Handling Rejection

I learned so much, so very much about myself in defeat. I've learned very little to nothing in victory. ~Floyd Patterson

In a job search (and in life generally), “rejection” can have a big impact. Not only does the experience of being turned down create all kinds of emotional turmoil, but even the anticipation of rejection can provoke a variety of feelings and behaviors. Most of these responses are quite reasonable and lots of different life experiences contribute to them. But there can be a different way of thinking about rejection.  Here are some ideas for dealing with rejection and putting it in its rightful place. 

1. There is important information to learn. A rejection is an opportunity to learn something about yourself as a candidate. You could learn more about where you fit/don’t fit, and why. You might learn that you need additional experience to make yourself more appealing for a particular type of position. You might learn that you need more interview practice to polish your stories, prepare for challenging questions, and even present yourself better online. You may find that your salary expectations are off. But you won’t get this information unless you get out there and get turned down.
2. It’s an essential part of the process of finding good work. If you never get any rejections, then you probably aren’t stretching yourself out of your comfort zone. You have to test the waters in order to discover that some of them are not right for you. Clients often share that, in retrospect, rejections turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to them – either preventing them from going down the wrong path or helping them steer in the right direction.
3. We all need to build up our resilience. Unless we’re really lucky, or overly cautious, failure will happen. We will make mistakes on the job. We will mess things up in our personal lives. Life will throw us curve balls (hello, 2020!). Our ultimate success depends to a great extent on how we rebound from these failures. One children’s book author racked up 40 rejections before she had her first book published. Talk about resilience! 
4. Remember that much of the time, it’s not about you. If an employer turns you down, the reason may have nothing to do with you personally. There may have been an internal candidate or a referral from an executive. The job may have been put on hold or even cut. They may have been looking for someone with a very specific degree, or an alum from a particular college, or someone with experience at a particular company. Frankly, there are a myriad of reasons why you may not get the job; don’t assume it’s because you aren’t good enough. Rejection is not a reflection of your self-worth. 

Especially now that the pandemic has roiled the job market, many job seekers will have to contend with some rejection. Let’s not do everything we can to avoid it and push it out of our lives. It has a role to play, but as part of the supporting cast, not the lead actor.  

This article was co-written with Jeanne Knight, Career Coach and Resume Expert, with whom I frequently collaborate on career strategies and challenges.?