A Guy Walks into a Bar.....

I was sitting at the bar in the airport waiting for a plane. I do this a lot. Bars are the best place to sit because they ALWAYS have an electrical outlet, if not under the bar, behind it (ask nicely). Most times, I am catching up on work, or maybe just watching some TV, but that day was different. I was joined by an attractive woman who wanted to chat. It turns out she was a highly accomplished radiologist, a partner in her firm, in town to recruit some new college talent.

We were having an enjoyable conversation swapping recruiting stories. I was learning how technology is changing radiology when I colleague of mine called. I excused myself and took the call sitting at the bar. I was not on the phone more than 5 minutes or so. I ended the call and turned back to continue our conversation. What I found was shocking.

My bar mate was being accosted by the man on her left. In a ridiculous fashion. He was explaining that she was the perfect woman for him, and that she should really go somewhere with him so they could get to know each other better. He touched her hair, her arm, her knee. She deflected him repeatedly and he kept coming. He made comments about how she looked and how it made him hot.

She kept smiling and pushing him away, talking about her husband and how she had to leave, to go to another city, and that she was busy. She was doing her best to make him go away with no success. When she noticed I was off the phone, I became her “colleague”. We had to go do that thing right now and we had to leave. I fell into line, checking my watch and packing my gear.

While she kept that smile on her face, what I could see in her eyes was fear. She was being accosted and she did not feel she could just tell him to stop. No one in the bar took any particular notice and no one, including me, did anything to stop him.  

As we left I got a hint about how horrible it must be to feel unsafe all the time, that someone could invade your space and basically try to abduct you in front of a crowd, and that this could be done with no consequences. This woman’s college degrees, intelligence, money and success did her no good.

We talked about what happened as I walked her to her gate. She said that she was afraid to aggressively rebuff him as she was concerned that he would become violent. She also told me that this is the norm rather than the exception, that she routinely has to deal with this risk, and how she modifies her life and behavior to avoid confrontation.

As we got to her gate, I awkwardly tried to apologize for not doing anything more than I did, and then for my whole gender. She thanked me and then told me, very kindly, that she had no interest in my macho bullshit in trying to “save” her from this guy. I was dealing with a grown woman who can take care of herself. 

Since then I see the attitude that keeps her and everyone else unsafe everywhere. One guy drawing a graph of "Crazy" vs "Hot" and mapping out what women we should "go for". Another guy last week congratulated himself for not raping his passed out date "like I would have done when I was younger".

My life is starting to fill up with awkward moments such as these as I start to call out other men on their attitudes and ideas towards women. I have to admit, I have also been a jerk in the past, but going forward I intend to always be respectful to women, as well as a man that can be respected by others.