Habit Recognition!

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Dustin Dale

"I never do that" was the sentence I heard from one of my mid-level leaders during our monthly leadership review.

It was hard for me not to get louder than them because they were blind to the habit I was giving feedback on.

"We can't use the words ever and never," I told them.

"When a leader says I never do this, then there is a lack of awareness that can hinder the integrity of that leader."

They were getting more elevated and annoyed, and their body language shifted quickly.

Then I realized I was beginning to develop one bad leadership habit regarding development and communication—I was telling them and talking at them instead of asking questions and creating a conversation. I was more focused on the person and not the behavior I wanted them to be aware of.

See, even veteran leaders fall into these little habits that can be costly.

In this edition, I want to help you avoid the little leadership habits that are sometimes "unseen" and cause negative disruption.

Habit #1: The more you talk, the less they learn.

It's very easy to get wrapped up in a deep conversation when you provide feedback to the other person, and the urge to overtake the conversation can become enticing.

Remember...

1. Ask thoughtful questions and shift your words from "I feel/I think" to "From your perspective." This can create a common ground for exchange.
2. Let the silence be okay. Too often, people (leaders included) become weirded out by pauses in conversations or just sitting quietly with their team members. You don't need to feel the silence every time. This can lead you to grasp for words and feel like you must say something when you don't.

Habit #2 Energy matches Energy.

This is not always given, but it's true in most cases that people's energy will match their environments.

Remember...

1. If the team members get elevated (without danger) and you elevate yourself, then the conversation will most likely not resolve itself. Learning to speak calmly when someone is being loud is a great practice and requires mastery of patience.
2. When the conversation gets intense, you can use this line as a resource: "Help me gain a better perspective; what am I missing that you are trying to tell me?"
3. Your verbal and nonverbal communication needs to be checked. Humans react to facial expressions when presented, so when you engage in these conversations, please remember how your face matches the words.

Habit #3 It's NEVER about you being correct.

WOAH! I broke my rule already! That's okay because this habit needs a firm rule.

Remember...

1. If your only goal is to be "correct, " don't bother having a development conversation. When did you last like someone else saying, "I told you I was right?" Leadership is never about being correct but rather about being valuable and servant focused.
2. There is a way to demonstrate you are correct when you are correct; this goes back to point #1 above. Most often, if the relationship is strong between the team member and leader, then when the team member fails, they will often say, "I guess you were right, and I didn't pay attention to those points," or something along those lines. Support them by saying, "It was never about me being right, but rather you learning, and now we know."

Habit #4 You can't preach what you don't practice.

This one might be the one habit that drove me nuts the most back in my corporate life because it felt so frustrating to be told one thing by my leader and see something different from them in the following sentence.

1. Authenticity is critical and means you can maintain authority when you are vulnerable with your team. Detroit Lions coach Dan Campbell is showing us how it's done with a masterclass of examples in the NFL world. He is focused on being in tune with his players and leaves nothing on the table but honesty. It's no secret why they are favored to win the SB this year.
2. You don't have to be the perfect leader because there is no such thing but rather, become the leader you'd follow. If you don't like how leaders do something, remember that your team members probably don't like it either.

These four habits are just the surface of a long list we could make, but they are also a great starting point for avoiding leadership behaviors that deter the organization's unity.

I think down the road, I'll release a secondary list- what do you think?

Are you interested in taking your leadership development to the next level?

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Book Links:

Learn to Lead by Serving; The Workbook! https://a.co/d/h2ahnFG

Learn to Lead by Serving: https://a.co/d/dsgJQFj

Learn to Lead by Serving 2: https://a.co/d/isIeTRR