Happiness is a fleeting moment. Try contentment instead

As a psychotherapist, people come to me because they are not happy with a particular aspect of their lives. If they only knew that happiness is a fleeting moment, I would be out of business.

Working hard is what gets you to a place of contentment -- and that is a much better goal. Life has its peaks and valleys and that's what makes it interesting. If we got up every morning and knew what to expect we would lose the incentive to get up. When you do have that low point in your life, only then can you achieve the high point.

It is not what we do, but what we don't do that gives us regrets. Failure is just a path to getting to our goals. Those who have been the most motivated and resilient are the people who get back up after falling. If you maintain the essence of who you are, you will continue to be true to yourself at every stage of your life. As you get older you become the authority and you realize a lot of your mistakes were because you listened to other people instead of your own internal voice.

It is far worse to live by other people's mistakes than your own.

The fear of failure is what prevents people from succeeding. You can be your own worst critic. Wanting to please - a more female than male inclination - is something we were raised to do. We aimed for the approval of our parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures. But this doesn't make leaders. By the time we are thrust into the world and told to stand out we have had a lifetime of trying to fit in. History is made by the rule breakers - Steve Jobs and Richard Branson come to mind.

Questioning traditional wisdom, being defiant and breaking the rules are more determining factors for signs of future success. When my son Josh was in kindergarten his teacher said he asks too many questions. My other son Jaret was told he was too stubborn and the teacher would yell at him. Today I delight in Josh's questions (that I must admit I often can't answer!) because they make me look closer at the world around me. Jaret is a creative thinker, excels in school and is self motivated. Were these initial comments constructive? The sad truth is that in school they had no choice. As a parent I trusted their intuition and hopefully they will remain true to themselves.

In a world increasingly documented - and critiqued - online, it is often hard to find your own voice. We often focus on what's wrong and what we don't have versus what's going well. As Oprah recommends, we should show gratitude. Stop right now and think of 5 things you are grateful for. Here's my list -

1) Health

2) Family

3) My Career

4) Friends

5) Proving people wrong!

As adults we rarely have the benefit of someone reassuring us that it will all be okay. We don't have parents who remind us we are special and loved. But there are people who never had these benefits - only to hear those voices long after they've passed in therapy.