Handling Arguments...

 

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In This Issue:

    Quotes of the Week

    Handling Arguments

    Bookmark - How to Think Bigger

    Inspirational Words

    Spiritual Centre

    Story Time

    Time to Smile

    Feedback

 

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"Change Gears" eZine is a no-cost electronic newsletter dedicated to helping people be more effective and fulfilled--to be masters of change instead of victims of change. What follows are tips, strategies, quotes, resources and shortcuts to getting more done in less time and having fun in the process--to living a more productive and fulfilling life. We're always on the lookout for information to help you live and work more effectively.

 

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Quotes of the Week

"They've made the mistake of thinking that power over others and leadership are the same thing." - Tim Tharp

"No matter how significant or life-changing your greatest hit or miss might be, neither even begins to define who you are. Each of us is a product of all our experiences and all our interactions with other people. To cite calculus, we are the area under the curve." - Colin Powell

"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it." - Albert Camus

"If any man despises me, that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving of contempt." - Marcus Aurelius

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Bookmark - How to Think Bigger: Aim Higher, Get More Motivated, and Accomplish Big Things

Author: Martin Meadows

Price: Rs. 887/- Paperback

Here are just some of the things you will learn from the book:

- What key things you need to inspire yourself to think bigger, and more importantly, achieve your big goals.

- Why you need a “why,” and what kind of motivators will set you up for success (hint: attaining money or status are some of the least motivating goals possible).

- The single most important thing to thinking bigger. If you don’t have it in your life, you will sabotage your efforts – guaranteed.

- What the chimp is and why you need to learn how to control it to get yourself motivated and work on your big goals. You can be making things hard for yourself without being aware of it.

- How to cultivate the art of strategic laziness to achieve more while doing much less than other people (why work so hard if you can get better results by being lazy?).

- The seven most important triggers of flow – a state of perfect focus where the magic happens.

- The secret of achieving the impossible is not really such a secret, but most people tend to forget about it and get overwhelmed by their goals.

I wrote this book to increase my motivation, teach myself how to think bigger and learn how to raise my standards. I hope the answer I found will help you as much as it has helped me.

You can also learn how to find motivation to become the best version of you.

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Handling Arguments

By Yvonne Levy

Let’s face it: Given enough time, arguments are an inevitable part of every single relationship – even the happiest ones.

We All Argue

It doesn’t matter how great your marriage relationship is or how happily married you are, it is practically guaranteed that, at some point, you and your spouse will argue over something.

There are perhaps as many things to argue about as there are stars in the universe. And just like the stars, some arguments can be small and dull, and others can be bigger and more… explosive.

One disclaimer before we continue:

There are some situations, such as those involving domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse, that without question require more attention and even professional help. We are not referring to such arguments and situations over here. We are referring exclusively to the common, everyday situations that may spark an argument in a healthy marriage, such as dealing with housework, finances, leisure time, intimacy, etc.

Handling Disagreements Productively

Having made clear that we are not referring to violent situations or extreme cases, here are 3 tips that you can apply next time you and your spouse start to bicker about something:

1. Ask yourself: “Is this really worth arguing over?”

For example – is it really crucial that your spouse places the dirty laundry inside the color-coded laundry hampers that you use to separate different laundry loads? Is it absolutely necessary that your spouse attends the parent-teacher meeting when you both know your child is doing great in school and you’ll only get positive feedback? Does the fact that your spouse spent an extra $5 on the brand-name product instead of the generic brand really make a major impact in the family budget?

The thing is… Sometimes arguing is far more trouble than it’s worth.

When you are facing this type of situation, try to solve it with a more calm, civilized approach: conversation.

Without raising your voice or getting angry over it, explain to your spouse why you dislike a particular behavior, action or situation. Sometimes your spouse simply doesn’t realize how important such thing is for you.

For example, instead of yelling out “you put your stupid red shirt in the white hamper again!” try the following: “When doing laundry I separate whites from colors to prevent clothes from getting ruined. It makes life a lot easier for me when you put your red shirt in the color hamper ‘cause I don’t have to spend extra time sorting it before loading the washer.”

2. Try the big “C”… For Compromise!

Back in the days when you were single, it was very likely that most, if not all, the time, you got to do things your way.

However, continuing this lifestyle once you have tied the knot can bring a lot of friction within the marriage, and, in extreme cases, even lead to divorce.

Part of the joy of marriage comes from sharing your life with your spouse. And unless you have married a clone of yourself (which would be terribly boring anyway,) this will very likely require mutual compromise in certain situations.

To avoid conflict, start by having a conversation with your spouse about the things that you each enjoy. And once you find out, don’t try to change them! Do not expect your sports-loving spouse to take you to the one-day shoe sale on the day of a big game. And don’t tell your spouse that the new Jennifer Aniston movie is stupid, cheesy and “not worth a trip to the big screen” when you know she loves romantic comedies.

The key here is for both of you to do the best to “meet in the middle” instead of dealing with the situation like cats and dogs. Maybe you can let your spouse watch the game while you go shoe shopping with your sister. Or maybe this time you’ll watch the romantic comedy at the movies and promise that the next time you’ll see an action flick that your spouse will enjoy. It’s as easy and simple as that.

3. When all else fails… Agree to disagree.

Sometimes arguments can lead to a dead end where there can’t be any compromise.

While in ideal circumstances you and your partner should do the best you can to resolve your differences in an argument, sometimes that can be a bit more complicated.

Maybe the reason for the argument has to do with your personal beliefs, the way you were brought up or certain ideology you strongly support… Which you don’t necessarily share with your spouse.

Take a moment and go back to Tip #1 and carefully assess if it is really worth arguing over such thing.

We all have our differences – it’s what makes each of us unique!

Remind yourself that your spouse is entitled to his or her own opinions and points of view, which not necessarily have to be exactly the same as yours.

These differences can take many shapes…

Maybe your spouse is a meat lover and you are a vegetarian.

Maybe you side with the Democrat ideals while your spouse is a registered Republican.

Maybe one of you loves to work on a Windows PC while the other won’t consider anything other than a Mac.

Whatever it is, remember that you married your spouse for the whole person that he or she is, along with everything that comes with it… There is much more to him or her than those beliefs or ideals which you may disagree on.

So, in case of an argument based on that, both of you simply have to “agree to disagree.”

And that’s it. It’s a perfectly accepted option and there will be no more arguing. No more trying to prove why your point of view is right and your spouse’s is wrong, mainly because there is no such thing.

Acknowledge your differences and give each other a hug and a kiss. End of argument.

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Inspirational Words

"Genius is eternal patience." - Michelangelo

"O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, / The courage to change what can be changed, / and the wisdom to know the one from the other." - Reinhold Niebuhr

"All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major anxiety of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership." - John Kenneth Galbraith

"An artist should never be a prisoner of himself, prisoner of style, prisoner of reputation, prisoner of success, etc." - Henri Matisse

"The most important discoveries will provide answers to questions that we do not yet know how to ask and will concern objects we have not yet imagined." - John N. Bahcall

"In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you." - Mortimer J. Adler

"Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint, "I have been harmed." Take away the complaint, "I have been harmed," and the harm is taken away." - Marcus Aurelius

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Spiritual Centre - Life's Race

Life is not one man's race. It is not a race where you start and you win or end. It is a permanent race, universal race, timeless race, like a relay race – four people running all around a course. The other four are waiting; as you come here, one gets ready and takes over the baton from your hand and runs the course, each generation handing over to the next generation. And until the last generation has run the last race and reached the target or the goal, we cannot say what humanity is going to achieve, what it has achieved or not achieved.

     

(C) Shri. Kamlesh D. Patel - President, Shri Ram Chandra Mission - https://www.sahajmarg.org

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Story Time - Tenali Raman and the Pundit

Once, a great pundit from a foreign land visited King Krishna Deva Raya’s court. He claimed that he had knowledge of all subjects and was an expert in every field. He challenged that he would argue with all of his wise ministers and defeat them. The king accepted his challenge. The pundit then proceeded to argue with the learned men of the kingdom on various subjects. The king’s ministers failed miserably. Then, the king summoned his wisest minister, Tenali Raman.

Tenali took a small bundle from his home, gave it the shape of a book and tied it up. Then, he went to the court and announced that he was ready to argue against the pundit but on the condition that the topic of their debate would be based on the great book ‘Thilakashta Mahisha Bandhanam.’ The great pundit was stumped when he heard this because he had never heard of any such book. He asked the king to give him one night’s time to prepare for the argument. He was sleepless all night. He could not bear the thought of losing so he took all his belongings and left the city before sunrise. He left a note for the king saying that he had never heard of the great book.

The next day, at the appointed time Tenali appeared in court for the debate. But he was informed that the pundit had already gone away. The king being a learned man wanted to read the great book that Tenali had mentioned, so he asked Tenali about it. Tenali laughed and replied that there was no such book called ‘Thilakashta Mahisha Bandhanam’. Inside the bundle, there was til which is called Thila in Sanskrit and some sheep dung which in Sanskrit is known as Kashta. These contents were tied by a rope made of buffalo’s hide which is called Mahisha. Bandhanam refers to ‘tying’ in Sanskrit.

This is how Tenali tricked the pundit into believing that there was a great book that the pundit was completely unaware of. The king appreciated Tenali’s intelligence and rewarded him.

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Time to Smile - Life is Like That

The Hard Worker...

Boss: "Working hard here, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Ever since I heard you coming down the stairs, boss!"

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