Hand me my shovel!

('Hand Me My Shovel' was first published on www.agoodwriteup.com in July 2020, and updated in May 2022...)

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I'll admit that I've got a bit of a history of getting involved in arguments that I really shouldn't concern myself with.

I'm not talking about simply having a converse opinion to someone, or presenting a different side of a story, or putting forward an alternative perspective on a case. I'm talking about me really going for someone where it hurts when I think that what they've said could contribute to - or cause - real misinformation, hurt or damage. The fact that I was never directly invited into the argument in the first place is irrelevant, so when it comes to social media posts - everything's fair game.

There are three main reasons why I wade in:

1. I don't like bullies, propaganda spreaders, or petrol throwers.
2. I don't like the fact that self-proclaimed influencers with more fans than brain cells are rarely held to account.
3. I don't like keeping my opinion to myself (especially when I know it's fucking beautifully formed).

I've stopped getting involved in 'real life' arguments that are nothing to do with me, but only because at the time of initially writing this, we were in Covid19 lockdown, and so I've become increasingly accustomed to not having to go out and be present in any kind of social setting anyway (win). But, if I see someone being a dickhead on the internet, in a place where I usually enjoy hanging out and building my copywriting business, I literally cannot help myself from stepping in and having my say. It's certainly big, if not always clever.

Now, I'm way too lazy to be a campaigner, and I'm in no way smart enough to activate any kind of change, but I can play my part in some small way when it comes to tackling the odd 'ism' swirling around the internet and into the heads of people who can't - or don't want to - get their information from a reputable or balanced source.

Sometimes, the force of my eyes very nearly rolling clean out of my head triggers something in my brain whereby I have to take someone down - and in style. I say this, because I do at least try to be witty when I go for the win (or the jugular, whichever is nearer).

With all of this info in mind, want to hear about how the image for this blog - and the cover of my previous blog collection - came to be?

Of course you do!

Read on.

At some point in late 2018, some 'influencer' had taken to LinkedIn to post a passive aggressive piece of prose about how terribly difficult life could be for successful male entrepreneurs. In the piece, the wounded creature implored his female "fans" (it's LinkedIn, mate - not Wembley fucking stadium) to be more understanding, supportive and nurturing of their men. Those hardworking, hustling, go-getting males provide for them, don't you know, and therefore deserve to come home to find good food on the table, a clean house to relax in, and an attentive wife who takes care of herself for his pleasure. Indeed, she should "greet him the minute he wakes up, ready to attend to his needs."

Had the piece been written a bit more angrily, I think I just would have laughed, enjoyed the comments, and moved on from all the crazy. But it was the completely patronising tone that the piece was delivered in that made me smell blood and sparked the evil glint in my eye.

In some ways, I'm the world's worst feminist, which was fine in this instance because I didn't think the post would be taken seriously enough to require anyone to stand up for women, to be honest. Why? Because it was utterly laughable, and all it did was highlight to the world how stuck in the 1950s the author was. I found the piece unintentionally funny, rather than deliberately offensive, so, whilst a lot of women (and a fair few men, actually), understandably voiced their protest, I hit back with my own take:

"If I was married to a man who expected me to 'behave' like that, the only thing I'd be greeting that fucker with is a shovel."

I didn't expect a response from the author, and I didn't get one. It got to a point, though, where the likes and comments on my comment quickly and largely surpassed the likes and comments on the actual post - and worryingly, that original post was liked a LOT!

I enjoy a sick thrill when that happens, btw; when my comment raises more engagement than the original post. I always stand by the fact that 'likes' don't matter when it comes to social media posts because they don't pay the bills, but in cases like this, every like is a win that you just can't put a price on.

If you're going to put something out there that is obviously going to spark controversy in terms of your content and your tone, then you absolutely cannot be surprised if someone calls you out on it. That's the beauty of social media; you can't be surprised when there's opposition, and you have to know that just as easily as you got up there to your influential heights - you can just as easily be brought right back down again. Occupational hazard.

As all of this was unfolding, a highly talented graphic designer and illustrator by the name of Graham P Ryan saw my comment and supported it. He then showed me even more support by sending me an amended version of the original poster's choice of supporting image. For info, that original image was a pencil sketch of a woman, dressed and posed alluringly in the doorway of a bedroom, whilst her (presumably hardworking and entrepreneurial) husband slept peacefully under her adoring gaze. In Graham's version, the image had been altered, and the woman was now holding a large imposing shovel. It changed the tone of the whole image completely, and in terms of the dark humour it embodied, it was just the most perfect design anyone could have created for me.

I laughed even harder at the image than I had done at my contributory comment on the post - and that was pretty damn hard! Ohhhh I do like to laugh at my own jokes...

I shared Graham's image far and wide (perhaps you remember it?) and wondered if there would ever come a time where I could actively make good use of the image as part of my official branding - without giving people the wrong end of the stick (or shovel) about me, of course. I would just have to hope to god that people would 'get' my sense of humour in using it - unfunny as it might have been.

It turns out, the image and the shovel would inadvertently become an immensely strong part of my branding without me even doing anything, because several years on (I'm adding this update in May 2022), the original image started circulating on social media again, and this time, the disappointing if not pathetic (sorry, opinions are my own) narrative was being shared by a woman. This kind of pushed me over a cliff of sadness and anger, but I was still thrilled to see the post, because countless people had tagged me in it having made the association with the edited image, the earlier version of this blog, and my stance on not letting shit like this go un-shovelled.

How's that for brilliant branding?

I commented on the post with a simple link to this here blog, and took great delight not only in the support I received from men and women keen to have a discussion about equality, but in the opportunity I was handed to take down the one solitary person (it was a guy on this occasion), who heralded me an "extremist", a "dictator", and a "non science person". Erm, I got 2 Bs in Double Science at GCSE, thank you very much, although I still don't fully understand the reference either way...

Believe it or not, I've never really thought of myself as a particularly effective feminist before, based purely on the fact that I hate most people anyway regardless of gender. So at the very least, I am indiscriminate in my quest for equality, I guess?

But the one thing I most definitely am, is a writer who knows that words are powerful, and who knows that if they are used effectively, they can be mightier than the shovel in laying some firm foundations for good.

I always thought that if I ever 'made it' in life, I'd commission Graham to recreate some giant floor-to-ceiling print of this image and I'd display it in the impressive marbled hallway of my LA mansion. For so many reasons, though - only two of them being the lack of mansion funds and the fact that I quite like living in a semi-detached in Bolton - this is never going to happen, so for now, I hope you can simply enjoy the image with me, and perhaps look forward to what I'm going to do next...

Get yourself on the?#GodDamnInspirational mailing list, and you'll find out soon enough just how mighty my (did somebody say published) words are going to be...