at [email protected]