Half of Life is Observation

By Lindy Earl

           We talk. We act. We respond. But, how often are we talking without really saying anything worthwhile? I don’t mean your, “Good Morning, Friend!” That’s useful talk and may be the nicest thing somebody hears all day.

           A lot of what is said doesn’t need to be said at all. It may be gossip, it may be negative, it may be repetitive. I had a conversation with a friend the other day who went on and on, ad nauseam, about his feelings about our government, taxes, jobs, and more. If I tell him that I have I heard it all from him before he tells me that I’m rude. He believes that it’s my job to listen to him. I’m starting to believe that it’s my job to find a new friend and avoid conversations with this one.

           Some of what we do is wasted energy. It’s sad, isn’t it? We go out of our way to do something nice, only to learn that it was not received well, or appreciated. Maybe what we meant for good actually caused trouble for someone else. We all have these stories.            

Even the way we respond can be, let’s say, unhelpful. For instance, sometimes somebody needs tough love, so responding too kindly is actually coddling the person, which is hurting them in the long run. Or, maybe they need some compassion while you’re offering tough love. Of course you think you’re doing the right thing, but are you?

           The challenge, as I see it, is that, too often, people react and respond and answer and act, without really looking at the situation. Now, I am not an artist, but I do know that one of the rules for artists is to really look at, and observe, the object that they are drawing. They study it. They look at the lines of the piece. The observe the shadows. They notice that there is a slight curve to the line, making all the difference in the final drawing.

           Even after an artist starts drawing, they will stop and stare at the model again. Observing. Do they need to change something that they just did? Where should they go next?

           If you’re sitting in a meeting, are you really listening to what is being said? I’m not talking about, ‘Don’t listen to respond, listen to hear.’ We get that. I’m talking about, are you watching the speaker’s body language? Is there something in their tone? Is their topic of personal relevance to them? Do they have a passion for this project?

           When you stop and observe the speaker, you’ll find that they are communicating much more than they are saying. By the way, you’re doing it too. You send signals all the time.

           So, when you stop and observe the situation, rather than jumping in, you can respond better. You may pick up clues about how they’re feeling. You may realize that you need to ask some questions for clarification. You may be able to empathize with someone, which could make them more willing to accept your advice or ideas.

           The other day I was sitting at the drive-through lane at the bank. In staring ahead (what else are you going to do?), I noticed two gorgeous trees, side by side. They are probably only 30 years old, and they are in front of a Citgo gas station, which is in front of mountains. I found the picture incongruous.  

           It came to my mind that, in another 50 years, this picture would be nostalgic, just like pictures we see of old gas stations. It was so great to be able to take a second and just look at the natural picture (or picture of nature) before me. The mountains were the perfect backdrop to the nearer trees.

           But, how often do we take the time to stop and look? If I hadn’t been waiting in line I could have missed it. Then I would have missed the beauty and a lovely feeling of serenity that accompanied this five minute experience.

            So it’s my goal to observe more – preferably through more than one sense. I want to listen better as well as see more. I believe that these will lead to opportunities to be a better communicator, a better colleague, a better friend.

           Please join me in taking time to observe, so that you will better know how to respond. You will probably be a better person for taking time to observe in your life.

Lindy Earl is a Business Consultant, Speaker, Trainer, and Author. Please contact Lindy today at [email protected].