Handling Difficult Workplace Conversations: 7 Tips

Before we begin here, I have some exciting news to share with you. I'm going to be in?London?from?May 6th through May 13th.

If you're interested in scheduling time with me while I'm in London for a talent strategy session or if you'd like to meet to discuss how we might work together in an advisory or coaching capacity, let's get a date on the calendar .

Of course, feel free to send along any restaurant recommendations you may have!

Now, onto this week's newsletter, which originally appeared in Red Hat's The Enterprisers Project.

I was speaking with a client the other day who was sweating bullets at the mere thought of having a difficult conversation with someone on his team. My guess is, that many of you can relate.

Does the mere thought of addressing a challenging work situation with one of your employees fill you with anxiety and distract you from other work? If so, you’re not alone.?

According to workplace resource startup Bravely, a whopping?70 percent of employees ?are avoiding difficult conversations with their boss, colleagues, and direct reports.?

That just blows my mind!

Whether it’s due to the fear of retaliation, a negative effect on the relationship, or a lack of training, an overwhelming amount of people are avoiding tough conversations, and the result isn’t pretty.?

If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with a co-worker, you may be able to get away with this. However, avoiding these kinds of conversations with your boss or a team member could come back to bite you.

Here are 7 action-oriented tips for handling difficult conversations at work:

Tip Number One: Get Clear on Your Objective(s).?The first step in addressing any difficult work conversation is clarity around what you’d like to achieve as a result of this conversation.?

For example, let’s say you need to have a conversation with an employee whose performance is subpar. Are you having that conversation because you want to help them improve their performance, or are you going through the steps so you can transition them out of the organization? Those two scenarios are two very different conversations, so it’s essential to get clear on what you want to happen at the end of this conversation before getting started.

Tip Number Two: Organize Your Thoughts.?Most people who enter difficult conversations without a clear roadmap wind up doing more damage than good. Leaders blurt out things they quickly regret saying, or they find themselves going in circles without an exit plan.

In my book,?Can We Talk, Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work , I discuss the need to go into these types of conversations with a well-thought-out outline. I also recommend taking your notes into the meeting to help keep you on course.

Tip Number Three: Practice Your Lines.?How you say something is equally as important as what you say, especially if you’re in senior leadership. The higher up you go in the organization, the higher the expectations are regarding your performance.

Take a few moments and practice your opening lines before a mirror. Or, if you’re fortunate enough to have a trusted peer or a coach, ask them to role play with you until you’re comfortable saying what needs to be said.

Tip Number Four: Listen Deeply.?Most people are so keen on getting a difficult conversation over with that they charge through the exchange. They miss a big opportunity to build a solid relationship with the other person when doing so.

If you slow down the conversation and listen deeply to what the other party has to say, you’ll stand a much better chance of moving forward together rather than moving further apart.

Tip Number Five: Get a Date on the Calendar.?The quickest way to stop avoiding a difficult conversation at work is to schedule a date for your meeting. With today’s technology, it’s simple to book an appointment.?

The clock starts to tick the moment a get-together is booked on the calendar, which is exactly what is needed to catapult procrastinators into action.

Tip Number Six: Expect the Unexpected.?I’ve coached enough leaders on handling challenging work conversations to know that things don’t always go as planned.

An employee may break down in tears while describing a personal matter that you were not aware of. Or a distraught team member may get up in the middle of the meeting and leave. These things happen, which is why it’s essential to plan for the unexpected. Be prepared to pause and reschedule a difficult conversation, as time for both parties to collect themselves may be what’s needed.

Tip Number Seven: Ending the Conversation on the Right Foot.?Before closing out the conversation, it’s always good to confirm the other person’s understanding. Asking someone to tell you their knowledge of what just transpired can be very helpful.?

If you’re telling them that they need to be more of a team player and they think you’re talking about improving their tennis game, you’re on different courts. At that point, you can say, “Okay, I probably wasn’t clear enough; let me be specific and tell you exactly what I need you to do.

Difficult work conversations are here to stay. The sooner you get comfortable with these uncomfortable conversations, the more confident you'll feel as a leader.

Got a question about how to apply these practices to your organization? Feel free to?schedule a call ?with me.

?Best,

Roberta