"Halfway There"

I just got home from karate.?Tonight was a belt test night.?I can’t say that I enjoy belt testing.?It is a night of intense work-out and we don’t get a break.?We are constantly on the move: punching, kicking, running, flutter kicks, planking, self-defense tests, katas and it goes in rotations over and over again.?You have to remember nine self-defenses that you have learned since the last belt test three months ago and this round we did a12-count bo staff kata. Right now everything hurts… seriously, my hair hurts.

But, what I can tell you is that I passed.?I feel a great sense of accomplishment and a little bit of bewilderment at the same time.?Dermot was there tonight as well.?He tested last night and passed and tested again tonight and passed but is one class short of having the required attendance to earn his belt and move up so will have to wait until next week to receive his actual belt.?I was able to get my blue belt (pictured atop my bo staff) and Dermot pointed out to me that the blue belt means I am halfway to getting my black belt now.

The fact that I have made it this far honestly astounds me.?There are nights I don’t want to go to karate.?There are times I have to talk myself into it and times I don’t manage it.?There are times on Saturday mornings I would really rather not be heading out the door for a three-hour stint at the studio but I do it anyway (for the most part).?I can tell you though that even if I may not always feel good going to the studio, I ALWAYS feel better leaving.

Dermot got me involved in karate.?I started with a free month for parents a couple of years ago.?I had some time off during a relapse but came back and got involved again once I got back into recovery.?Once Dermot had been instructing for a while, he convinced me to take a training certification class and now I’m an instructor for the 3 to 6 year-olds and I love it.?If a few years ago you would have told me I would be exercising regularly, part of an extended family of inclusive and supportive people and feeling as though my self-respect was getting an infusion each week I would not have believed you.?

See it isn’t easy.?I have to work at it.?I have to set goals and attain them. ?I have to fail and get back up and try again.?I have to accept constructive criticism and learn from it.?One of the people I have to accept that constructive criticism from is my own son – AND I have to call him sir.?But things that aren’t easy and things you have to work for are all the sweeter once attained.

The blue belt represents respect and that is one of the things karate is teaching me.?I have respect for myself again and that is a priceless gift to re-gain.