Guys, It's Time To Stop Mansplaining

How to recognize and address those eye-roll moments that undermine intelligent women and are a conversation buzzkill

I recently did a post on LinkedIn which featured a photo of me in full tactical gear. For the record, I am a certified firearms instructor. The picture was from a styled photo shoot where I was wearing a hefty bulletproof vest without plates.?

The lack of metal plates made the vest appear a little “saggy” on my somewhat petite frame. Obviously, the plates fill up the vest more, which would have given it a more fitted appearance.?

Nevertheless, some guy who clearly knows far more than me about anything and everything, especially tactical gear for women, decided to hop on my thread, note that the plates were too low (umm… there weren’t any plates), that my tactical flashlight was in the wrong place (umm… it’s my flashlight, and I will put it where ever I damn well please for the easiest access in a self-defense situation), and do the one thing every smart, savvy, educated, experienced, worldly, and successful woman hates: Mansplain.

What is ‘Mansplaining?’

Mansplaining refers to a situation where a man explains something to a woman in a condescending and patronizing manner, typically on a topic that she already understands well, often assuming she lacks knowledge solely based on her gender. It can involve speaking over or dismissing her thoughts, experiences, or expertise and is intended to undermine a woman’s credibility and competence.

The Origins of Mansplaining

The term “mansplaining” was popularized by writer Rebecca Solnit in her 2008 essay “Men Explain Things to Me.” Solnit shared her personal experiences of being talked down to by men who assumed they knew more about a topic than she did, despite her expertise in the field. Her essay struck a chord with many women who had encountered similar situations, leading to the widespread recognition of this behavior, and hence, a buzzword was born.

Unpacking the?Dynamics

Now, I am no shrinking violet. I’ve worked in male-dominated industries for almost three decades. I started out in tech and IT and now have a career in firearms and self-defense. I’ve faced a lot of opposition, sexism, and the “old boys club” mentality.?

I am no stranger to men behaving as if they are more knowledgeable and authoritative than me. I call it “little man syndrome,” and it often occurs when an insecure man who feels inferior or intimidated by a strong woman feels the need to assert his dominance or expertise, even in situations where it is unwarranted or unnecessary, in an effort to feel superior and better about themselves. Blech!

Because of this and my own training, I’ve developed a significant amount of mental toughness, resilience, and fortitude. I don’t put up with much because I know I don’t have to. Mental defense and mindset are an integral part of my self-defense classes and teachings, and they’re something I highly recommend delving into as we navigate daily challenges.

To many women, mansplaining can be frustrating and disempowering, as it undermines their intelligence and experience and diminishes their contributions to the conversation, workplace, and society in general.

Recognizing Mansplaining

Mansplaining can manifest in various ways, but some common signs include:

1. Assuming expertise: Men may assume they know more about a topic than a woman, even without any evidence or understanding of her background or qualifications.
2. Interrupting or talking over: Men may interrupt or talk over women, disregarding their thoughts or opinions and asserting their own perspective.
3. Explaining the obvious: Men may explain concepts or ideas to women that they are already well-versed in, assuming they lack knowledge or understanding.
4. Dismissing or ignoring input: Men may dismiss or ignore a woman’s input, only to later repeat the same idea and receive recognition or validation from others.

How to Address Mansplaining

Addressing mansplaining requires a collective effort to challenge and change ingrained gender dynamics. Here are some steps we can take:

1. Awareness and education: By raising awareness about mansplaining and its impact, we can encourage individuals to reflect on their own behavior and biases. Education and open dialogue can help foster a more inclusive and respectful communication environment.
2. Active listening: Practicing active listening involves genuinely hearing and valuing the perspectives of others, regardless of their gender. This approach allows for a more equitable exchange of ideas and encourages mutual respect.
3. Amplification and support: It is crucial to amplify the voices of women and support their contributions. By actively acknowledging and crediting their expertise, we can create a more inclusive space where everyone’s knowledge is valued.
4. Encouraging self-reflection: Men can play a vital role in addressing mansplaining by reflecting on their own behavior and biases. By challenging assumptions and actively seeking to learn from others, we can foster more equal and respectful conversations.
5. STFU: Guys can avoid mansplaining altogether by simply keeping their mouths shut and having some self-awareness and restraint. Before you speak or type, ask yourself: Is this comment really necessary? Will it make a positive contribution to the conversation? Is my ego getting involved to the point where I just can’t help myself? Am I feeling the need to prove something to everyone else around, be it live or on a thread where lots of people are watching??

Answering these questions could prevent you from looking like a complete egomaniac and a jackass.

What To Do If You’ve Been Mansplained

So, you’ve been mansplained. Now what? As frustrating as it may be and could trigger you to tell the offending party to stick it where the sun don’t shine, it’s always better to be the bigger person. Here are some ways to handle it:

1. Politely acknowledge the information, then calmly interject with something like, “I appreciate your input, but I’m very familiar with this topic.”
2. If the situation allows, steer the conversation back to your point or redirect it to another topic where your expertise is acknowledged.
3. Maintain confidence in your knowledge. Firmly assert your expertise without being aggressive.
4. Call it out. Sometimes, a direct approach is necessary. You might say something like, “I’m well-versed in this area, too, so there’s no need to mansplain it to me.”
5. If there are others present, bring them into the conversation. Sometimes, having additional voices can help reinforce your point and minimize the mansplaining. Your audience and supporters will typically fight and stand up for you.
6. Use it as an opportunity to educate. Some people may not be aware of their behavior. You can calmly explain (privately) how their actions come across and suggest a more respectful way to communicate.
7. Use their responses to make you stronger and as food for fodder, as I am doing with this article. If you can use someone’s bad behavior for good content that could help others, then you’re better off for it.

At the end of the day, when a guy attempts to mansplain something to me, all they’re getting is a big fat eye roll and likely deleted from the conversation. He certainly isn’t doing anything to warrant my respect. On the contrary, I begin to think less of him and his knowledge and expertise and assume he’s an insecure weenie with something to prove and zero emotional intelligence.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had the opportunity to work with many wonderful men who treat women as equals or better. They understand and respect a woman’s intelligence, experience, and the valuable and meaningful contributions we bring to a situation, discussion, negotiation, or collaboration. These are the type of men who deserve our respect and ones to whom I will listen as I know they are approaching a certain subject as a mentor with the intention of offering sincere advice, input, and guidance.?

My biggest concern about mansplaining is that it extends beyond mere communication and behavior issues. It’s a deeper societal paradigm that perpetuates gender disparities and hinders progress toward gender equality.?

However, through education, awareness, and active listening, we can foster healthier and more productive conversations that empower and enlighten individuals of both genders.

Want more mental and physical self-defense tips and tricks? Subscribe to the OutSmart newsletter here.