Is hammering out a sophisticated skill or just a simple kill?

Calling all Super Negotiators out there!

I will share a story with you, but before I do that; can someone please tell me where exactly he/she gets his/hers strength during negotiations? Is it found within, somewhat like intrinsic motivation; or perhaps it should rather be strictly a gender focused question?

Apparently (yes, we all heard it many times before) women seem to do it differently than men. Is it because they put more heart into it or just because they know how to be quite appealing to the opposite gender and therefore they take advantage of it whenever they can?( no, I am not talking about red lipstick and little black dresses here). Is it even OK to have gender specific powers and use them to gain leverage?

Hold up! Not so fast... let's not fiercely jump into the diversity and inclusion topics. Yeah, I know, they are widely discussed nowadays by any possible occasion, but instead I would rather focus here on the negotiation skill itself.

Alternatives

When anyone mentions hammering something out, BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) comes to mind almost immediately. Is it truly the one and only power we have to rely on when intending to close out the best deal ever? Do such "super powers" make us truly indestructible or just paint us as tactical players in the eyes of others? Is even giving someone a perception of a slight possibility to see us walking away from a deal we are actually trying to close considered to be "that nail" we have been hammering so carefully to finally get to an end of it all?

Can one choose the role to be played?

What happens when someone chooses to use their "super- powers" because of their status (read: role)? Do we even have a chance there? (Imagine an antelope with a broken leg being chased by the lion; where is the fairness there; even though there is a strong survival instinct in place)? Can we hammer out a deal in such circumstances or it rather becomes a kill sentence where someone would not escape alive? It all depends not only on our preparation process, but also on who becomes our counterparts in the negotiations. What about magic formula that can guarantee the success? Where can we find one?

Just like roles can change, the hammering out itself may be too adjusted in certain ways, where allowed, of course; and where it is seen as necessary. We can avoid the injuries, but we all need to be smart about it. Victory has many shapes and sizes and believe me when I say that power is of no value at all unless we take advantage of it and know how to be quite smart about it.

Who is in control?

Does being confident equal having the power over someone's thoughts in the process of negotiations? Can this have any negative connotation? Is it just one of the forms of consciously taking advantage of others in their moment of weakness? While having your mind made up before hand typically helps the outcome, it can also kill the deal when we least expect it. Are we all well prepared to die?

Poorly executed negotiation process becomes a kill that can be compared to an avalanche consuming even the most seasoned hikers. We may not be in the position to back out of negotiations and regardless of trying to move forward as fast as we can to avoid the disaster to happen, we get to become consumed alive by the outcome of the business deal negotiation process heavier than the coat of snow avalanche carries. A healthy dose of confidence is needed as it helps creating respect, which leads to partnership, but when you are dealing with certain nature, having too much confidence can become deadly. Beware.

Having the power and not using it reads INSANITY in capital letters to many of us. We should use it, but not abuse it; and that brings me back to the story I wanted to share the bits of with you when drafting this.

A short story

Just few days ago, I was successful in securing a chunk of time of a professional who agreed to work with me on continuing to prioritize my health as my wealth. Using proper negotiation techniques came quite handy. I came to the bargaining table not only prepared; but surprisingly with my mind set on the specific $. I revisited personality styles and correlating with them styles of communication, researched the statistics such industry is driven by, engaged in a meaningful exchange while setting clear expectations. And voila! Magic happened!

Assertiveness and willingness to take calculated risks pays off. I am fully aware that negotiating strategies I used become part of my reputation and in a way reflect/set the tone for how the engagement will continue. Let me say this out loud: it is critical to be precise and on point when hammering deals out, whether in business or in life, in general. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes may not always sound like a good strategy, but believe me, it can make you feel like you are wearing a Super Man/Woman shirt as an undergarment nobody sees or knows of. Say what?!

The art of negotiations comes down to the effectiveness of your communication. It is about holding the hammer the right way, but also hammering out precisely without hurting anyone and eliminating the slightest possibility of unwanted kill coming by surprise.

Who likes chipped purple nails, anyway?

(unless it becomes a trend, it is not my cup of tea)...

How about you?