Hairstylists Are Therapists Too- With A Mirror

On a recent chilly morning, the air was relatively as dry as dust. A scratchy feeling in my eyes distorted my vision. The mucus in my nose dried out. I carefully rubbed my nose so it would not fall off. But my stiff extremities spoke volumes about inefficient blood circulation. I blamed the sun for delaying its morning routine.The crispy smell of winter depression was creeping in.  

 I was moving all the inches between zero to one. Do I love winter? Not at all. I believe my grumpiness with the cold weather was just the tip of the iceberg.

Frankly, I did not have an engagement. I only needed someone to inspire me. If I had an appointment, I could not have easily cuddled in my bed and could not have ignored my presence of porcupine-like hair. Austin Dobson wrote in De Libris: Prose and Verse, “ Your flesh has never made to creep: but the cockles of your heart has been warmed.”

Then my mind drifted to my hair stylist, Jennifer Srisuriyo, whom I met four months ago. I decided to see her every 27.5 days for an ideal hair cut cycle. “My Saturday mornings are likely to be open since people are late risers on weekends,” Jennifer sweetly advised me. In Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa, Volume (1 of 9),he says, ”I advise as a friend, you see, rather than command as mother….” 

Friends have advantages over mothers. Friends’ image reveals mirroring to our image as we listen. “I better go see her.”

"Riding along a stranded crossroad of a significant relationship is tough. I will need her.” I reasoned with myself. It’s pleasant to have a mini therapy on the top of my head and in the mind inside my head. In busy life, usually, I have writer’s block, which is why it seems so interesting to hear any hair stylist’s perspective. Plus, after a good haircut, a neat appearance brings back a happy face and confidence in oneself. Why is having a hair cut like a shopping joy? A hair stylist infuses energy without judgement and the magic mirror in front of the chair sparkles wonders as well. When messy heads get organized, the weight of life’s stress feels lighter. 

Jennifer fingered through my voluble, miserably thick and curly hair. My unmanageable hair bothered me a lot. She just comforted me,”many ladies want as much hair as you have. It’s a blessing you have a lot.” 

In The Black Bag, Louis Joseph Vance wrote, [A woman can be] “stuck in his imagination for many an hour as a force to be reckoned with.” 

I talked to myself in the mirror, “You should love yourself; You are special.”

According to Carol Goman in The Nonverbal Advantage- Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work, “In business, touch is the quickest way to establish person rapport.” Some customers and stylists don’t chat. Despite being unable to communicate much, they have rapport, and everyone around them believes they are comfortable with each other. 

 

Only after my fourth walk-in visit, did I sense how amazing Jennifer understands her relationship with her clients. With five hairstylists on duty daily, Jennifer is able to manage the workload and keep her customers happy. A lot can be learned from her dedication of trial-and error. She is an entrepreneur with 26 years of working experience. She knows how to provide the best service she can and recognizes that it is vital that she listens to her customers. I never understood the lengths to which clients at the salon reveal personal details until she gave me some examples.

Freedom on scheduling

Jennifer used to have an un-flexible scheduling system like a trendy modeling show. Models get to show the best looks on the catwalk when one and another follow the numbers. People complained that it was inconvenient. As check-in technology improves, people hate the rigid schedule system. According to American author John Crowley,”I have very clever producers, who scheduled…brilliantly, but scheduling…was a nightmare.” Customers’ prediction of the ideal date for their next hair cut is like a broadcast for next week’s weather. Similarly, meteorologists have forecast snow throughout the US for the entire year of 2019; they do not predict the exact time that the snow will fall until the day arrives. You know it is plastic-surreal. Walking-in when their hair tells them, “I need a trim,” is preferable to trying to guess when will be the exact day they need an appointment. Most of her male customers have their hair cut every 2 weeks. Either forgetfulness or cancellation of appointments can cause confusion and inconvenience to everyone.

Let customers know what you are doing for them.Jennifer told me,”most customers don’t have patience. I greet them right after they stick their heads in the shop, and I tell them the likelihood of wait time generally is about 10-20 minutes. They can decide if they want to wait or come back later.” Having a schedule for a hair cut seems too rigid, and it did not work for some people. I think most salons with required appointments tend to charge a steep price. Jennifer knows the silver lining of fifteen dollars—don’t charge for the big ticket. The haircutting business is similar to healthcare expenditure- recession proof. Many people cut back spending on food, eating-out, entertainment, but not haircuts or healthcare related expenditures. She consciously acts on the knowledge that customers value attention, competence, promptness, efficiency and dependability.

While working with a wide variety of clients, the majority of businesses have marketing segmentations. By looking at their regular patrons, many hair stylists are good at knowing who would like to come back. The shop sits in the international community close to Nolensville road in Nashville, Tennessee. Many immigrants have settled in this area. They are Muslins, Arabs, Africans, Mexicans and Asians. Customer Linda is the daughter of Mexican immigrants whose father works at a construction company and mother works at McDonalds. Near by the salon, there are a grocery store, traditional Korea bakery, a Japanese restaurant and a CPA firm. Walmart and Krogers are at least 5 miles away form them. Those historical looking buildings look rusty hiding from the main roads. It is hard to spot the salon, and I got lost on my way there, even though it has easy access to interstate I-24. The small yellow commercial signs look like antiques after having been hanging up for 30 years. The glass windows are patched with advertisement posters. It is hard to see through the door or windows because of all of the posters. Jennifer’s small shop has six chairs; the front space is plain without any salon promotion products. In The Roof of France, Matilda Betham-Edwards wrote, “The extent of land is reckoned not by acreage, but by the heads of cattle it will keep.” I agree that the profit of a salon is reckoned not by footage, but by the numbers of clients it will attract. “Of course, very few of other immigrants get such a wage as that [of the hair stylist].” William Delisle Hay commends in Brighter Britain (volume 1of 2).

Her customers, mostly Mexicans, consist of middle class clients such as blue collar workers, construction builders, housewives with young children and technical persons who hear of her word of mouth. “I like very much the hairdo,” said Lopez, one of her customers. In a typical hectic day, she reckoned at 150 to 200 customers. Jennifer’s lunch break, which usually is not until 1:30 pm, is often 5 minutes- a cold sandwich eaten between serving customers. Most hair stylists agree they stand on their feet for an extended period of time and get to sit only during their short lunch break.

Going to the hair salon is in reality a get-away therapy. Compared to a massage or an appointment with a psychologist’s therapy, the cost of a salon visit is reasonable. A human touch and a sense of freedom is what it is all about, and Jennifer knew to “keep it personal.” It is not just hair. Hair condition is linked to mental condition. 

“I feel better with a new look.” Many of her customers know what to do to feel refreshed.

Jennifer also noticed, “Many say voice mail and email is an easy way to communicate, but personal touch is lost. I am a stand-by therapist. I am like Oprah Winfrey who has no formal training experience to help people. I have my fans.” But truth to be told, many people came close to making good money despite their substandard social status. Many FaceBook “likes” or YouTube “follows” is vanity, but it is in vain. The truth of filling pockets and gaining real fans on a job is all life is about..

“What’s your reaction to that?” “How did you feel about it?” “How do you feel about being your age?” Those thoughtful and open ended professional questions are normally conducted by a therapist. Hair stylists have intuitiveness not to ask too sensitive questions. For examples, “What happened?” “Why?” “How old are you?” are too direct. Instead, they are truly an imitator of Oprah. The thoughtfulness and direct communication translates to excellent customer service.

*How did the hairdresser win the race? 

She took a short cut. 

When a customer sits in the stylist’s chair, she is like a queen on her throne; she looks at herself. “Mirror, mirror,” the queen talks to herself in the reflection in the mirror,”How are you today? Your eyes look happy.” When a new customer comes in, he or she is sometimes eager to show a picture of a model, he or she wants his or her hair to look exactly like the models. But not every client is clear about what he wants.A stylist reads the body language. Jennifer taught me how to read people’s body language. When a client sticks his head in the shop and waits, if his legs are crossed hiding under the chair, he is insecure. If his legs are spreading in front of him and maybe others’ proximity, he is likely a confident person. When a customer becomes a regular, he or she is more relaxed. Hair stylists have a sharp eye for detail; that’s how they determine how many layers to cut, how to weave the perfect braid or develop just the right shade of blonde. Hair stylists see details in hair, and other art forms, that everyday people don’t. They sense much information in the hair, the chair, and the air around the client. 

In front of myself, I let my hair down and actually cracked a joke. I‘ll always appreciate being myself, but a person’s willingness to listen to me is a plus.

A customer asked her hair stylist,”How was your New Year’s Day?” The hair stylist skillfully replied,”Good, how about yours?” The customer continued happily over her story of the food she had, the wonderful things and friendly people she met. The hair stylist knew she needed someone to listen to her. Whenever the customer brings up a subject, that’s what the customer wants to talk about.

Another customer, Anne, wondered to her stylist, “How are your children?” Anne has a millennial grandson, Peter, who cares more about nicer shoes than his career. Anne also always talks about her grandson in the chair. One weekend evening, Anne and Peter went to a book store. They talked about the short novels. Peter has an allowance from his grandmother to purchase books. The books Peter picked out went over the 20 bucks allowance that was originally discussed. Anne let her grandson keep all of books he wanted. “I pray for Peter to be a fine young man every day. He is precious.“ she cried out thankfully. Jennifer anchored, “ It’s wonderful. He likes books and spends time with you. It is the best encouragement you can provide and best knowledge he receives.”

“Hair stylists know way too much for their own good.. [they] spend hours listening to clients and providing advice about a wide range of emotional problems,” Psychology Today puts it. They are full of a huge range of mercy and inspiration.

While the carefully coiffured look worked for some, the combination of heat and chemicals take a toll on hair like mine. We tend to think of chemistry as something that happens in sterile white labs. “Let me fix your hair well and hurry to your folks as fast as ever you can.” Jennifer smiled. An organic diet is good without any processed meat. My fingers moved through my short, silky strands of hair after the hair cut and then down my neck. No spray or oil required. She seemed to know it well,”and let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9)

The Wall Street Journal reports a trend that people watch Youtube haircutting for meditation and for helping insomnia. Those videos on Youtube drew millions of “likes.” “The haircutting scenario, she explains, elicits the pampered feeling a customer might experience at a salon.” The mirror reflection paired with the chair seems to have a greater effect of relaxation. It is a pleasure and creates a feeling of security. As a stylist purrs, surveys and hums, the meditation all works well.

Mirroring is a proven method of building relationships. The therapy is substantially more positive toward the stylist. Like getting a manicure, customers sit face to face with their stylists. Many psychologists agree that women tend to orient toward each other better when directly facing each other. Sadly, some nail salon owners prefer their employees chat little with their customers. Mirroring and side-by-side position in a salon creates friendly, appealing, and successful reactions.

Sincere persons like Jennifer are not quite as quiet as they act. She is straightforward and values her repeated customers because she is her own boss. “ You can tip me next time. Thank you for coming back.” said Jennifer.

Next to me, a man sprang out of the chair after the stylist finished cutting and wanted to tip 2 bucks to his stylist’s palm, but she rejected the tip. Many middle class feel the painful need to tip a server whether dinning out, in a hotel, at an airport, in a taxi. Jennifer lets the tips melt in the middle class American culture like dust.

Don’t Call My First Name

Most businesses show respect for their repeated customers by calling their names especially using last names. MBA programs teach name recognition is crucial for a good first impression. It tends to not be the case in the salon chair. Jennifer’s clients are like little bees who work hard to achieve American dreams. They are immigrants. Theodor Hertzka in Freeland wrote, “These immigrants all gladly and eagerly adapt themselves to their new surroundings.” But my muddled thinking is job promotions and economic status become trivial if they provide family security and safety as priority. Many of her customers I observed are down to the earth. They may not get a good education but they found a way out of poverty and way in to happiness. Jennifer has a tactic for greeting. Having grasped a principle as a parrot, Jennifer and her workers sound the greeting in the language of their language. When a client sticks his head in the shop, She joyfully exclaims hello in, “????! Yeoboseyo!” “Hola!” “As-salam alaykom,” which means “Peace be upon you!” in Arabic. “Ni-Hao.你好。” They use language filled with friendliness and respect for the civilian community. As Lyndia Maria Child wrote in Philothea, “All who listened were deeply impressed by language so mysterious.” A greeting in one’s language makes more friends than NBAs.  

Social 

Why do most hair stylists tend to be more extroverted than introverted? They’d rather work in a high-energy environment as opposed to working behind a desk all day.

Outgoing people sense the air is full of information about what’s nearby. I relay on Jennifer’s intuitiveness. Getting information flowing and passing on information takes much energy. Most of the interactions and a sense of humor around stylists are reassuringly connected. It pulls the background sounds of my everyday life to the front of consciousness. 

MEDUSA

“Coil and hiss—writhe and twist—

My hairdo won’t get done.

‘Cause one hair’s hissing “Ponytail,”

And one yells,”Simple bun.”

One whispers,”Cornrows,”

One screams, “Bangs.”

One shouts,”Just wash it and dry it.”

One snaps,”No, curl and tie it,”

One hollers,”Bleach and dye it.”

And how am I to fix my hair

If my hair will not keep quiet? 

Poetry writer Shel Silverstein in Falling Up wrote.

With mirroring, a friendship, I can relate to old times, present, and the future. The personality I am gifted with is locked in place and stays innerly where I intend. In other words, I am introverted; hair stylists are extraverted.I think stylists carry a miniature chemistry lab deep inside their heart. Jennifer can float away on the breeze and also can emit energy. She can detect amazingly small concertinos and spend hours listening.  The psychology of Hair Salons & Stylists: Therapy for Free writes,”some people prefer to use their stylist as their therapist … because they are not facing each other.…” (Jan.29, 2019) A side by side position plays a supported relationship. Spending thousands of hours communicating with clients, stylists are becoming humorists. in the movie Beauty Shop 2005, a determined hairstylist (Queen Latifah) competes with her former boss (Kevin Bacon) after opening her own business in Atlanta. Humor is the greatest human expression and strengthens connection. They gossip about family issues and joke about relationship, “Do you think these pants make my butt look big?” 

“Call me anytime.” 

“Call me if you need someone to talk to.” 

“Call me, satisfaction guaranteed.”

* HAIRDRESSERS, like bartenders, are expected to lend a sympathetic ear as needed. One Friday morning a regular customer came in, sat down and, as I flung the cape around her neck, asked, "Now where did I leave off last week?”

Supporting previous research, a new study published March 12, 2018, in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) finds that specially trained pharmacists can work with barber shops to tackle high blood pressure rates among African-American men. The trust the men have in their barbers and the comfort they feel in the barbershop makes them receptive to a discussion about the dangers of high hypertension rates.

Sponsored by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the study included more than 50 barbershops and followed more than 300 men in the 35-79 age range. Two groups of men were identified as having high blood pressure. One group of men received only advice and pamphlets about blood pressure as they were getting their hair cut, while a second group of men met with pharmacists and were able to receive medication on the spot. The second group had significant positive outcome by following the pharmacist’s consultation in the barber shop and maintained better blood pressure control.

source:* https://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/hairdresserjokes.html. Access March3,2019

Ronald G. Victor, M.D., Kathleen Lynch, Pharm.D.,et al. “A Cluster-Randomized Trial of Blood-Pressure Reduction in Black Barbershops. April 5, 2018, New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) .

Carol Kinsey Goman, The Nonverbal Advantage- Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work. Berrett-Koehler ,2008.