Handle Dominant, Narcissistic-Leaning Coworkers with Confidence

“I’m just sitting down to dinner and can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning.”

“I want to think o“I’m just sitting down to dinner and can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning.”

“I want to think of this very seriously. This started with asking Janice to speak at the event and I extended an offer to Daniel. We did not agree on the third speaker you are suggesting. Final Decision: Event for Janice and Daniel. I’ll say goodnight.”

These are actual replies to my texts on a subject for an HOA event I was helping plan.

Let’s dissect the first statement: “I’m just sitting down to dinner and can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning.”

I understand sitting down to dinner but the phrase, “can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning” left me out on a limb wondering when we could finish our discussion and resolve the issue versus her setting personal boundaries.

Now, let’s examine the second statement:

“I want to think of this very seriously. This started with asking Janice to speak at the event and I extended an offer to Daniel. We did not agree on the third speaker you are suggesting. Final Decision: Event for Janice and Daniel. I’ll say goodnight.”

I knew I was suggesting a third speaker but as I was not consulted on Daniel being asked to participate, I thought my suggestion to add a third speaker of my choosing was legitimate. But note how she ended the discussion. Her words, FINAL DECISION, though not in all caps, conveyed the same meaning especially when combined with “I’ll say goodnight.”

I was not given a chance to state my case.

Similar Conversations at Work?f this very seriously. This started with asking Janice to speak at the event and I extended an offer to Daniel. We did not agree on the third speaker you are suggesting. Final Decision: Event for Janice and Daniel. I’ll say goodnight.”

These are actual replies to my texts on a subject for an HOA event I was helping plan.

Let’s dissect the first statement: “I’m just sitting down to dinner and can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning.”

I understand sitting down to dinner but the phrase, “can speak perhaps at 9:00 tomorrow morning” left me out on a limb wondering when we could finish our discussion and resolve the issue versus her setting personal boundaries.

Now, let’s examine the second statement:

“I want to think of this very seriously. This started with asking Janice to speak at the event and I extended an offer to Daniel. We did not agree on the third speaker you are suggesting. Final Decision: Event for Janice and Daniel. I’ll say goodnight.”

I knew I was suggesting a third speaker but as I was not consulted on Daniel being asked to participate, I thought my suggestion to add a third speaker of my choosing was legitimate. But note how she ended the discussion. Her words, FINAL DECISION, though not in all caps, conveyed the same meaning especially when combined with “I’ll say goodnight.”

I was not given a chance to state my case.

Similar Conversations at Work?

Everyone has a personal side as well as a professional side to life. This interaction was personal, but similar conversations have happened to me in corporate settings. In each conversation, the dominant, narcissistic-leaning individual cut off discussion without considering my opinion, even when I offered it, leaving me frustrated.

Chances are you, too, have worked with this type of person who:

• Dismisses your opinion without asking WHY you have that opinion.
• Cuts off the discussion before you have a chance to EXPLAIN your reasoning.
• Sets “BOUNDARIES” without acknowledging you are entitled to your own limits.

When coworkers use these three tactics and dismiss your suggestions and opinions while pushing their opinions on you, they disrespect you.

Suggested Assertive Statements

If a coworker or colleague uses these tactics on you, it is important to reply in a calm but assertive way. Evaluate these professional statements for use when confronted with statements from dominant, narcissistic-leaning individuals:

1-Thank you for your point of view but I’d like to finish my thoughts so you can better understand my perspective.

2-Before we move on to the next item on the agenda, I’d like to share my viewpoint on this topic.

3-You have a strong opinion on this, but I believe my perceptions can add value.

These statements politely remind the other person that you want two-way conversations where both parties can share their thoughts and opinions. They allow you to assert your view without seeming confrontational.

No matter how good your technical skills are, these statements improve your people skills.

If you want to improve career success, brush up your conversation skills and you’ll have more influence among your colleagues.

The DISC Element

In my programs I employ the DISC model to demonstrate the variety of communication skills different personalities exhibit.

In the DISC model, dominant, narcissistic-leaning individuals can be termed VERY High Ds meaning they have almost no other dimension in their personality.

They are illustrated by the Fire in the graphic below. The people skills statements I am suggesting above are more like the conversation skills of the Steady Oak Tree. My suggestions can be used with success by any combination or mix of personalities, even High Ds that are not narcissistic-leaning individuals, but emotionally healthy individuals.

#DISC #narcissists #dominantpersonalities #assertiveness #leadership #conversationskills #peopleskills

Download Tip Sheet: How to handle negative emotions when your ideas are dismissed

When your ideas are dismissed, it is common to have negative emotions surge through your body. This tip sheet gives you 6 ideas for letting go of negative emotions. ?

For more information on working with opposite personalities visit https://karlabrandau.com/disc-and-driving-forces/

About Karla

Karla Brandau is the author of How to Earn the Gift of Discretionary Effort, a 21st century leadership book. She is a thought leader on how to create a culture in your organization that enables employees to give discretionary effort on a regular basis, starting with understanding their personality.

She is the CEO of Brandau Power Institute, a management consulting firm with expertise in 4-quadrant personality, strengthening the touch points between managers and employees, and increasing the productivity of work teams.

Her clients includes corporations such as Coca-Cola Enterprises and Panasonic as well government agencies including the EPA, NIH, and the FDA.

She is a keynote speaker and a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), an earned designation given by National Speakers Association. Other designations she has earned are Certified Facilitator and Registered Corporate Coach.