Happier Divorce, Happier Life: How Your Family Law Attorney Can Help Facilitate An Amicable Divorce

For most, divorce is an emotionally trying time. Beyond the stress of the legal process itself, the pent-up emotions that brought the couple to this breaking point may seem overwhelming. Admittedly, for some, divorce is a relief, as they are finally free from a failed marriage. But for many, the entire process is challenging, to say the least. These difficulties are only compounded when the divorce becomes contentious.?

However, divorce does not have to be contentious. It is possible to have an amicable dissolution of a marriage, but as the saying goes, it does take two to tango. An amicable divorce starts with the spouses but must also include the attorneys. Some attorneys are pedal-to-the-metal in their approach and will clash with opposing counsel as a matter of course. Being represented by an attorney who prefers a more confrontational approach will make it nearly impossible to have things go amicably.?

There are also instances where both spouses initially express an interest in having an amicable divorce process, but one party still insists that everything be done “their” way. Now, it is true that amicable does not mean both sides have to agree on everything, but it does mean they need to treat each other with respect. Sending pointed, demanding, or outright hostile emails, texts, or letters does not set the tone for an amicable proceeding.?

The Guiding Role of an Attorney

When spouses enter into the legal process for divorce, they are often in a fugue state, making it difficult to fully grasp all that is going on. For this reason, reasonable attorneys will patiently guide them through the process, providing a basic 101 education on divorce. In many cases, the attorneys will have to repeat the key steps, as many clients struggle to retain this information due to their heightened emotional state. Setting everyone’s expectations for what comes next is a vital role of the attorney. By constantly educating clients, attorneys can help them make better-informed decisions.?

One option that attorneys can present, assuming both parties are looking to find amicable ways to settle matters, is mediation. Mediation can be utilized at the outset of the divorce process or closer to the end. Either way, it requires a certain level of trust from both sides. Attorneys are usually best positioned to assess their client's willingness to mediate. Sometimes, medication works, and sometimes, it does not. A reasonable attorney will know when to pivot and try another approach.?

Complexity Does Not Always Lead to Conflict

Some might assume that complex divorce cases inevitably lead to conflict and contentious battles. Of course, they can. But that is not automatically the case. Just because a complicated set of assets and liabilities is involved, potentially resulting in tax ramifications and a lack of liquidity, does not mean the parties and the attorneys cannot work together to find a mutually acceptable solution.?

When highly complex tax and valuation issues are involved, both sides can work together amicably to devise a plan to evaluate the assets and divide them. In my many years of experience in family law, the areas that almost always become the most contentious for divorce are those involving domestic violence or addiction or when one spouse decides to move out of state or the country.?

Collaborative Divorce is Another Viable Option?

Collaborative divorce is another option for parties seeking a more amicable outcome. In this process, both parties and their lawyers sign a contract that says if they cannot settle all matters through negotiation or mediation and thus wish to go to court, they must hire new legal counsel to represent them. This agreement creates a strong financial incentive to fulfill the collaborative divorce contract because to do otherwise means hiring a whole new set of attorneys, which becomes expensive.

It is essential to note that collaborative divorce still requires due diligence on both sides and a strong commitment to working together. At the outset of a case, I will introduce this option to my client to gauge their interest. If they are open to it, I will contact the other side to see if they feel the same way. Needless to say, collaborative divorce requires that all participants be equally committed to reaching an equitable settlement.??

Divorce is an emotionally difficult time for everyone involved. However, when both sides can engage amicably, it becomes possible to make this trying time less traumatizing for the spouses and, even more importantly, the children. There are also ways to handle having a child testify, including but not limited to having the child testify in chambers without the parents or their attorneys present, with the parents and counsel present, or in the courtroom, etc. The pros and cons of each would require a deep dive discussion, so please consult with your counsel.

The bottom line is that the less contentious the divorce and the quicker the parties can resolve outstanding issues, the faster everyone can get on with their lives.?

Please note: The content and views expressed here are my own and do not reflect or represent the positions, strategies, views, or opinions of Blank Rome LLP.