Handling Difficult People in Leadership: A Practical Approach

Handling Difficult People in Leadership: A Practical Approach

In leadership, it's common to hear people say, "Yes, but..." when discussing theoretical concepts. They often acknowledge the theory but ask, "What about in this situation?" One frequent question is: how do you handle difficult people? This issue arises time and time again in leadership discussions. Leaders say, "I can follow best practices all day long, but a difficult person makes it challenging."

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that difficult people exist. The fantasy that everyone will always get along and behave as expected is a fantasy. In reality, leadership and management roles aim to help people pull together in one direction. If everyone worked seamlessly, leaders and managers wouldn't be needed. The frustration of dealing with difficult individuals is valid. Still, it's crucial to remember that your role often involves influencing and guiding these challenging personalities to add value to the task.

REFRAMING THE PROBLEM

The concept of "difficult people" is rooted in the idea that their existence is problematic. However, a more constructive approach is to reframe this as "a person I find difficult." This subtle shift changes the dynamic and opens up more options for resolution. When you label someone as a "difficult person," you place the problem within them, leaving you feeling powerless unless you accept the situation or remove them. However, acknowledging that you find someone difficult places the issue between you and the other person, providing more opportunities for resolution.

UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS

By saying, "I find this person difficult," you can explore the underlying reasons. This introspection allows you to:

1. Identify Personal Triggers: Understand what about the person or situation is triggering for you.
2. Recognise Behaviour Patterns: Determine what specific behaviours are causing difficulties.
3. Explore Unmet Needs: Consider what unmet needs the person might have, such as a need for recognition, control, or validation.

PRACTICAL STRATEGIES

1. Communicate Clearly: Instead of labelling someone as difficult, articulate the specific problematic behaviours. For example, if someone is always negative, you might say, "I notice you often reject new ideas. Can we discuss why this is happening?"
2. Engage in Dialogue: Discuss the challenging behaviours and explore ways to address them. This could involve asking the person to contribute ideas or considering their motivations and needs.
3. Set Clear Expectations: Make specific, reasonable requests for behavioural changes and follow up to ensure these changes are implemented. This creates accountability and provides measurable outcomes.

BULLYING VS. DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR

It's important to distinguish between difficult behaviour and bullying. Bullying involves repeated incidents that undermine your dignity. If you're experiencing bullying, it requires direct action and possibly external support. However, introspection and strategic engagement are more appropriate if you're dealing with challenging behaviour.

Handling difficult people is an integral part of leadership. You gain more control over the situation by shifting from viewing someone as a "difficult person" to understanding why you find them difficult. This approach enables you to address behaviours constructively, foster better relationships, and improve team dynamics. Please always consider your own role in the dynamic, and remember that follow-through is as important as initial action. For more exercises on managing difficult interactions, explore the resources available on our website.

Uncover effective strategies for managing difficult people in "Inclusive Leadership: Navigating Organisational Complexity." This book provides valuable insights into common leadership challenges, guiding you in handling difficult individuals by reframing your approach and understanding the deeper dynamics. Empower yourself to lead confidently, transforming obstacles into opportunities for growth and collaboration. For more insights, watch our videos on YouTube and listen to The Leadership Zone podcast.