Happiness can take time and effort. (2020).

UPDATE NOTE 18/04/2022: It has been over 18 months since I wrote this and it was posted on Yipiyap’s webpage (now since taken down along with lots of other website changes!) A lot has changed since I wrote this: I have a different job, I live in a different place, and I train at different gyms now (BJJ/MMA at ASW Manchester and Thai Boxing at Tricia’s gym in Altrincham - message me if you want to check either out!) I am also much better at the piano and I am now learning guitar too!

However, after reading back through this, it is clear that the fundamentals of maintaining my health and well-being have not changed. I still prioritise meditation, exercise, journaling, sleep, diet and creative outlets. I still sometimes have lower periods but by prioritising the above and keeping consistent routines I have maintained a strong arsenal of skills that are highly effective as coping strategies for any difficulties that come my way.

My only other advice to add to this is that sometimes you can have all the best routines and habits in the world but there may be times when even this is not enough and you feel yourself sliding.? In these circumstances, speak out and get support. Tell your friends, your family, your manager, your doctor - speak to someone. If it leads to you getting help then don’t be afraid of support from doctors or therapists - they help people in similar situations every single week.

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12/10/2020

If you were to trawl through quotes on happiness on the internet you would find a vast swathe all stating:

‘Happiness is a choice.’

The gist being that if you want to be happy, you will be happy.

Simple, right? Well, not really no.

Whilst I agree with this to an extent; I think anyone who has had depression, anxiety, PTSD, other conditions or even just a bad day will agree that simply choosing to be happy does not always seem possible. Lori Deschane (owner of tinybuddha.com ) recognises this and offers an alternative quote:

‘Happiness takes lots of choices that are sometimes difficult to make.’

This alternative quote – which I much prefer – implies that happiness does not always just occur out of nowhere but that it takes time and effort to cultivate. It will differ from person to person but sometimes happiness can boil down to a series of self-care habits and actions you need to do regularly over a period of time. Unfortunately, nobody ever told me that sometimes you have to consciously try to be happy and this can require actual work and effort. If you did tell a younger me, I would have thought you were absurd and I would have boldly claimed that I didn’t need to put any effort into my well-being as my happiness was infallible.

Surprisingly, the teenage me who knew everything about everything was wrong.

Throughout college and university, I suffered recurring bouts of depression. This was not the stereotypical depression where you are bed-bound and could not leave the house (although I did find it extremely difficult to get up in the morning). If you were to see me, you would likely have no idea that I was very unhappy inside. I was still as smiley and loud as ever but years of not looking after my mental or physical health, partying too much and having increasing workloads began to take a huge toll on me and my mental health soon began spiralling out of control.

In a bid to sort my mental health out, I plucked up the courage to try counselling and anti-depressants. This was not a permanent fix, nor did the counsellor claim it to be… but it helped me get to the stage where I was more able to help myself (if you are struggling with mental health – please always seek professional help!) The therapy helped me realise that without significant change to my lifestyle, I would very quickly slip back into depression time and time again. So, after years of taking happiness for granted and wondering why it was sometimes so elusive, I was finally resolved to begin working at it daily and I began a long process of discovering what my own personal happiness routine was.

I started with meditation and over time I added various other things to my life (I have listed these below this paragraph). As I put more time and effort into my mental well-being, I began to see more and more benefits. As of October 2020, my Monday – Friday routine currently consists of waking up at 6am, 20 minutes of yoga, 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of piano, breakfast and shower. Then I will go to work at Yipiyap’s office and after this, I usually go to a boxing class or do a run. In the evening I watch tv and then read before bed (aiming to be asleep by 10pm!)

This might sound like a lot of stuff to fit in if you don’t have a routine already but I want to say I definitely did not start like this! At first, I only added meditation to my day and that was enough to begin changing my mood for the better, the other things have been added in as I became increasingly motivated. To help me get up at 6 am, I use a Philips SAD alarm clock… it begins lighting up half an hour before wake-up time and it gets brighter and brighter in order to mimic a sunrise – I think it’s a fantastic invention as I wake up feeling more refreshed than a basic alarm clock. I don’t follow a strict routine at the weekend but I still try to meditate and exercise each day! If you are struggling with creating daily routines and sticking with them, a ‘habit tracker’ can be extremely helpful. I would suggest looking at James Clear’s website and book called ‘Atomic Habits’ – this has great advice for building successful routines into your life.

Below is a description of all the habits that I believe contribute to my well-being and why I think they help me:

Meditation

Probably the most effective for me out of all these habits; I came across meditation at university within the Mental Health Awareness Society where I attended a mindfulness class each week. I now use the Headspace app daily (I have nearly done 100 hours of meditation over 2020 so far) and can honestly say it has changed my life! Meditation teaches you that most people are constantly thinking about either the past or future and that you spend a majority of your time unaware of the present. Meditating forces you to confront this and soon you start to become more aware of yourself. It helps you recognise your thought patterns (including negative ones) and why these are not always accurate. You also begin to recognise that emotions and moods are only temporary, not a true indication of you and this helps me if am feeling angry or sad. Meditation helps me remain calmer and happier. It also helps me to sleep better and be more energetic. I have to say it’s definitely not a quick fix, you will probably find the first few times meditating you just feel silly and obsess about not being able to ‘clear your mind’ (which isn’t the point of it anyway) – but if you stick with it I guarantee you will see many benefits! (There has to be a reason people have been doing it for thousands of years; it works!)

I now meditate for 20 minutes every morning using Headspace but honestly, 5 minutes a day is enough to see positives after a week or two and that is how I started.

Reducing alcohol intake

‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ is a famous proverb but, ‘All play makes Jack a dull boy’ seems equally valid! I became increasingly aware of just how much I was going out and socialising. It became clear to me that this was negatively affecting my mental health. I began to limit the amount I was going to pubs and bars at the weekend and this had an immediate impact on my well-being. I found that not drinking each weekend left me feeling much happier and more motivated to make positive changes in my life. I have continued this in my social life switching between periods of complete abstinence and periods of reduced-intake. I find this really improves all areas of my life!

Exercise (Boxing, Yoga and Running)

After I started daily meditation and I worked on my general health, I found I had an increased motivation to exercise more. I had played sports in the past but it is only over the last year that I have recognised the massive effect exercise can have on your well-being. It does not happen right away though; you have to work at it! January 2020 I could barely run a mile and I hated it. I made a pact however to do 3 runs a week and quickly I started getting better and I started enjoying it too! As my fitness has gotten better, I have started boxing again (Nowhere2Hyde gym in Manchester!). This has been a fantastic release for me and I now try to box and run three or four times every week – in particular I do really love sparring with other people as I find it is a rush. Over the last three months, I have also begun doing yoga which is a blend of meditation and exercise for me. I now do yoga every morning at 6 am and no matter how tired or grumpy I am in the morning… I roll out of bed onto my yoga mat and ten minutes later I am feeling much more awake! Although I am very much a yoga novice it makes me calmer and happier (and has also greatly benefitted my boxing and running by allowing my muscles to recover quicker!)

A creative hobby (in my case, piano)

Whether it's painting, building, cooking, singing or playing piano like me, I genuinely think having a daily creative hobby can really help you in being happy. I have been self-learning piano over the past ten months now and although I am still pretty rubbish, I absolutely love taking the time to learn songs every day. It helps me forget about any other stressors in my day! I try to play for at least 20 minutes every morning but sometimes I do it in the evening as well. I use an app on my phone called Simply Piano which plugs into my digital piano, shows notes on the screen and tells you if you are hitting the correct ones!

Journalling

More recently I have failed to keep this up (which is okay, no one expects you to maintain everything all the time!) but it has been a huge help to me at certain points. Writing down your thoughts can have a really therapeutic effect on your mood. If you are really stressed/angry/upset about something, have a go at writing it down – you might be surprised! I used ‘Mind Journal’ as it gives lots of prompts and questions to help those who don’t often journal.

Diet and sleep

It has been written a massive amount of times before but diet and sleep can also have a huge effect on your well-being. Forcing myself to try and sleep every day at 10pm and get up at 6am was not easy at first but eventually, my body got used to it. This got easier when I exercised more, stopped watching tv just before bed, scrolling on my phone in my bed and made sure I was in bed by 9.30 where I would do some reading and maybe a 5-minute meditation. I now sleep much better than I used to! Eating healthily is also hugely important – although I will hold my hands up and say I cheat at this – I currently use a meal prep service that delivers fresh meals each day! So, I definitely can’t give any advice regarding cooking healthily but try to get a balanced diet in however you can.

***

The above habits/choices are by no means a perfect fool-proof guide to being happy but they definitely help me daily. Doing all of this ensures I am active, productive, healthy and helps me be more aware of my emotions. Occasionally I still feel a little bit down but I am a lot faster at recognising it and I know that meditating, piano, yoga etc can really help me get out of a slump. If it was to get worse, I would have no hesitations about talking to a friend or getting counselling again!

Every person’s perfect routine will be different but if it is something you have never thought about before or if you haven’t been feeling 100% lately, I would highly recommend looking at how your daily choices might be affecting your well-being.

You might find the results to be life-changing… I know I did.