HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

This article is based on a chapter in my book, Deep Satisfaction in Life & Artist Management. While it's focus is the music industry, in my experience these ideas apply to us all.

The music industry has a reputation for having some challenging characters in it. They may be hard to connect with, or there may be difficulties to overcome in the working relationship. Here’s a practical five-step process to handle these situations:

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It’s always challenging working with difficult people, and this framework follows the GROW coaching process. Let’s take a look:

1.?????? Contract: ‘Can we get together to discuss our working relationship?’ Frankly, if the other person isn’t going to engage at this point, there is no point proceeding. For this process to work, you need an agreement that they are willing to have an open and honest discussion. In terms of GROW, this is the GOAL.

2.?????? Empathy: The trick here is that you start with empathy to describe the current situation. In terms of GROW, this is the REALITY

You might say something like, ‘Well, I can imagine that you’ve probably found me/us a bit inflexible, sometimes frustrating, maybe slow to respond’ (whatever the facts are). You are sharing what you imagine is their perspective of events to date.

They might then add, ‘Don’t forget; this, this, this and this.’

You nod your understanding and repeat everything you’ve already said and include what they’ve added, so they feel heard, understood, and received.

You then say to them, ‘Have I understood you fully?’ And when they say yes, you have the opportunity to say, ‘I’m glad I understand your perspective. What do you imagine it’s like from my viewpoint?’

They might say something like, ‘Well, I imagine you’ve found me a bit difficult to deal with too. I imagine X & Y, etc.’

Because you led and invited them to share some empathy, they’re often willing to come on the journey with you.

3.?????? Summarise: You’ve now got everything out in the open, with both sides sharing their understanding, which defuses tension and reconnects people. At this point, you can summarise. (I usually hold out my two upturned hands to demonstrate each side.) ‘So, on the one hand, I can see that, for you, dealing with us has been [summary of their points], and on the other hand, I’ve heard from you that you can see your part in this is was [your points].’

4.?????? Options: You can ask the Open question ‘How can we move forward, how can we meet our mutual goals?’ The critical thing here is to remain silent, as this puts a little pressure on the other person to come up with some ideas. You can then build on their answer to develop ideas together. In terms of GROW, this is the OPTIONS.

5.?????? Summarise again: . You summarise the discussion so far: ‘We’ve had a good discussion, I certainly understand your perspective. I think you’ve understood my perspective and believe we have generated some good ideas. As I understand it, our plan to move forward then is ABCDE.’ In terms of GROW, this is the ‘WILL’

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Think of a difficult relationship or one that has broken down, and imagine how might you use this framework to reconnect. How can you draw on your learning from this book to support you in succeeding and repairing the relationship? As you know, and I make no apologies for repeating this, I suggest you choose the easiest person in the least exposed situation to practice on – don’t choose the most challenging person/situation to work with first, as that does not support you to succeed.

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