Be a Happiness Guide: A Leaders Guide to Positive Communication

In this lesson we will learn:

·????????How positive communicators use information, knowledge, and experience to guide themselves and others to satisfaction.

·????????Why it’s so easy to make tragic communication mistakes and

·????????The best strategy for developing a positive communication environment

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Click HERE to see the video that goes along with this article >>> https://youtu.be/ZFhgGvsoke4

Brads story

Brad, a father of 12-year-old twins Sarah and Connor and 17-year husband of wife Janelle lived in a 4-bedroom single-family home in Mclean. Brad is a successful graduate of George Mason and is the CEO of his own engineering consulting company in Tysons Corner.

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Problem

Right after Brad’s annual company meeting where he announced five new lucrative contracts that his team had successfully bid on and won, three of his key project managers announced that they were leaving to go start their own company, two of whom had been with him since he started the company 15 years ago.

The real problem for Brad is that he was contractually obliged to fulfill his contracts and the people that he’d committed to each of the projects were leaving. There was no one to backfill as project team leads and even if he could train a few junior leaders in the short run, he’d have to hire tons more staff none of which he had the time or resources to accomplish.

If Jack didn’t resolve this problem he would be in breach of contract, he’d have to declare bankruptcy and possibly fire 27 of his people. The impact on his family would be devastating as both of his children were in private school and they bought their house with a jumbo loan at the top of the real estate market which was now in a deep decline.

With very few options that he or his advisors could see, my team was called in to offer suggestions and possible solutions. We quickly saw the chaos and confusion that Brad’s haphazard toxic communication style had been causing the company smaller challenges for many years and he wasn’t even aware of it! No one ever told him that they hated most of his ideas and that they were tolerating them because they felt like they had to for their own families even if their well-being suffered. And, just as they were about to experience break-out success people who had known Brad from college couldn’t take it anymore and were jumping ship. We also found out that the plan was to take at least half of Brad’s staff with them and probably the contracts that they’d just won!

Dostoevsky reminds us that the result of miscommunication is often a feeling of overwhelm and incomprehension. What leaders need to know here is when you take the stage, you have to take it and own the entire communication. Rarely do we intentionally mislead or misinform one another, still, it happens quite often accidentally. People become easily devastated and even emotionally hijacked when even the right people say the wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong way. It’s almost as if throughout the day, evil spirits are waiting in the queue to try and crush you with one more stupid task, or assignment. They seem to look forward to delivering a joke at your expense or sharing problems for which there is no immediate resolution, and they live for the moment you feel humiliated. The best of us can be crushed without a word being said to us because there are perfectly timed gestures or looks that say it all. “You must be some kind of idiot, or who asked this nut job to come along?” could easily be written on a coworker's face during a presentation or while executing tasks. Once the damage is done, precious resources have to be expended to repair it, and even then, the tumor may have metastasized into inoperable places all we can do then is pray for a miracle. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

What would happen if we were intentionally determined to delight and show our adoration for one another? How would we approach our communication strategy with our clients, prospects, referral sources, and stakeholders? Wouldn’t we do all that we can to make them feel warm and welcome? Wouldn’t we show them the reverence and respect that they deserve? I like to approach every person as if the creator of the Universe was not only watching but speaking and listening through me. Once you get into the habit of receiving others in this way, you can make room for the magic to happen.

Christians generally believe that we should worship God in all things, but Corinthians offers some very interesting wisdom in that what you do to your body, you do to God. Because you have been joined with him in spirit, you are one. Therefore, in your pursuit of well-being, you should seek to glorify him from within and throughout every system of your heart, body, mind, and soul because wherever you are so is he. There is nothing that you think or do that is not felt or noticed by him. You are less likely to make mistakes if you see diet, exercise, and meditation as a form of reverence and adoration of a positive loving indwelling spirit that is connected and cares for you.?When you speak to others with this in mind you will do so with care and reverence recognizing that same spirit within all of us. It’s all of our responsibility to help each other represent the deity that dwells within us all.

We get paid the best dividends when we help each other in this way. Leaders should recognize that how we live our lives is a constant daily spiritual practice wherein we regularly interact with others and the spirit within. These spiritual connections grow best when we are intentional and look out for the health and well-being of everyone that we touch. So, it’s of vital importance to model righteous deeds in thought, speech, and action, for in this God will be pleased constantly, and bless us with the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit which are: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. According to Saint Thomas Aquinas, each of these gifts corresponds to the 7 virtues: charity, faith, prudence, courage, hope, and justice. What do you think would happen if we all practiced these virtues? Remember, you, are God’s holy temple, and he will decimate those that desecrate it!

When we deal with selfish unjust people all of the time and it’s easy to spot bad communication practices. Have you ever been trapped in a room with someone that obviously enjoys hearing the sound of their own voice a bit too much for your liking? These word-regurgitationists, I like to call them, tend to suck the air out of the room as they drone on about anything and everything that comes to the top of their brain. They are usually oblivious to the fact that their rantings are causing others to feel angry, if not also, a little suppressed and intimidated. This is a huge problem because we suffer whenever we feel that way we cannot be at our best. That’s right folks! The innovation and creativity that can make a great moment even greater go right out the door when we feel stifled or bottled up. Any communication strategy that leaves people feeling confused, perplexed, or even worse panicked, is a major issue. The more we do to stay clear and refrain from passing on fear, blame, and shame the better.

We cannot tolerate repression of any kind, even under the illusion of self-control! When we swallow our words, we choke back our feelings and open the door to all types of misery including depression and anxiety and because we often don’t have the language to fully express the profound nature of our discontentment or confusion, we tend to fallback or disengage at exactly the wrong times. As it turns out, artistic expression has always been a meaningful form of communication to help us understand and then process our feelings correctly, and the beautiful thing about art therapy is that it works even when we aren’t super creative. Sometimes just observing or listening works miracles to help us tolerate and accept even the least acceptable people.

So how do leaders become less of a problem and more of a solution here? Well obviously, they need to talk less and listen more, but we should also be sure to create a team environment where everyone feels empowered to be and explore creativity and is less constrained. Let them have scheduled breaks to do whatever they need to do, within reason obviously, to blow off steam or put down the stress of the day (and yes dancing and singing must be among the options!). When people know that they can be candid and open, with the ideas and concepts that matter to them, they can stand up for themselves and shut down the idea hogs making team communication more effective and collaborative.

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Brad’s solution

We successfully negotiated a few key peace talks with Brad and his team leaders. The outcome was that Brad would learn to be a more effective communicator and a few of his former executives would now become partners. Brad was able to double his salary, spend more time with his family and develop a highly successful team that is still growing and winning new business.

All of this means that leaders must have a communication style that centers around well-being. They must consciously think about and share information and ideas that improve and maintain the overall health and wellness of their teams. The other thing that leaders have to do well is to learn and transfer the proper techniques to leverage information. Starting with clear and effective communication strategies which can then be leveraged into the knowledge needed to gain experience which in turn can be leveraged to provide an insight that can then be leveraged to generate pleasure and satisfaction.?As illustrated above, this is the most direct path to turn information into satisfaction and it’s positive communication that makes it all work! Whenever there is a breakdown in the system the result is usually some form of frustration and/or discontent.

Exercises to deliver and receive clarity for positive communicators

1.??????Remember clarity helps to understand and answer the questions, “what is meaningful and relevant, here?” When you are communicating be careful to answer the who, what, when, where, why, and how questions. And, the same is true when you are on the receiving end. You are looking for these same answers. Whenever I read a complicated article or research report, after every paragraph, I write down the salient points of that passage using the Cornell Method , and then I quickly attempt to teach what I’ve learned to others.

2.??????What could you do to better show others that you’ve embraced each of the 7 virtues? What slight adjustments can you make in each area? Write down your thoughts and then take active measures to study and share with your trusted network.

3.??????Take a deep penetrating look at your key employees, if you have them, your stakeholders, referral sources, and clients, and don’t stop until you find something that completely delights you about them. You can use TrueVOICE? for this. Take note of the miracle that you see in them and share it with them. They should be delighted by the specificity of your insight and inspired to use their talents even more. You may also want to collaborate with them to expose their talent to the world ??!!

Here's an amazing video that elaborates on all of the info in the article!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFhgGvsoke4