Guys get imposter syndrome too.

A couple of years ago, if you'd asked me about imposter syndrome, I'd have said that it's not something I deal with or would ever need to deal with. I've always seen myself as confident, capable and ready to take on whatever came my way. But over the past couple of years, particularly since COVID, I've found myself questioning things that I had never particularly doubted before.

It started with a small and almost unnoticeable voice in my head saying are you sure you're good enough? do you really belong here? at first, I could shrug it off and just got on with the tasks at hand, but over time, it got louder and more prominent. Suddenly, I found myself walking into work meetings feeling unsure of myself and a hesitation I hadn't felt before - whether I was speaking with people far more experienced or even when I was the most knowledgeable person in the room, I started to hold back. I'd find myself second-guessing what to say - or worse - saying nothing at all. I'd join a meeting, say nothing, leave the meeting. It's strange because pre-COVID I wouldn't have thought twice about speaking. Somewhere along the way I started overthinking and the self-doubt started to win.

What made this harder - and honestly more confusing - was the self-doubt creeping into other areas of my life. I started to worry about things I'd never paid much attention to before - my accent, my mannerisms, what jumper I'm wearing, the way I present myself, what other people might think of me. Alongside all of this, at work, I caught myself wondering whether I came across professional enough, serious enough, am I projecting enough confidence or does everyone secretly think I'm out of my depth. To be honest, I've always been a little camp. You'd think I'd have grown used to it. It's just who I am. But I caught myself wondering whether that is what people would notice first. Are they going to judge me because of the way I stand, the way I speak.. are they judging me for that instead of hearing what I have to say?

This was all new to me. As I said, I found it all a bit weird. Anyone who's known me a long time will know that outwardly I've never really had confidence issues. In fact, they'd probably tell you that at times I'm a little too confident. Over the last couple of years, those same people will tell you that something is wrong. Where's that outspoken, vocal, and confident, guy gone.

A little over a year ago, a manager at work literally asked me outright what was wrong - so I told them. The conversation was a bit overwhelming and hearing myself say it all out loud was tough. In all the years they had known me, they'd never seen me like this. This was, however, the start of something.

One thing that has really helped has been having a group of colleagues I can speak to frankly and openly. Saying it all out loud to people I trust has been a bit of a game-changer. Hearing their perspectives, knowing they have (or had) similar struggles themselves, and simply just feeling seen, really started a journey of recovery.

A surprising source of self-acceptance has come from a bit of an unexpected place. A few months back we adopted some house rules across the team. One of those rules is a 'cameras on' culture. Initially it was brutal - seeing myself on camera all the time forced me to confront how I look, how I sound, my personality and how I come across. At first it made me more self-conscious than ever before, but given I was such a champion of the rules, I couldn't really backtrack. That being said, over time, it's started to have the opposite effect. I've learned to accept myself as I am and, actually, I quite like the the person I see in that little box on the screen.

Listen, this isn't me saying I'm all fixed. I'm still working on all of this. Some days are better than others. I'm really starting to shift my mindset (thanks to some great podcasts and some great articles). I regularly remind myself that the people who selected me for my roles (whether it's paid or volunteer) didn't pick me by accident. They believed I was the right person for the job. If they trust me, then surely I owe it to myself to trust me too.

I've also stopped obsessing over what I might not be achieving and started focussing on what I am achieving instead. I'm showing up, contributing, and making progress every day. Most importantly, I've decided to embrace who I am - unapologetically. My mannerisms, my accent, my personality, my thoughts... they're a part of what makes me ... me. At the end of the day, being authentic doesn't distract people - it's what connects us.

The reason I am sharing this is simple: we talk a lot about imposter syndrome, but it's often framed as something women experience in the workplace. I think men go through it just as much - we just don't talk about it anywhere near enough.

I posted on LinkedIn a few months back about burnout and self-confidence. This might give you some extra context.